All things being equal, I'd prefer a bittersweet Ang Lee movie...

I went home at lunch today as the snow was turning to sleet in Charlottesville. It looks so nice and wintry around our house...

Just hope the power holds up.

Why should I bother?

Does the world need another tiresome post about how much bullshit the "war on Christmas" is? My brother has already said it perfectly, and CmdrSue has the retail aspect of it wrapped up, so go read them.

There is one thing, though. I don't think I want to concede the phrase "Merry Christmas" to The Blotch.

To me, Merry Christmas = Happy Holidays; I use them interchangably, and when I do say "MC" it's not to fulfill the belligerent, ass-holy agenda O'Reilly and his ilk have concocted. And I used it first. So to be fair, they need another holiday greeting...

How about "Suck it, kike"? No wait, that's not inclusive enough. "Suck it, homo"? That's better, because it can either be accurate or perjorative, but it doesn't capture O'Reilly's love of harassing women.

"Eat me"? No, that's a Thanksgiving greeting (see post below).

Maybe a simple "fuck you" will suffice the next time you're out at the stores. Of course, any true Christian would know the real meaning of Christmas...

...and certainly wouldn't exploit the holiday by offering items for sale...wait a fucking minute, it says "holiday gift list" RIGHT ON THE FRONT FUCKING PAGE! WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT BLOOTCHY MESS THINK HE IS??

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Since we'll be on the road tomorrow (up to visit the family, including dear brother) I thought I'd leave you with a lively holiday jingle:

Eat us, hey, it's Thanksgiving day
Eat us, we make a nice buffet
We lost the race with Farmer Ed
Eat us 'cause we're good and dead

White man or red man
From East, North, or South
Chop off our legs
And put 'em in your mouth

Eat me! (sauteed or barbecued)
Eat me! (we once were pets, but now we're food)
We won't stay fresh for very long
So eat us before we finish this song
Eat us before we finish this song!

To the voters of OH-2.

The most frustrating aspect of the recent Virginia gubernatorial election was the understanding by any reasonably impartial observer that Tim Kaine, the Democratic candidate, was clearly the superior choice. In terms of economic growth, in terms of leadership, in terms of dealing with the Republican party, Kaine had the proven track record. It was as much of a no-brainer as these things get, save the fact that the guy with the (R) by his name gets 48% of the vote even if his stump speech is "Shit my pants and do a dance! I'm taking that night train to Cucamonga!"

Jerry Kilgore, the Repub, wasn't that eloquent. His economic plan was to raise spending and cut taxes (I'M NOT KIDDING). He pulled out the Hitler card in TV ads attacking Kaine (and I'm not talking about the lovable Ted Hitler). He lost by 5 points; he should have lost by 20. C'mon, VA Repubs, you knew your guy wasn't up to snuff and made the moronic Jim Gilmore look like John Warner by comparison (yes, I mean John, there's a guy I don't agree with but has a brain in his head).

There was a special election in the 2nd district in Ohio not too long ago where once again, a clearly superior candidate had to fight the well-entrenched inertia of Republican voters. Jean Schmidt, who managed to embarrass herself time and time again on national TV, still eked out a win over Paul Hackett. Many voters in that district bucked tradition, but it wasn't enough.

To those of you that voted (R) because that's what you always do, this is what you voted for.

Like that vote now?

So, pick yer deathbed tune yet?

I don't think it's especially profound to say that most of us hope to have some degree of control over the end of our lives (after a long, happy life, natch). Hopefully, all our of deaths will be peaceful, serene, and surrounded by loved ones.

Well, we don't know if that's going to happen, but we can at least make sure the background music's good.

For years, my decision was obvious. "Asleep" by The Smiths, right? Had that nice lullaby feel, sad, snotty, chock full of contempt and that "you'll be sorry when I'm DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!" attitude that just somehow seemed to fit.

Then, with age came wisdom and a more optimistic worldview, and I thought that "Now My Heart is Full" would be a great sendoff.

Then I discovered there were other songwriters besides Morrissey. That's what happens when you wait seven years between albums. Asshole. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that, I can't stay mad at you.

Wait a minute. What was I talking about? Oh yeah, deathbed tunes!

I don't know if this was true, but Howard Stern said that when Joey Ramone passed away, he was listening to "In A Little While" by U2. Nice song, it certainly gains significance by its role in the passing of one of America's greats, but if you're going to pick a U2 deathbed song, it's gotta be "One".

Or maybe we should go the ironic route? Although I bet even Alanis is sick of that song by now. How about "I Don't Wanna Grow Up"? Two great versions to choose from! "It's the End of The World as We Know It" wouldn't be a bad choice, but what if the Grim Reaper comes to guide you for your journey? You wouldn't want him thinking you're a wise-ass...

"We Are The World"? No, what if the Grim Reaper throws up and accidentally overturns the boat as you're drifting down the River Styx? (You can make your own "Sail Away" joke).

"Waiting for a Friend"? Hmmmm, I don't think the last image I want in my mind is Keith Richards, death is scary enough by itself.

"Not Dark Yet"? Heeeeeeey, not bad, but Bob might have written that one for himself.

Hold on, what if as you shuffle off this mortal coil, and you reach the crossroads/pearly gates/settle up station or whatever, and the tiebreaker just happens to be your appreciation of phat rhymes and dope beats? Well, maybe I should go with Jay-Z's "My 1st Song". If it was good enough to end the career of HOV, how can I argue against it?

Why not just embrace sentimentalism? "What A Wonderful World". If people bust your chops for a cheesy deathbed song, you can just choose to walk the earth and haunt the motherfuckers.

Radiohead's "How to Disappear Completely" is a strong candidate right now. Graceful, pretty, Yorke's pleading vocals properly convey the sense of proportion of one soul in an endless universe. Also, it's almost six minutes long, which might be important when you're near the end.

At this moment, I think I might go with Robyn Hitchcock's version of "Tryin' to Get to Heaven Before They Close The Door". Hitchcock, like Yorke, gets the sense of proportion across, but there's an edge there that I like. It's a gorgeous, calming song with the same lullaby feel of "Asleep" but without the pout.

Hmm. No Cure songs on this list. I'm a bit surprised, actually.

(Update coming w/song links.)

"Come work at Wal-mart: it's much better than getting kicked in the nuts..."

We took in a free showing of Wal-Mart: The High Cost of Low Price at our local theater; the audience were treated to a provocative documentary that presented the controversial thesis that Wal-Mart sucks.

First, the bad. The music's mixed too high, the interviewees are mixed too low, I'm not a big fan of the whole "the government's subsidies to WM could buy 10,000 teachers" use of statistics (yeah, it's true, but Wal-Mart's not the reason education is underfunded in this country), and the movie as a whole is about as subtle as a flock of ostriches spraying diarrhea in your face.

What the movie does do is an excellent job defining why precisely Wal-Mart sucks. We all know it squeezes out small businesses and ruins lives, but the movie showed the families (no liberals, they) who believed in the American Dream, did all the hard work and played by the rules and still got screwed. We all know Wal-Mart treats workers like sh*t, but the scale of the deception, the billions of dollars made by bilking workers out of 15 minutes of overtime a day, the refusal to make the tiniest concession for health care or pensions, is simply astonishing. And the exposure of a China sweatshop where Wal-Mart products are made is stomach-churning.

The movie very pointedly seems to seek out the opinions of hardline conservatives in order to defuse the knee-jerk Michael Moore critics; I'd like to think that the issues raised by this film (need for better health care, CEO excess, fair day's work=fair day's pay) will become a greater part of the national discourse as a result of this film's release.

And in the interest of full disclosure, my wife and I had made the decision to let our Sam's Club cards elapse in December a few weeks ago.

Thank you, Virginia.

What a relief. The size of Kaine's victory tells me that even Republicans realized what an utter nimrod Kilgore was.

Disaster averted.

Let's call it for Kaine right now...

...because I'll be damned if another close election goes to the Repubs just because they have a better noise machine.

Yes, Tim Kaine won a glorious victory, sending the message that good government gets rewarded by the voters and negative campaigning doesn't work.

For you Republicans, you can take solace in the fact that a Kaine governorship will be better for business and create a welcome stability. So go off and do what you do, I don't know what that is, but I'm guessing it involves not having fun and being incredibly repressed.

