2 + 2 = 5

He's not a dickhead just because his bald head resembles the tip of a circumsized penis.

I mean, he was good in The Assassination of Jesse James, honestly, he was. But all the same, fuck James Carville.

It must be mavericky straight-shooting to make the same mistake over and over again.

McCain still seems to be confused about who we're supposed to be fighting, and I guess Lieberman wasn't standing by to whisper sweet corrections in his ear.

I wondered why the media seems to be giving McCain a pass on this when Obama would have been raked over the coals, so I asked my buddy covering the McCain campaign. Here's his response:

--
"Hey Nev! Good to hear from you! You know, he has a soft ice cream maker in the break room! We like to put in Edy's Cookie Dough ice cream, and then mix in ANOTHER tube of cookie dough so it's all ooey-gooey good! We call it the Super-Duper Cookie Dough Bomb Blitz Blizzard! It's so much fun covering John McCain! Yippee!
--

Ah.

I'm sure the media can help me out with this...

Not understanding what's going on in Iraq, is that an example of his mavericky straight talk, or his straight-shootin' maverickness?

Update: I just received an answer from a media rep, and I quote:

"He's serving the Carolina BBQ in the press tent tonight! Hot diggity!"

Thoughts on Obama's speech in one sentence...

Agree with him or not, it's refreshing to have someone actually talk to the American people as if they're collectively older than six.

Because snooty lords need mavericky straight talk too!

But only American donations please, you see, even straight-talking mavericks need to follow the fundraising rules as they try to weasel out of their matching fund commitments.

But...but, he's such a MAVERICKY scaremonger!

I think it's a little early for McCain to start playing the "Vote for me or your kids will die" card, but that's why I'm not in politics...

And isn't it generally accepted wisdom that the bin Laden tape four years ago helped Bush? Is it too cynical of me to think that McCain is covering his tushie in case there IS an attack?

Probably, though the way McCain's been running his campaign hasn't mollified my cynicism...

Oh, for heaven's sake...

Geraldine, just go away...

You're not being attacked because you are white, you are getting called out for being an asshole. There is a difference, you know...

Hmmm, must be a Democratic sex scandal...

...everyone involved is over the age of consent.

An upset in the making?

GO HUCK GO!

UPDATE (8:13 PM):

Fuck.

BTW, does anyone else think it's funny that even with Hillary getting pwned, she still whomps the shit out of McCain and El Huckarino by 30K each?

Anyone? Anyone? I think it's pretty funny meself...

Hey, lay off Mike, Mr. Grouchypuss!

If you're going after Mike Huckabee, who got the coveted Nevsky Republican primary endorsement, you're going to have to go through me too.

And by the way, you sucked on Law & Order...

Happy New Year cool cats and crazy kids!

And although the new year as always brings new hopes, dreams, and ambitions, some things remain comfortably the same. The media still sucks and makes me want to poke my eardrums out with a Cuisinart hand blender, and the upcoming election year is going to make things a whole lot worse.

But hey, my brother's blogging again!

Let the piling on begin...

..and it couldn't happen to a more deserving asshole...

And the coveted Republican presidential candidate endorsement goes to...

...I don't give a fuckabee, I endorse Mike Huckabee! (And Mike, you can have that slogan for huckafree. Hee.)

Now, I haven't liked Mr. B in the past, for his coarse political discourse (He called Michael Moore fat! The man has feelings you know!). But anyone who has Chuck Norris in his political ads and scores a good zinger on BullMitt Romney can't be all bad.

So congrats Mike, you get Nevsky's coveted endorsement for the Republican candidacy!

Which places you ninth on my list for president, behind seven Democratic candidates.

And "none of the above".

I'm coming out of hibernation to call bullshit...

As we all know, the holiday season is upon us, where people of all nations, creeds, and races come together in the spirit of peace and understanding...wait a minute, that was that Coca-Cola commercial they used to play when I was a kid, I meant the season where douchebags like John Gibson and Bill O'Reilly strain like an 80-year-old with an impacted bowel to build up fake outrage and act Hurt and Wounded (TM) that the traditions as they know them no longer exist.

Witness the latest attempt, it didn't surprise me that the whole banning of "ho,ho,ho" in Austrailia story was a wash, because it sounded ridiculous in the first place. When I first heard the story, I was like Whitney with her cocaine receipts; show me the complaint, show me the person who was actually arguing that "ho,ho,ho" was offensive.

Still waiting...

Because anyone who would actually complain about this would be either 1) batshit insane, and therefore easy to ignore, or 2) a plant doing an impression of a mid-90s PC zealot, which are as rare these days as a Democratic senator with a spine.

Here's Nevsky's Rule of Political Correctness: since 1995, people who complain about political correctness have been more annoying than political correctness itself. What these people usually want is what they inaccurately perceive as their (insert deity here)-given right to be assholes, which is why Gibson and O'Reilly are their patron saints.

My advice, free of charge: Chill the fuck out, and go pop in the Grinch DVD...

Don't taze me, bro! I just want to tell the Senator about Nevsky's Top Ten!

10) The Fall, "Youwanner"
9) The Pretenders, "Mystery Achievement"
8) The Cars, "Bye Bye Love"
7) Busta Rhymes, "Get Out!!"
6) Bob Mould, "Reflecting Pool"
5) Paul Kelly, "Dumb Things"
4) Bright Eyes, "If The Brakeman Turns My Way"
3) Seal, "Prayer For The Dying"
2) Aimee Mann, "Ghost World"
1) Bob Dylan, "Days of 49"

2 + 2 = 500!

I just noticed that my last post was No. 500 for this ol' blog.

I should say that had I known I was reaching such a significant milestone, I would have done something a bit more substantial than make cheap Larry Craig jokes.

But I know myself too well...

I don't give a shit about Senator Craig's sex life. And neither should you.

Or the Republicans who are insisting he retire. But if that's what can force you out, they should at least be consistent and get David Vitter to go too.

And it seems to me that if Craig WERE gay, and admitted as much, he could go have as much homosexual sex with gay men of the same gender as he wanted without tapping out Morse Code in airport bathrooms...

Who says we're a divided country?

Red and blue states agree that Giuliani is a big douchebag!

Having been served bowl after bowl of "Everyone Hates Hilary" goulash (and no Hilary fan I), I'm surprised my home state, Virginia, has her up, since they've had no problem electing the ilk of Jim Gilmore and Virgil Goode. Well, if you're hated by half the country, I guess your hope is that your opponent is hated by 55%...

Ok, let's settle this right now...

I think this is hilarious, my brother doesn't. And I had no idea this was a parody of a real game show, so that's no factor. Who's right?

Hey kids, more fun than a punch in the junk, it's time again for "What's Ickier?"

And this is a special "I wish to God I was kidding" edition!

*First, we have an upcoming movie featuring Mary-Kate Olson and Ben Kingsley kissing.

*Or, we have an Uwe Boll movie (bad enough, you'd think) featuring "Kids In The Hall" and "Newsradio" star Dave Foley in a full frontal nude scene. Scratching himself.

You guys start the clock, I'm busy trying to remember how to tie a slipknot...

Labels: ben kingsley, uwe boll, what's ickier