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31 August 2004

A hundred billion bloggers washed up on my shore...

Dammit, dammit, damn you Blogger. I'm starting to think the "Next Blog" button was developed by the Republican Party to distract people from all the lies. (It did come up about a week before the convention...COINCIDENCE?!?)

God bless all of us, we do try. I've thought about linking to some of you, but no, it's better this way, we've had our fun, goodbye stranger, sweet devotion's not for me, I'll wash up at home...
Anyone watching the Repub convention?

I admit I've only caught snippets, but listening to John McCain and Rudy trying to convince people Dubya wasn't hiding out in undisclosed locations and giving the least inspiring speech ever on 9/11 was too much to take...

Thought I might try to find video online, though, just because I heard they got that guy who was in "Last Action Hero". Wonder what he's been up to...

30 August 2004

Hey George, is Laura going to catch Osama for you too?

For all the Hilary- (and now Teresa-) bashing the GOP employs, you'd think Georgie-poo wouldn't use his mommy or his wife to fight his battles so often.

In the interview she is asked, "Do you think these swift boat ads are unfair to John Kerry?"
"Not really," she replies. "There have been millions of terrible ads against my husband."


Notice she didn't say there were inaccurate...

OK, I'll admit you're tough, Laura, but my wife could take you...

29 August 2004

Guess I'm kind of a man after all...

After my humiliating last-place finish in a home poker tournament two weeks back, I returned to the scene of my disgrace vowing not to finish last, and actually surprised myself with a second-place finish (out of 6). Basically, I won my ten bucks back.

When we got heads-up, though, I was outchipped about 5-1 and really never got back into it. With about 1000 chips left and 100-200 blinds, I was called with 6-3, flop came down J-4-5. My opponent checked, and I went all-in, my mistake. It would have been much better to call an all-in bet than go all-in with just a draw and nothing else. My opponent called with a pair of fives and I didn't get my straight. Liked the way I played a lot more this time...

27 August 2004

"You can light yourself a torch on the old front porch, but don't go in the basement..."

Well, the first week in our new home, and if there were Big Brotheresque cameras (I'm talking shitty reality show, not Orwell novel) filming us 24/7, you'd probably see scenes that would invoke comparisons to either Home Improvement if Tim Allen ever broke down sobbing, or perhaps "Rabbit Hood", the Bugs Bunny cartoon in which the Sheriff of Nottingham, once realizing he had been duped into building a new house on the King's property, can do nothing more than scream "OOOOH, I HATE MYSELF!" and bash himself in the head with his hammer...

It's been fun.

This morning I've been down in the basement peeling away layers of dust and spiderwebs, while the dehumidifer has been running full blast pulling water out of the house in 40-pint bucket increments. Dare I say, the old place is starting to look good...

It doesn't mean that if that smug bastard Bob Vila ever showed himself around I would refrain from slugging him a good one...

25 August 2004

Take a journey without ever leaving your home!

I've spent about 10 minutes clicking on that "Next Blog" button and already looked at blogs in four different languages, read one that had nothing but Bible quotes (mostly Revelations), and had the ending of The Brown Bunny spoiled. Oh, what a voyage!
OK, I'm scared.

Thanks, Charles...

23 August 2004

"Picturing you with a hammer is like picturing George W. Bush with a copy of Gravity's Rainbow under his arm..."

That C. Franz is one funny motherfucker; this was his comment to me after I had mentioned some of the new home projects I've undertaken this past week. We moved into a quaint, old home back in Charlottesville proper after three years of townhome living in more conservative Albemarle County. It's nice to walk the pooch past lawns festooned with Kerry signs for a change...

Natch, "quaint" and "old" means "lots of home projects to undertake". Thank heavens my wonderful family (hi, guys!) all came down and lent me much needed non-spazzy hands while I dealt with the fun stuff, like killing the shit out of the poison ivy in our backyard.

Now that they've all gone, my wife's the only non-spaz in the house, but armed with the right tools and a shitload of Round-Up, I'm taking the plunge and joining the world of happy homeowners.