And Dems, just remember that when you're flashing a Repub the loser sign, use your RIGHT hand, otherwise it looks like a "J".

A short message to Virginia Republicans...

Sit this one out. Please.

Why would you even consider voting for Kilgore? Really. His proposal is to cut taxes and increase government spending, and let "the economy" balance the budget. We did that already back in '97, remember? It was horrible. Gilmore ran the state into the ground, and now that we finally got back to zero, you'd even think of letting Kilgore hold the ledger?

Why else? Afraid the death penalty will be stopped? That'll happen in Virginia when the Wizards win the Super Bowl.*

Scared of gay marriage? We'll have that in Virginia right after we abolish the death penalty.

So stay home. Give this state a Democratic governor, save yourself some money, build a future for your kids, and you can piss and moan for the next four years and we'll pretend to listen. Deal?


*yes, I know the Wizards are a basketball team...

NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

You bastards! You bloody, bloody bastards!

What the...how am...SHIT! FUCK!!!!!

YOU BASTARDS!

This is BULLSHIT! This is even bigger bullshit than Krull!

FUCK!

So, what did we learn yesterday, kids?

What happens when the Democrats stand up and bring the smackdown? Republicans run and cry like little girls. Sorry, that's offensive to little girls.

Rather anti-climactic, huh? Just like that movie Krull where Prince Colwyn gets the awesome weapon, the Glaive, a five-point razor-blade boomerang, but he's warned by the old fart not to use it until the time is right. So he's storming the Black Fortress with his tiny band of rogues against the awesome army of the Beast, and he's outnumbered like five to one AND they have position on him, but he's still holding his goddamn sword like that's going to be effective at fifty feet uphill against laser spears, and you're yelling "ASSHOLE, THE GODDAMN GLAIVE IS RIGHT THERE! THE TIME IS RIGHT, SHITHEAD!", but no, he waits for the Cyclops to change his mind and come running to the rescue. Then he finally uses it against the Beast for five seconds only to lose it, so he has to finish him off with flames shooting from his hand and HOW THE FUCK DID THAT HAPPEN? Are inhabitants of this planet simply impervious to fire? And when he sticks his hand in that river of lava to retrieve the Glaive, he's pretty calm about it all, don't you think?

Yeah, Krull was bullshit.

I seem to have drifted a bit away from the point. OK, what did we learn, kids? That Krull was bullshit.

Nukes? Sure!

I say let the anti-sex Republicans threaten the nuclear option if the Dems filibuster Alito.

They're only going to be in power for another year anyway...

Some days this shit just writes itself...

The White House is asking the Onion to stop "inappropriately" using the Presidential seal. It seems to me that's more than fair, as long as the White House stops engaging in absurdist comedy.

I'm also guessing since they have time for this bullshit terrorism, poverty, and the Happy Tree Friends have all been taken care of...

If there are any open bets about whether Mark E. Smith, lead singer of the Fall, is kind of a dick or not...

I think the patrons of this club would have an opinion...

Still love their new album, though...

I can only assume that all issues in the Middle East have been resolved, all the radioactive material available on the black market has been accounted for, vaccines for malaria and HIV have been approved, voting machines now leave a paper trail, single-pay health care has been adopted, all injustices of the past have been rectified, equal rights are enjoyed as a matter of law by all races as well as homosexuals, economic disparity has been addressed in all countries, and we have entered a new Golden Age...

(Updated 10/25)

...so let's deal with the social problem that is The Happy Tree Friends.

Apparently, the catalyst for Katharine Ellison's decision to waste my time reading this was catching her 6-year-old watching this online.

First of all, if I may comment, kudos to you, young master Ellison! Your savviness with the internets will hold you in good stead when it comes time to choose a trade.

This article seems to come from the same "it's tough to be a mom" mold as Ayelet Waldman's insufferable works; let's take a look at what passes for insight in this article.

Just when parents thought we knew who our electronic enemies were -- the shoot-'em-up video games, the TVs hawking trans fats, the pedophile e-mail stalkers and teenage-boobs Web sites -- here comes this new swamp-thing mass entertainment: the Internet "Flash cartoon," pared down to pure shock value.

This sounds like what someone making fun of her style might type, but since she insists on flogging this to the public, I suggest that there's exactly one thing in her list that is truly a concern. For everything else, the answer's simple. Don't buy your kids the goddamn videogames, turn off the goddamn TV, and put your computer in the living room so what your kid sees is clearly visible to everyone in the house if you're too goddamn lazy to work the internet filter.

BTW, if Mr. Ellison objects to this last suggestion, he's got a porn file on there somewhere.

OK, now let's discuss the merits of Ms. Ellison's argument.

This whole issue (look what we parents have to worry about!), is of course, nothing new. Marge Simpson dealt with this very issue in the second season of the Simpsons, and Ellison comes to pretty much the same conclusion that Marge does (I guess you can't ban the cartoon, though I'd really like to because I don't like it).

Ms. Ellison's biggest mistake, however, is to make the "when I was your age" argument that earlier cartoons were somehow better:

I know "Tom & Jerry," and this is no "Tom & Jerry." "Tom & Jerry" never pulled knives or tore heads off or used someone's intestines to strangle a third party, just for starters.

"Tom & Jerry" also had creativity, with surprising plot twists and a richly emotive score. Most importantly, "Tom & Jerry" had a conscience. Routinely, Tom attacks Jerry and is punished for his aggression.

You probably noticed that she doesn't really delve into specifics here, and with good reason...

Remember the cartoon "Mouse Trouble"? In that one, Tom hides in a giant birthday package, and Jerry, due to his suspicions, proceeds to shove stickpins into the package at various angles (with Tom's screams in pain heard) and saw the package in half. Jerry then looks in the cut open package, gulps, and holds up a "Is There a Doctor in The House?" sign.

In another cartoon, Tom and another cat try to catch Jerry by prying open the wallboard. As they lift the wall, Jerry smashes Tom's foot with a hammer, and as Tom lets go, the entire board falls on the other cat's fingertips, causing him to scream in excruciating pain. You then cut to Jerry playing the last line of "Yankee Doodle" on the cat's fingertips with the hammer like a xylophone, with the last note also containing a rather satisfying crunching sound as he hits two fingers at the same time.

Yes, Tom & Jerry is rather creative w/its characterizations, esp. the lovable Mammy Two-Shoes, who delighted audiences of all ages. Indeed, one of the important lessons I was taught by cartoons of this era was that if a high-impact explosive were detonated near you your lips would become elongated and pale and you would adopt mannerisms similar to the stylized acting of Mantan Moreland.

And we don't even have to talk about all the others, save to say that "adults" like yours truly can't even buy a DVD of Tom & Jerry that isn't uncensored (not that I'd care, I'd settle for a collection of the criminally overlooked Droopy Dog).

At this point, I must admit that one of my biggest shames growing up was hurting another child in the playground by giving him the ol' Three-Stooges eyepoke after watchin Bugs Bunny do that to the Tazmanian Devil.

I'm glad Ms. Ellison is an accomplished enough writer that she automatically assumes that her wondrous discoveries haven't been discovered by mainstream America. Can't wait to read upcoming articles about the dangers of the rap music...

But if I have a kid, s/he's going to grow up with a fine appreciation of Looney Tunes and Tex Avery, I'd be remiss in my parental duties if I did otherwise.

BTW, if you like the Friends, you might enjoy this cartoon that C. Franz sent me. I'm sure he won't mind,(since he hardly ever updates his blog anymore. And what's up w/that? Being a parent of two wonderful, beautiful daughters is satisfying enough for you? You're saying I don't have a life? Is that it, HUH?)

Saturday morning corgi bloggins...

 


Here's Monty looking all fluffy and shit right after his Saturday morning bath. No more scwatching, scwatching, scwatching...

Guess who's coming to our sleepy li'l town?

The Big Dog himself, to a private fundraiser for Tim Kaine.

Read the response by Jerry Kilgore's representative and see if you don't swallow your teeth in rage. Clinton's out of the mainstream. Clinton. A man with twice the popularity of Bush while facing impeachment.

And of course, this lashing out is typical of the klass-with-a-capital-k campaign Kilgore has been running. Pejorative name-calling and ill-thought-out economic planning is great if you're running a blog that gets forty hits on a good day, but this guy wants to be governor of Virginia. Really, even if you believe in very limited government, don't you think that's just crazy?

Like "balance the budget by doubling spending, cutting taxes, and waiting for Izzschmelzibob the Invisible Market Forces Imp or the next Democratic governor to sort it all out" crazy?

Like "shit yer pants and do a dance" crazy?

No wonder Kaine's getting endorsements and starting to pull away in polls. I'm still nervous, though. When was the last time you heard of a Democrat winning a close election?

Since Halloween is just two weeks away...

I thought I'd put something up to scare the kids...

 


Shit, I just scared myself.

Oh well, enough play, back to the studio! Take us out, legendary pop-jazz vocal combo Manhattan Transfer!

"...if they give you a chance to lick the spoon, take it..."

Ooooooh, no matter how tempting, I promise to limit myself to three helpings of light, fluffy, delicious, no-calorie organic schadenfreude...

Bye-bye, frogface!

What do you do when you're able to believe for a moment that justice actually exists on earth? Some make snarky t-shirts. Some explore and articulate their system of values.

Those who know me, however, know there's nothing I enjoy more than flying in (at considerable expense to myself) legendary pop-jazz vocal combo Manhattan Transfer to record my original compositions!

It has been more difficult to raise the necessary funds for these projects, I don't believe it helps that they've been a bit more unreasonable in their demands (I mean, really, Alan, does it have to be a whole case of Almond Snickers? That's just a Mars bar with a new name, you know). Still, my efforts to get corporate backing have met w/some success. I think they're intrigued by my marketing plan of releasing the CD w/the bonus track "Mmmmm-mmmm, This Beer Is Delicious (I Enjoy This Product)." So we're looking at a holiday release schedule, I'll be sure to keep you posted...

In the meantime, why don't I let them give you a taste as we fade out? Take it away, guys!

"Toss that salad, toss that salad,
Get down there and toss that salad..."

Fancy a corgi, luv?

Next time you stop in Barnes & Noble don't forget to sneak-read the latest issue of Dog Fancy. There's a corgi on the cover and an article devoted to the idiosyncrasies of the quirky li'l dickens.

And when you're finished, why not get a corgi?



Hell, why not buy two?

To our minds, the football is no longer for us profitable, but we provide assurances to you that we still great power...

I don't have cable, so I missed all the ESPN-Sports Reporter-chatter over the fact that Russia failed to qualify for the 2006 World Cup this past week. If you're a foreign traveler, though, you may take solace in this news, since the possibility of being savagely beaten by soccer hooligans has just substantially diminished!

I spent the weekend reading the forums; my favorite comment was from Toyot42 (nice number in your handle, too), who noted that it's going to be unrealistic to field a championship-caliber team in a country where you get one month of summer (if you're lucky)...

"I don't blame you..." (Cat Power review, Satellite Ballroom, 14.10.2005)

This was the most disturbing show I've ever seen, and we're just coming off the big Rolling Stones bomb threat show from a week ago. We were given a Cat Power CD a year and a half ago from my hip aunt and it's enjoyed medium rotation in our house since, but our decision to go was more or less based on the "we go see any concert by someone we've heard about" rule...

As the show approached we had been warned by our friend and the internets about her flaky performances. We didn't know what to expect, but the snoozeworthy opening act (Spokane, I ain't linking them 'cause they stink) did a great job cooling down the crowd with their total lack of stage presence (ooooh, we're hiding behind the amps, we're so vulnerable!) and dirge-like melodies that at their best approximated a third-rate Sigur Ros. Mrs. Nevskaya and I found a dry place against the wall and hunkered down cross-legged, chatting and wondering how the hell we were going to see Ms. Power (Chan, pronounced "Shawn") since we were twelve back and everyone there was at least two inches taller than we were.

A stir and applause rises from the crowd, we stand on tiptoes and a catch a mop of blonde hair, and a pleasant murmur with a touch o' Southern drawl rises from the stage. I can't catch the general murmur, but people start sitting down on the floor like a reverse wave, and there she is in her waifish glory. In jeans and a t-shirt, she walks over to the piano bent over and immediately launches into one of her two-chord songs which is ostensibly new yet resembles many songs from the album we have. After eight minutes or so, she peters out, fiddles w/the piano a bit, then goes into her next song. This continues for a half hour or so, song, fiddle, next song. She plays crouched over the piano like Shiny McShine and doesn't give the audience a chance to applaud, and you can tell they're itching to; they finally throw in some cheers when she pauses a little bit. Then she walks off the stage...

...and comes back w/a guitar. Fiddle, fiddle, two-chord song; it's the first time I get to see her face, and she desperately avoids eye contact w/the audience. But she's feeling her oats and belting 'em out, song-fiddle-song (Living Proof stands out, maybe because it was the only one there with an easily recognizable chorus), but then she starts asking the sound tech in the back if he can make her guitar sound "less bright" and "less heavy". I'm guessing they had these conversations before, because my immediate response would be "what the fuck are you talking about?" Suddenly she turns down the volume on the guitar and turns back to the piano.

And so it goes for a while; turn to the piano, song, song, fiddle, song, turn back to the guitar, song, song, fiddle, song, turn to the piano. I'm liking it just fine, but the divide between the enraptured folkies and the chipsters chatting it up in the back became more and more pronounced, and Chan's total lack of patter and soft tunes weren't helping. Finally, some dude from the middle of the floor yells "Shut up!" and I get a little excited at the thought of a fight. Though my sympathies initally lay w/the folkies, I drift towards neutrality when a self-righteous douchebag that was hopefully looking to get laid starts this exchange:

"Did you all buy a ticket just so you could piss people off? Shut up!"
(from the back)"You shut up, asshole!" (slight chuckling)
(non-douchebag folkie)"O'Neill's* is down the street!" (more chuckling)

O'Neill's - an Irish bar popular w/the UVA students

So I was enjoying the crowd tension, but Chan, in one of her piano/guitar exchanges, mutters into a microphone something like "hopefully I can play a song that doesn't piss anyone off" and goes into a nice cover of "House of the Rising Sun". I'm not a yell-in-the-crowd type of guy, but if I could have innocuously slipped her a note to the effect that she shouldn't let the in-crowd posturing affect her, I would have.

And it was at about this point that I noticed (along with my body becoming increasingly numb from the ass down as I fidgeted more trying to get comfortable sitting on the hardwood floor) that Chan herself was becoming more and more fidgety. The fiddling increased, she became more and more uncomfortable in a manner recognizable to anyone who saw Matchstick Men, the guitar/piano switching became more awkward, and she'd stop songs short. The crowd would cheer as a recognizable lick came up but the expected song wouldn't follow. She then started to mutter how she hears the patter "she-she-she-she" echoing in her head. Mrs. Nevskaya turned to me and said "she's making me nervous", and I was trying to psychically advise her by projecting "play 'I Don't Blame You' and say goodnight!" She turned to the piano and started to play it and the crowd erupted into applause (in my case, fueled by relief), but after the first verse she stopped and rolled her right hand down the piano. Some sycophantic "we love you"s came out from the crowd, but she said into the mic "I'm afraid of the KKK, I'm afraid of the KKK, I have to go" and ran off the stage.

Well.

As we were walking back to the car, we couldn't help but feel bad, but Mrs. Nevskaya did speculate if there wasn't some element of schtick involved in her antics. The next day I was at our local music shop buying an older CD (using the logic that if she made more money from sales she wouldn't need to do shows) and the clerk, who had also attended the show, told me that some members of her circle were saying they would have been disappointed if she hadn't broke down on stage, so maybe there's something to it.

Assuming it's not a schtick, though, and if you're reading this, hon, take care of yourself down in Asheville tonight, OK?

When did we change our state motto from "Virginia is for lovers" to "DUHHHHHHH!"?

In an earlier post I bemoaned the fact that Jerry Kilgore had a good shot at winning the Virginia governorship despite coming off Mark Warner's successful run and only four years removed from the sheer disaster that was Jim Gilmore. God help us, it's neck-and-neck. Kilgore just ran a series of repulsive attack ads (read Waldo Jaquith's excellent blog about it) after getting smacked down in a series of debates by Tim Kaine, and I'm getting Kerry-Bush flashbacks.

It shouldn't be this close, it just shouldn't.

If you live in Virginia, please consider donating or volunteering...

Wow.

My shock isn't due to the fact that the Bush administration would exploit our soldiers for political gain, hell, they've been doing this for the past four years.

No, I can't believe someone in the media is actually calling them on this. Did Georgiepoo drunkenly piss on some reporter's car or something?

Update: About ten minutes after I posted this the word "staged" was removed from the headline of the article.

Help me out here, sibs...

Since you're more up on this whole technology thing than I am...

This new video iPod, is this a good thing? Something excitedly new and different? Seems like bullshit to me (if I wanted to pay $400 to squint I'd get back-alley laser-eye surgery), but maybe you guys have insight to its awesomeness. I await your brilliant comments...

Go.

0 for 2. Shame.

While Michael "Shaggy" Brown was busy singing "It Wasn't Me" for the whitewash panel, we see FEMA dropped the ball yet again during Rita. I thought I'd at least get a bit of schadenfreude out of the fact that Texas was responsible for putting a man in the White House who thinks nothing of taking advantage of disasters, natural or otherwise, not to mention appointing political cronies to positions of national security, but I'm just mad.

So, shall we light the frickin' bonfire already?

Let's give credit where credit's due...

Kudos to Republican Rep. Chris Shays for cosponsoring a bill with Tom Lantos and Barney Frank that may start to address a significant issue arising from Katrina, people who didn't want to leave their pets behind.

Sure, it may be just lip service right now, but these are obviously members of the reality-based community. We live in a society where pets are valued, period. Who didn't get upset when they were told of the story of the kid screaming for his dog on the evacuation bus. And to those assholes who would say "it's only a fucking dog", that's what you say to stop yourself from buying the expensive dog food, not leaving it to drown.

Yeah, I guess that goes for cats, too...

Oh, here's a Humane Society link...

Hey, less than 10K died on 9/11, shouldn't Bush get credit for that as well?

I know the media love optimism, and it's certainly a good thing if casualties won't hit Mayor Nagin's arbitrary and intentionally alarmist figure of 10K. Nonetheless, I can't get into the party mood thatrecent headlines seem to suggest. Perhaps another metric we should look at is the number of preventable deaths that occurred due to this administration's incompetence. I'll throw out an arbitrary number: 0. Let's work the headlines from there...

Well, whoop-de-shit...

The headline of this article says it all, really. In the immortal words of Chris Rock, you want a cookie, you low-expectation-havin' motherfucker?

UPDATE: I would be remiss in my blogging duties if I didn't point out that Barbara Bush deserves to rot in hell.

Which city is next?

Since the Bush administration thinks "damage control" means shifting the blame for their criminal incompetence, please permit me to rant about the three-ton elephant in the room that just shit on our brand new Pier One rug...

Twice, TWICE, the country has been hit with an unprecedented disaster and twice this coke-addled cretin responded to it by hiding under the bed. How many more times does this have to happen? What more proof do we need? George W. Bush is not a good president. He cannot, and could never, handle the job. The sooner we all come to grips with this the sooner we can minimize the damage he can do in the last three long, long years he'll be in charge. I'm not quite sure how to get started, but it seems the most logical steps are 1) encouraging local and state governments to reject federal mandates (as VA is planning to do with NCLB and the northeast is now doing with the Kyoto accords) and 2) working to ensure the Dems take over Congress in 2006. Yeah, I can find some of the Dems distasteful from time to time, but our survival is at stake.

And truth be told, I live in a smallish city, so chances are the next catastrophe won't hit here. I just love this country too damn much to see it get hurt again. But if I lived within 50 miles of a major metropolitan area, I'd seriously be thinking about my survival right now...

That's not the "damage control" we need right now, you unbelievable asshole...

Mr. 36 percent is asking people not to play politics right now. Fine, as long as we distinguish "playing politics" with "justifiable outrage at the rank incompetence of a president".

When the Republicans did it to Clinton, it was the former, but we sure as hell haven't seen enough of the latter with the current Sociopath-in-Chief...

Liberal Blogosphere for Hurricane Relief



"There's nothing wrong with America that can't be fixed by what's right with America." - Bill Clinton.

Hurricane Katrina destroyed thousands of lives. Together, we're raising $1 million for the Red Cross and prove that the liberal blogosphere can help our fellow citizens.

Please donate now.

Bullshit-callers of the world, unite...

You didn't cut your vacation SHORT, motherfucker, you just cut your vacation.

Donate to the Red Cross, and if anyone has any other good ideas, feel free to use the comments section.

RIP, Heimlich...

First Thurl Ravenscroft, and now Joe Ranft...

Heimlich was my favorite character from A Bug's Life; I actually enjoyed the McDonald's commercial (where Heimlich eats the TV Chicken McNuggets and then says "Who said there's nothing good on TV?") almost as much as the film...

I've read enough Dostoevsky to know better than ask God about the reason for such things, but Geez Louise, Limbaugh's RIGHT THERE and it's not like he's doing the world any good...

Well, Daryn Kagan might disagree, but I'm kinda getting off the topic here.

Goodnight, funnyman...

I think Mr. Gilliard...

..has the perfect slogan for Senator Santorum. Rick probably will never use it, since it's all accurate and shit...

Are Virginians finally waking up?

I was as surprised as anyone that a new poll shows Tim Kaine in a statistical tie with Jerry Kilgore. I mean, Kaine destroyed Kilgore in a debate where Kilgore not only insisted that independent candidate Russell Potts not attend, but also that the event not be televised, yet we all know that winning a debate doesn't mean anything in this modern political landscape. What's surprising to me is that perhaps, just perhaps, people are comparing Mark Warner to Jim Gilmore and realizing that a vote for Kilgore is a vote for a return to ideology over common sense (which may also be why Potts, a former Republican running as an independent moderate, is doing so well).

I won't hold my breath, Virginians have voted time and time again against their own best interests, and God bless Howard Dean, but I can't talk about this sort of stuff without getting angry anymore. I'll throw Kaine some cash, though (and so can you with the link to the right)...

"I'm a fiddler crab! WHY DON'T YOU SHOOT ME?? IT'S FIDDLER CRAB SEASON!!"

Via DigitalBits I found this blog with the list of cartoons for the third Golden Collection of Looney Tunes. While I successfully resisted purchase of Volume Two despite Show Biz Bugs (too many Road Runner cartoons), this one has some of the weirder cartoons I just happen to like (Bowery Bugs, Wideo Wabbit, Hare Tonic).

Did they go through all the Yosemite Sam cartoons already? He's noticeably absent on this volume. Speedy Gonzales made the cut though...

Guess I'll trip, and trip, and trip over to my wishlist...

"Put your makeup on, fix your hair up pretty and meet me tonight in Atlantic City..."

You all have a good weekend, as Mrs. Nevskaya and I are going to meet sis and bro in the Best Little Shithole in New Jersey, where the grown men ain't afraid to cry, the buffets test the strongest of stomachs, and just try to get between granny and her slot machine.

Should be a blast.

I'm sure it won't matter a lick in VA-5...

...that questions are arising about the money Virgil Goode received from defense contractor MZM (go to Local News, scroll down to July 11). After all, he's our beloved congressman, who...I'm sure he did something....there was that time...oh, yeah, he did introduce legislation to make English the official language in America (whew!) and call on National Guard troops to patrol the Canadian border ("drop those loonies and put your hands up!")

Well, anyway, he's going to return the icky money, which in our fair and balanced media would make him a flip-flopper, right?

You also may want to look at Waldo Jaquith's detailed, in-depth analysis if you're the sort of person who still expects ethical behavior from our elected officials.

No hyperbole here...

...to say that Rep. Tom Reynolds of New York is participating in the stonewalling of the Rove investigation, and thus, utilizing Republican "either you're with us or against us" logic, hates America. And freedom.

Apparently, there's a website devoted to keeping an eye on Reynolds.

And I don't know if Jack Davis will be running against this guy again, but I hope it's someone with cash.

Oh Lord, spare me their fake outrage...

Really, is there anything more tiresome than Republicans pretended to be offended by things? Hillary Clinton, Howard Dean, even relatively mild comments get Republicans out of their daylight coffins in order to offer their huffy conniptions. It would be laughable if there weren't real things to be upset about...

How 'bout treason, for starters? I mean, real Republicans, who supposedly love freedom and America, should be yelling the loudest for a full investigation and wonder about the apparent stonewalling of the current administration, correct?

How about the fact that kids are going hungry in America? This article was on Yahoo for about 15 minutes a month ago and now this is the ONLY example I can find on the Web after doing a News Google search. We could waste our time wondering why this article isn't more widely know, but let's all agree that in 21st century America children going hungry is a disgrace. Oh, this article got replaced in Yahoo with, you guessed it, Cheney ripping on Dean.

I'm sure Bush will comment on either of these stories soon...but while I'm holding my breath I'll donate to my local food bank.

Here is London, giddy London, is it home of the free or what?

My bro and Matt have already written lovely posts, and my wife and I simply adore that city, with all its wankers, tossers, benders, fucking Dr White honkin' jam-rag fucking spunk-bubbles, and geezers.

We wish you all the best...

Happy Independence Day!

Besides having a nice quiet day with my wife, I'm celebrating by donating to Howard Dean and the DNC for independence from the incompetent, terrorist-supporting, troop-hating Bush administration.

And let us pay tribute to our Founding Fathers by continuing to fight for their liberal principles.

16 days...

...with nary a post? What's up? Who gives a sweet fuck? As Ricky Roma would say, "What's the fucking point?"

I like my little corner, I really do, but hundreds do it better, so when the outrages come fast and furious, enough scramble to cover the latest one by the time I grab my thoughts together it's not only redundnant, it's repetitive. That doesn't bother me, what does is the plummeting level of discourse in this country. Granted, that's nothing new, but it's been seeping into my real life. How can one discuss things with people who believe in the Rapture? And I don't mean nouvelle-American-at-reasonable-prices with pet-friendly-outdoor-seating Rapture. People around here need a good smack upside the head with a Homey-The-Clown inflated bladder stuffed with quarters. And if I never heard another wingnut's fake outrage it would be too soon. Yes, I live in Virginia, and I can walk down the street without fear of homos getting married. I think that's our state motto, "Live Without Fear of Marryin' Homos". Of course, it sucks for all those closeted Republicans like Ed Schrock, forced to live a double life, but hey, they made their bed.

I'm a Yankee, I know it, it doesn't matter how long I live in VA, I'll always say "War of Nothern Aggression" while rolling my eyes. And I've lived in states where Republicans ruled, somewhat effectively I may add. New Jersey, Maine, I thought I could deal. But it's fucking loony down here. I mean loony. I was expecting Kevin Phillips-Bong but we got Tarquin Fintimlimbinwhinbimlin-bustop F'tang F'tang Ole Biscuitbarrel. Loony, I tells ya. I moved down here ten years ago to streets festooned with "NO CAR TAX!" signs; Jim Gilmore won the governorship with that slogan. I think that's all he had. No public appearances, no tv spots, just a bunch of signs that said NO CAR TAX! And maybe a sign or two that said
"My Opponent's a liberal. And gay. But I'm not." He won big. And ran this state into the fucking ground. Mind you, he did cut the car tax, which I'm sure was a relief to the hundreds of thousands like me that saved $50 on their 7-year-old cars only to take it up the tush as a first-time homebuyer with huge property tax hikes to compensate for the enormous shortfall. Being the worst governor in Virginia is saying something, mind you. It was, however, one of the few points in the state's history where the retarded idea of limiting governors to one term in office had its upside. How shitty was Gilmore as a governor? Virginians elected a Democrat, Mark Warner, who balanced the budget, made all the tough choices Gilmore refused to make, and returned this state to solvency. We have one of the highest bond ratings in the country. Even Republicans broke ranks with their bibble-bibble-oatbran party in order to support this; Warner got a cut in the food tax (how fucked we are example #38, we paid higher taxes on food than cigarettes, yeah I know, tobacco farmers, don't care). But Warner leaves in November.

So we've got a new race, Jerry Kilgore v. Tim Kaine. Now, you'd think, maybe, just maybe, people would say "well, as an economic conservative, my natural urge is to vote Republican, but Kilgore comes from that hyper-radical wing of the Republican party that looks simply to cut progressive taxes that favor the rich without compensatory budget measures. We've already seen how much damage this can do after four years in Virginia, and for that matter, five years on a federal level. While I'm also conservative on social issues, the fact is both state houses are so overwhelmingly Republican the Bills are going to win the Super Bowl before homos get married here, so why not make a vote for common sense, and go with the party that has illustrated they understand how to run the government in this state?"

Ok, maybe I'm the only that thinks that should happen. Hence the frustration.

Mind you, the "call the other guy a liberal and faglover" strategy would probably get the Gobbledygooker 51% of the vote here. I just wish the VA Republican party would run someone that charismatic and intelligent. Once John Warner retires, the Virginia Republican party will be represented by Gilmore and Kilgore, toady li'l crapweasels that have put in their time but I wouldn't trust to run my local McDonald's, and cretins like George Allen and Virgil Goode, vacuous dimbulbs whose reputation as lightweights in Congress is masked by their spindly, pale, Ashley Wilkes-esque physical appearance which passes for good (in)breeding down here in the South. I feel for those that are working to try to save us from ourselves, I'm starting to think that we're just doomed to get the representatives we deserve, and maybe I'd be better served just devoting more time to a new hobby. How about rims? Kids seem to like the rims. My '95 Saturn does need some sprucing up...

I'm tired, I'm going to crawl back under my bed now. Talk to you in 16 days.

Halloween? Rocky? Friday the 13th?

I could lose my geek pass for this admission, but I have no idea if Batman Begins is a restarting of the myth or meant to be the fifth film in the 90s series...

But it did lead to a debate w/the CmdrSue posse that you might find interesting: Was there ever a good fifth film in a series? For this discussion we can dismiss Empire because the only debate there is whether the film is actually #5...

Hmmm. What was the fifth Bond film?

Howard Dean speaks for me...

I signed the petition. Please go do so if Howard Dean speaks for you...

And if some wingnut tries to bait you with fake outrage, might I suggest a calm Three-Stooges eyepoke as an appropriate response that engages said wingnut on a level of discourse to which s/he is accustomed?

A meeting of the minds last night of epic proportions...

...took place as famed blogger Matt Lind, yours truly, our spouses, and other local intellectuals gathered in order to determine the best way to stop the media lock the White House has over the country, to halt the viral spread of fundamentalism that has frustrated the dear social liberties we have taken for granted for so long, and to steer the country in the right direction, returning America to the values we have championed in theory but fallen so short of in principle.

OK, actually we played Settlers of Catan and tried to come up w/the most puerile response possible to "Who wants wood?" (I think Matt and I tied...)

But next week, I promise, stop media lock, halt fundamentalism's viral spread...

It's been awhile...oh however that song goes.

I've been lax on the blogging, my bad; until I come up w/something substantial you can use the comments to discuss Revenge of the Sith (which I saw this past weekend)...

Am I the only one who gets scared...

...when Commander Cuckoo Bananas speaks?

I've said it before, but it's not his idiocies that makes me grate my teeth down to the bloody nerve endings, it's when he decides to speak to you as if YOU'RE the idiot.

"I think the Iraqi people dealt the insurgents a serious blow when we had the elections," Bush said. "In other words, what the insurgents fear is democracy because democracy is the opposition of their vision."

Mind you, this is the stuff that the Bush-ball-nuzzling media think is QUOTABLE...

"Stink, stank, stunk" never applied to you...

Thurl Ravenscroft, singer of the Mr. Grinch song and voice of Tony the Tiger, dies and the world becomes a slightly crueler place...

If this sh*t keeps going on I may have to start drinking on a regular basis...

First it was the home security robots, then the rise of self-replicating robots...

What's the next big scientific development? Just a fucking DEATH STAR LASER BEAM!

I knew there must have been a reason Dubya was spending extra time practicing Doom 3...

Back to dumpster diving, but at least I have a reason now...

In the aftermath of the Bunnymen debacle, fans have been asked to hold on to their ticket stubs. Wouldn't it be cool if they gave us each TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS?!?

No, that's not likely. I'd settle for five and a kiss...

Damn you, Latvians!

I found this poll humorous and disturbing; the question is "Who hates Russia most of all?"

America came 3rd. 2nd? "Everybody."

Based on my own personal interactions, I voted for Estonia, but they were a bit further down the list...

Let's not be paranoid, shall we, our friend to the East? There there, you're still a great economic and military power which we all fear. No need to rattle that rusty sabre...

Well, we were spared the cutter...

Just got back from the Baltimore HFStival; I'll print some more comments later but good show notwithstanding, I was really let down by the walkoff of Echo and the Bunnymen. After two aborted attempts at "Lips Like Sugar" and then an attempt at "Rescue", Ian McCulloch walked off the stage and the band followed. I thought at the time it was a protest at faulty mic equipment, but these forums indicate McCulloch was in the bag (Sis heard something else, too, I'll let her post about it in the comments if she would like).

I find it hard to believe he couldn't stagger through 4-5 songs even if he were in the bag. A dick move, but I still to reserve the right to buy their shit in the future. After all, I'm going to give Lucas more money...

Update (May 16): There's an apology up on the website. First reaction from me is their inaccurate characterization of "their set being cut short". There. Was. No. Set.

"Revenge of the Sith" ending revealed...

Sorry to spoil you, readers, but I just caught an advance screening last night and thought you should know. Here it is...

PALPATINE

Now is the time, young Skywalker, you must make your choice!

OBI-WAN

No, once you go over to the Dark Side, THERE IS NO RETURN!

ANAKIN (in deep thought)

You know what, you're right, Obi-wan! I don't think I'll join the Sith after all!

[GEORGE LUCAS jumps into screen, drops his pants, and starts waving his bare ass at the audience]

LUCAS

HA HA! Reverse engineer THAT, nerds! I despise you all and hold you in contempt, and still you give me your money! KISS MY ASS!


Well, can't say I'm surprised...

By the way, that wasn't a clip, that was the entire movie...

Spare us the cutter...

I'm up at Sis's place in Baltimore this weekend for the HFStival. Does the fact that the band I look forward to most is Echo and the Bunnymen too readily reveal my age? Wonder if they'll still have poofy hair...

Not to be alarmist or anything, but MERCIFUL MOTHER OF GOD WE'RE ALL GOING TO FUCKING DIE!!!!!!!!

This article pops up on Yahoo News and the streets AREN'T covered with the end result of millions shitting their pants in fear?? Self-replicating robots, people!! In combination with the home security technology just made available, we're talking about a potential army of death squad robots. And where's the goddamn Department of Homeland Security on this?? Are they just going to wait until Khan or Davros figure a way out of their hyperstasis? Please, call your congressperson now and alert them of this potential menace!

'Cause they've stopped taking my calls...

С днём победы!

Happy Victory Day to all those who love kicking Nazi tushie all points west from Stalingrad. Please enjoy this clip from one of my fave Russian bands, Auktyon, which has nothing to do with the actual holiday save the title, "Victory Day" (track 2 on this album).

"Please for you to enjoy, Mr. Bush, this soup without dioxin!"

If Bush wants to call Lukashenko a scumbag, well, no argument there, but using the Victory Day celebration to remind Putin of the Soviet occupation of the Baltics? Ever hear of timing, cretin? If Jacques Chirac visited DC on Independence Day and gave Bush a tongue-lashing about the Japanese-American interment camps, I wonder how that would play on Fox News. And I've been in Russia for a few Victory Days, you just don't mess with them, we as a nation have no idea how sacred this day is to the Russian people. I don't know if it's possible to be even more hated abroad as Bush is now, but this is one way to do it...

And George, just a bit of friendly advice if you can ignore the source. Maybe daddy was in the CIA, but you're out of your league here. Putin might just have you garrotted in your hotel room...

UPDATE: Told you.

Man is elected president after saying he will "restore honor and dignity to the White House" and his wife delights America with a joke about how he jacked off a horse.

I'm not kidding...

WTF, Haloscan?

It seems that my own comments have been deleted from some of my previous posts. Granted, nothing I feel particularly bad about losing, but has this happened to anyone else?

So how's by you?

You ever have those weeks? Final papers and exams to grade, combined with various other distractions, have made me lax contributing to THIS distraction...

Not feeling particularly clever today, either, not that that ever stopped me before.

I don't even have a clever title for a Larry-King-esque post like "Odds and sods" (my brother's designation)...

Oh well, let's get crackin'...

* Happy Orthodox Easter everyone! What's that, you already celebrated Easter a month earlier? Well, see you all in hell...

* Don't really have an opinion on the "kidnapping-that-wasn't" story except to say that picture they kept showing looked really creepy...

* Another reason to hate Texas. Republicans blocked a plan to name a stretch of highway after Willie Nelson, citing partisanship. Because the last thing you'd want is to name anything after partisan figures, right, STATE WITH THE FREAKIN' GEORGE BUSH AIRPORT??

Well, enjoy the day...

"Faced with increasing pressure to resign his post, Tom DeLay prepares to address Congress..." 

Apropos of nothing save my continuing reluctance to grade the first draft term papers on my desk...

...but can someone please take a picture of the new pope that doesn't look like he's about to teach Anakin Skywalker about the advantages to the Dark Side of the Force?

Господи, дура такая... (Christ, what an idiot).

Condi's got a Ph.D. in Russian Studies. So do I. So does C. Franz. None of us are qualified to be Secretary of State, but at least Franz and I know the difference between "da" and "nyet".

Complaining about the cases? Lord, that's the sort of sh*t I heard when I was a TA in RUS 101. And there are only six; be thankful you didn't study Estonian...

Doesn't anyone ever get tired of our representatives abroad acting like children who found their parents' old clothes in the attic?

Oh, there's a Kos diary on this...

CHARGE THE MOUND! CHARGE THE MOUND!

OK, a bit childish for me to wish this, we don't need to inject politics into something as innocuous as the first pitch of the Nationals game.

And Bush was busy looking busy while using taxpayer money to get perks for the Texas Rangers, so I'm guessing that he's been around enough baseball diamonds to know that those white lines aren't made of cocaine and he shouldn't snort them.

Though you'd think he would know not to pick his nose at a televised game.

I've been out of the baseball loop for a while, but I have been doing some Mets blogging this year.

Best. Post. Ever.

That's my brother for you...

YOU HAVE 20 SECONDS TO COMPLY!

About goddamn time someone decided to deal with the pressing need for home security robots. But only 15 inches tall? I hope they pack some mean firepower, I'd personally prefer the plasma gun, but would settle for laser beam eyes.

Hope they're not as easy to pick off as Trade Federation droids. Hell, even Empire Stormtroopers can defeat them...

After so many geeky references in one post, I'll go off to the corner and hate myself now...

Just in case you were wondering (and even if you weren't)...

I took advantage of our local music store's liberal "try before you buy" policy to listen to this album...and the singer wasn't suffering from a cold. The band replicated their sound pretty accurately onstage...they just stink.

Just so you know.

Maybe I'm missing the point of opening acts...

I thought the whole point was to excite the crowd and get them psyched for the main attraction, just as when the fantabulous Corn Mo left the crowd at Starr Hill breathless, only to be followed by an even better show from They Might Be Giants. But after witnessing the sorrowful performance of Blonde Redhead, Mrs. Nevskaia and I were tortured for at what seemed like hours as Andy Waldeck cooled down the crowd watching and waiting for David Lowery and Johnny Hickman, billed as "Camper Van Beethoven/Cracker Unplugged". Mr. Waldeck's first song, "Infidel", was a pretty decent folk song I must admit, but the next 83 wore on the nerves. I was a bit annoyed by Waldeck's INSISTENCE we listen to a song under the pretext that the uninteresting first line was clever; if you can't maintain our interest that's hardly our fault (and that line wasn't funny at all). By the time we got to Johnny Hickman's solo set (panned in the comments by the irrepressibleC.Franz) we were thankful for a little bit of energy and humor, esp. since it was 10:30 and we were sitting in the Music Hall for 2 hours...

Though that's partly my fault, because I can never figure out the goddamn Time Doors Open to Main Attraction formula...

"Fortunately, I'm a master of disguise, so my research could continue..." 

"You make me want to pick up a guitar, and celebrate the myriad ways that I love you."

Blogging from the DC area this morning, as I traveled to my sister's place in order to catch Interpol last night at the 9:30 Club. A solid, professional show (give that guitar player a Quaalude, though), but the real revelation was the opening act, Blonde Redhead. Might have been the absolute shittiest performance ever from a group I paid money to see. And I'm including De La Soul's horrible '93 performance at Bates College. It was all the more offensive to me because I normally like this sort of crap: shoegazer guitar chords powerfully strummed for two-three minutes with heavy use of the ol' flanger pedal, with either a skinny male mumbling incomprehensible lines about a cruel world or an ethereal female ready to protect you in her moist mother-earth embrace. But the illusion was destroyed every time Kazu Mikano opened her mouth, thus turning their performance into high comedy. After every painfully out-of-tune line she insisted on doing a dance that resembled a cross between Axl Rose and a drunk Olive Oyl. I'm still in shock from the stunning lack of self-awareness. Sis and I killed time waiting for the Interpol set up with various theories concerning BR's ability to score a gig like this (they all involved Mikano being someone's girlfriend), but a quick Amazon search reveals they've been around for a while. Judging from their song titles, their hilarious pretensiousness isn't limited to concert performances, and remember, this is coming from a guy with two Slowdive albums.

Maybe she was just getting over a cold.

I almost want to buy their album just to find out how production masks her voice, she CAN'T sound like that on disk, can she? Oh well, the drummer was good (I'm such a softie, I have to say something nice about everything).

Didn't say much about Interpol, did I? Certainly not enough to justify the use of a song line as a subject title. Didn't realize the bassist was so angular. And kudos to Sis for finding a great spot to watch the show (balcony in the right corner affords a great view of everything).

Classic 2 + 2 = 5 post of the day!

As we look back at one year of blogging, which was of course absolutely necessary and vital and not at all redundant, repetitive, or superfluous, I think the one unique trait of this blog, the one that keeps halves of dozens coming back for more, is the Nostradamus-like prescience exhibited by the author. Here's a chestnut you'll no doubt remember...

--

11 May 2004
Now that I got my free crap, I can say with enthusiasm...

VOTE FOR JOHN KERRY!

Thanks for the bumpersticker Johnny, you're going on right under Howard, because when I drive I want to convey the message, "Sure, Howard Dean would have probably been a better president and beat up Dubya like a schoolyard bully, but when push comes to shove, Democrats are cowards and pick the 'safe' candidate, but you can certainly take solace in the fact that Kerry will also give Dubya a few kicks as we throw his cracker ass out of the White House."
--
This has been a 2 + 2 = 5 moment, brought to you by me when it's not a socially acceptable time to drink and I'm too lazy to joylessly masturbate.

Bloggerz still trippin' over shit I said last year...

You know, the gruesome flesh fetish parade going on in Florida distracted me from a somewhat important personal milestone.

This blog had its first birthday this past Saturday.

And in its honor, I give you the first "classic" post...

--
19 March 2004

Everyone else is doing it, so why can't I?

Greetings, all. You may remember me from such blogs as Thoughts That Get Stuck in My Head. But why inflict my thoughts on CmdrSue's webspace when it is just as easy (and cost-effective) to create my own little nook? And so I have. Howdy!

And now that I'm here, any suggestions to improve the look while my blog is still in its gurgling infancy?
--

See, even back then I didn't have much to say and you could see the desperation emanating from your monitor. *snif* The good ol' days...

"Despite everything, I believe that people are really good at heart."

Anne Frank wrote that, not me. I don't think I believe it, at least, watching the way a depraved lunatic fringe is taking advantage of a mother and father's refusal to face reality in order to indulge its sick flesh fetish is strong evidence to the contrary.

All the same, articles like these allow me to remember that there are generous people in this country who truly do try to help one another and make sacrifices for the greater good. This can be hard to remember given the spiritually bereft, materialistic culture being promoted by the current administration, but Americans can still be capable of such gestures.

Still sad, and still sickening...

After reading about this flesh fetish parade going on down in Florida, my wife and I both made it clear to each other that in similar circumstances we would want to be let go.

But I see our wishes don't mean shit to Congress.

In an incredibly disturbing, creepy article, who possessed the most disturbing, creepy quote? You guessed it, Texas congressman/alleged human Tom Delay:

"I tell you I won't feel good until that tube is put back in. It's been 58 hours. I hope, I pray she lasts until that judge puts that tube back in," he said.

He then said "bibble-bibble-oatbran"...

Sad, and sickening...

...but what would you expect from a ghoul like Randall Terry? But just in case he's truly concerned about alleviating hunger and not just engaging in repulsive political theater, he may want to check out this site.

How scary is it...

...that this Onion article makes perfect sense to me?

This one's for the siblings...

...as I take a page from the right-wing bloggers and write something about which I know nothing. A TiVo-Apple merger? Whaddya think? Will Steve Jobs once again save the universe with a consumer electric product that will look nifty, cost 20% more than everything else, and be purchased by almost 1% of the public? Do I care? Not really, because like all smarmy thirtysomethings I readily dismiss that which I don't understand...

You had me at "Turkey Twizzler"...

I've often gone into embarrassing gushiness over Jamie Oliver, who's second only to Rush Limbaugh in terms of helping to increase household mortar-and-pestle sales, so I may as well link to his new website, dedicated to helping UK kids eat better in schools. Anyone who has seen Super Size Me, or hell, anyone who's been to a mall lately (and if you're like me, it's all you can do to keep from pointing at certain children and yelling "SWEET LORD, DID YOU TAKE WILLY WONKA'S EXPERIMENTAL CHEWING GUM WITHOUT HIS PERMISSION?")will attest to the worthiness of his goal.

But you don't want to know what a "Turkey Twizzler" is...

Update: OK, there's a picture of one on Jamie's other website. Try NOT to think "pig's pecker"...

Now THAT's a school lunch name...

С Международным днём женщин!

That's right, I hope you all went to Hallmark today to buy shitloads of useless crap for your mom, wife, sister, co-workers, and various other ladies for International Woman's Day!

Really, why hasn't Hallmark exploited that one? I mean, we're almost three weeks past Please Give Me Relea...er, Valentine's Day and still have a good week 'n' a half to go to St. Patrick's...

Perhaps it's due to women not snorting double heapin' handfuls of hillbilly heroin as often as men...

Just saying, is all.

Oh, Rush, my dear, you are an idiot. At least the drugs helped you take the weight off...

The thrill of victory...

Go here if you want to see what's being called one of the best curling shots ever (click on the video link). I don't think I've been so choked up since watching the last out of Randy Johnson's perfect game last year. I don't know that much about curling (always try to watch it during the Winter Olympics), but that looked fucking impressive...

Verm und foozzy cheeldhuud memureees (in Svedeesh Cheff)...
Bork Bork Bork!

Fur sume-a reesun, I fuoond myselff theenking ebuoot zee Svedeesh Cheff. He-a ves elveys my fefureete-a, vhee ve-a vere-a keeds und he-a ceme-a oon, ve-a'd joomp up und doon und yell "It's zee Beker!" (tuuk a vheele-a tu get hees neme-a). I feegoored thet geefee zee prefelence-a ooff thurty-sumetheengs in errested defelupment hungeeng oooot oon zee Internets, zeere-a moost be-a a prugrem sumoohere-a thet chunges Ingleesh intu Svedeesh Cheff lungooege-a.

Gooess vhet? Zeere-a is.
Bork Bork Bork!

I think I just solved the Social Security "crisis"...

...but I've only been thinking about it since this morning, so I'm not sure. What if we:

A) Leave employer contributions alone.

B) Cut the employee contribution rate to 2%, get rid of the $90K cap, and make the first $200K of income exempt.

OK, if you make 90K a year, I just gave you about five thou extra a year which you can use to start your own IRA, and the extra 2% for those making over 200K is still less than they were paying during the Clinton years.

Any economists out there to tell me why this wouldn't work? (Besides the obvious fact that no Repub would vote for it, I mean.)

Some good ol' Virginia politics bloggin'...

Haven't written so much about this recently, but what the hell...

Jerome Armstrong put up a post about a recent poll showing Mark Warner beating George Allen in a race for the Senate in 2006. Warner clearly has presidential aspirations, but I selfishly hope he goes after Allen's seat. Frankly, I don't think Warner's ready for prez, he comes off as a little stiff and boring on TV, but he can write his own ticket in Virginia right now, we love the guy. He's also the only guy with a chance in holy hell of knocking off that nimrod, and I'd love to see Allen's head on a pike decorating the walls of Castle Dean.

I bet you're all wondering how our good buddy Al Weed's doing after his loss to the incumbent Virgil Goode (Traitor) in the heavily conservative VA-5 district. Well, he's got a new organization going designed to get the word out about the lack of values and plentitude of incompetence in the modern Republican party. Give him a click.

For assholes who miss the point entirely...

This wonderful Kos diary is something you should forward to everyone who complains about how Social Security can't fund their retirement. It's not meant to, you idiot, it's supposed to protect the elderly against poverty (thanks to the econ professor, btw, who talked with me about this at length).

If you want a private retirement account so goddamn bad, go and open one. But Bush and his supporters seem to think their broker fees should be paid for with my taxes. Assholes.

To quote Nick Cave, I don't believe in an interventionist God...

...but there's no harm in hoping.

Here's a good place for a lightning bolt. You know You want to. And the best part is, no one will ever know. It'll be put down as (ironically), an act of God! Brilliant! So go ahead, I got Your back.

How will the White House find new press conference reporters...

...if Alberto Gonzales keeps going after pornographers?

Hey, the spirit of Ashcroft lives. Be honest, you just want to confiscate some freebies, dontcha...

FIX! FIX!

Once again, the Pembroke Welsh Corgi gets screwed out of the Westminster Dog Show; I think some German shorthaired whatever won...

Fine, you tell me which dog deserved to win...

OK, I was just interested in the pictures...

Let's get this straight: this was the guy who managed to get a press pass into the White House in order to lob softball questions to the President.

Perhaps I should repeat this in all caps.

THIS WAS THE GUY WHO MANAGED TO GET A PRESS PASS INTO THE WHITE HOUSE IN ORDER TO LOB SOFTBALL QUESTIONS TO THE PRESIDENT!

And where is the outrage?

You gotta be fucking kidding me.

Many words have already been written about our sycophantic media, but articles like this one just take the cake. Has the bar been lowered so much that Bush gets praise for working on the weekends? (Don't answer that.)

By 2007 I guess we can all enjoy "Bush snorting 35 percent less cocaine", "Bush notes only 5 states bombed by terrorists as accomplishment in 2006 SOTU", and "Leaders impressed with Bush shitting pants only one during G8 meeting"...

THAT WAS IT?!??!?

I finally heard the Scream.

Thanks to the family decision to cut off cable a year and a half ago I had managed to remain blissfully unaware of the actual Scream, though I thought I received an accurate enough picture thanks to collective gloating/groaning from Dean opponents/supporters.

Now that Dr. Dean's election to be head of the DNC is a foregone conclusion, NPR played a somewhat derisive piece about the difficulties he will face, and of course, that included the Scream.

I braced myself in the car, preparing for an elephantine bellow resembling sounds Ewan McGregor made in the detox scene in Trainspotting.

And I almost ran off the road in rage. I couldn't believe it. Yeah, it was a little goofy and his voice cracked, but Dubya does four dumber things every morning before his breakfast cocaine.

Mr. T. was right about the media. You're all leeches and parasites.

And we're a nation of idiots.

A damn fine question...

...from Mr. Stephen O'Hanlon.

Why is the Republican party so devoted to Christian fundamentalism whilst being so blind to social compassion?

Maybe we can think this one over as I drag myself back to my sickbed...

A public service announcement from 2 + 2 = 5.

We have received reports from our crack staff that many of you who are watching the State of the Union address tonight plan to participate in some sort of drinking game.

Given normal drinking game mechanics, we strongly recommend you refrain from tying alcohol consumption to this event. A shot of booze for every blatant lie, a can of beer for every lame platitude, even a sip of wine for every insipid smirk can lead to consumption of alcohol on a scale that would make Dylan Thomas projectile vomit. And given Bush's recent plans to gut health care, you may not be able to afford a late-night stomach pumping.

So please, drink responsibly tonight. And by that we mean get all of your drinking out of the way before the address so you've got a chance in holy hell of tolerating what will probably be a malaprop-laden fiasco.

2 + 2 = 5. We care.*

*The phrase "we care" does not imply a legally binding relationship and management reserves the right to withdraw care without notice.

You can't spell "obnoxious asshole" without "Bush"...

Gee, aren't we full of ourselves?

Bush said he is leading the United States toward an honorable goal in Iraq and across the world. "I firmly planted the flag of liberty," he said.

Wouldn't you have thought he'd like to share the credit?

Hey, remember when John McCain wasn't a partisan hack?

Yeah, I'm finding it harder and harder to remember it, too, but this was surprising...

"So I wonder why we are starting this new Congress with a protracted debate about a foregone conclusion," McCain said. Since Rice is qualified for the job, he said, "I can only conclude that we are doing this for no other reason than because of lingering bitterness over the outcome of the election."

C'mon Senator, you really don't understand why your colleagues, who you've claimed to respect in the past, might have misgivings about Rice given her past performance and weaselly appearance at her confirmation hearings? Of course you don't agree, but feigned ignorance as a rhetorical device? Cheap shots? I expect that crap from Santorum, not you.

Hey, Dubya, I'm a shitty writer, can I get paid too?

C'mon, people, we all knew it wasn't just Armstrong Williams.

I'm sure my Comments box will soon be flooded with Republicans who will temporarily forget partisanship to denounce this irresponsible usage of their tax dollars...

Don't let yourself grow cold, fox in the snow...  

Crystal flows silent as links...

It's time for my occasional cleaning of the links page (sorry Poker Blog Dude), which this time is devoted to pages that certainly don't need my links but wouldn't refuse them out of good manners...

Media Matters has been doing vital work calling bullshit on the major news netwoks. I can't believe people actually have the stomach to watch and document this; ten minutes of CNN now and I can feel pieces of enamel on my tongue...

I've always been a fan of Steve Gilliard, but this past week he's been even better than usual, so the least I can do is give him a link and move him up the ecosystem. Why don't you go and read his stuff now? He's been "beating" Kos AFAIC...

Yep, our electorate, ladies and gentlemen...

I was going to link to this article and comment on how Bush's re-election has hurt our standing in the world, but frankly, it was a lot more fun to read the idiotic comments from the mouthbreathers under "Read/Post Messages".

My favorite subject heading? "EUROPE: WORST COUNTRY EVER"

Sigh. I wish I were kidding.

How long has the CNN Quickvote writing staff been on crack?

I mean, they've had some shitty questions, but this one's a howler. I had to answer "the same", because how the hell could Dubya be less effective this term?

Asshole.

Hey, I didn't vote for the guy, and I never believed him when he said he would usher in a new era of personal responsibility, but those voting for Dubya on those grounds should be kicking themselves right about now.

President Bush said the public's decision to reelect him was a ratification of his approach toward Iraq and that there was no reason to hold any administration officials accountable for mistakes or misjudgments in prewar planning or managing the violent aftermath.

"We had an accountability moment, and that's called the 2004 elections," Bush said in an interview with The Washington Post.

Anyone who voted for him under principles of economic conservatism should be howling that their tax dollars are being used to pay off political pundits; I wonder how many people who felt Clinton's lying was grounds for impeachment will step up and denounce our president now.

I mean, really, I understand Republicans wanting to give their guy the partisan benefit of the doubt, but aren't you getting tired of being lied to all the time?

What-the-fuck-ever.

Are we supposed to be impressed that Bush admitted he's an idiot?

"I don't know if you'd call it a regret, but it certainly is a lesson that a president must be mindful of, that the words that you sometimes say. ... I speak plainly sometimes, but you've got to be mindful of the consequences of the words. So put that down. I don't know if you'd call that a confession, a regret, something."

Yes, the fact that he speaks like a grown-up thalidomide baby is a problem, but it's a small problem compared to his inability to catch terrorists and his desire to raid Social Security...

Liar.

I'm getting tired of Bush's further attempts to scare the shit out of us, but the least he can do is not insult our intelligence...

"I happen to believe people who have been elected to office who ignore problems will face a price at the ballot box," Bush said during a forum with voters who support his goal of creating private investment accounts to partly replace guaranteed benefits.

No, you don't. Your own re-election proves that (Whatsama's his name?)...