So, what's been happening in the election. What's the big issue? Jobs? Incompetence? What Kerry did in Vietnam, you say? Why don't you wake me in November, I'll be lying here in the poison ivy...

16 August 2004

"Glorious gold, so-so silver, and shameful, shameful bronze..."

On the Simpsons, it's funny. Too bad that line is taken seriously by some...

I'm glad Yahoo changed its headline to read "upset" rather than "loss". I find it hard to relate to athletes who state their goal is multiple golds, since over my young life I've accumulated more participation and good sport awards than you could shake a stick at...

And the members of the U.S. basketball team are showing a helluva lot more class in their loss than reporters who insist on calling that loss "humiliating". Eat me, media. (How many times will we mutter that phrase until November?)

12 August 2004

Matt Damon, I ain't...

And while that also means that I have the more rugged manly sexiness of a Ben Affleck rather than polished boy-next-door features, in this case I mean I can't play no-limit hold 'em for shit.

Yesterday I entered my first tourney, billed as an $10, 18-person casual affair, where I thought I might be able to sharpen my skills and build on a couple of mildly successful low-limit sessions in casinos. Well, 4 people showed up, and I was out first. I don't even have any good hands to analyze, but I'll throw in the one that knocked me out...

I had about 250 left (started w/1000) and 20-40 blinds, going up to 25-50 after the hand. By this point I was looking to go all-in with anything halfway decent since I was the short stack, and I got A-3. I raised it to 50, two fold, one calls. The flop comes out 4-A-3, so I go all in with my remaining stack and get called. I hope the guy has A-K or something like that, but he turns over A-4, nothing on the turn and the river, bye. I played too many damn hands and didn't throw away when I knew I was beat.

Now you may be thinking, "what the hell's the big deal about a $40 game"? Well, I'm insanely competitive. I'm a real dick when I play Trivial Pursuit as well...
Way to think on your feet there, George...

This clip has already been linked to death on other sites, but man, this should become the new "Fool me once". I didn't flub my defense questions this badly...

11 August 2004

How could they do this to her when she was suffering through unprecedented drywall injuries?

The Tubey Award Results are in and the winner of the Most Appalling Reality Show Star award is...drum roll...well, it's not a big surprise, really.

What did surprise me is Lex's failure to make the top 3. At least the other two candidates had entertaining moments...
SWEET LORD! THIS IS JUST WRONG!

Well, it is...

10 August 2004

But is my 2-for-1 buffet coupon still good??

The Donald has filed for bankruptcy specifically so that his casinos could be reorganized and made profitable. If I may suggest, Donny, more $5 blackjack, the Taj is really looking its age, and there's no reason you can't have poker in the Plaza and Marina. Gotta capitalize on the WPT generation, they are your future base...
Meh...

I'm back, but I do hope that the taffy I've brought back for my co-workers is seen as a gift, and not a metaphor for my brain right now...

So, anything interesting happen while I was out?

04 August 2004

Vacation's all I ever wanted...

I know I'm taking Dubya time here, but my wife and I are going away for another long weekend, first to NYC (don't worry, we'll be on super-shmaduper alert) and then to Rhode Island for some beach time.

Talk to y'all on Monday...

03 August 2004

I approve this message, and I think it's awesome...

CmdrSue showed me this hilarious clip. Will Ferrell's Dubya impersonation has really improved; it was always funny, but he's got the voice down now.
Why it's so important to kick the Republicans out...

I admit, I haven't read Blog for America as much as I used to, often because I'm still a tad on the bitter side, but I went back to celebrate Howard Dean's statement that thanks to President Bush it's impossible to tell whether the recent terror warnings are politically motivated or not. (Despite media hype to the contrary, Dr. Dean isn't saying they are politically motivated, but that Bush isn't above doing that, which is absolutely true). Anyway, I stumbled along this article by Rep. Jerrold Nadler about Tom DeLay's disgusting abuse of power in Congress, which should scare the crap out of all of us.

I also found out I missed another bat. Shoot. Well, it broke without my help...

02 August 2004

I wish I lived in Virgil Goode's world...

Virgil Goode, the congressman for our district, perhaps most famous for (other VA-5 residents feel free to correct me) switching from the Democratic party to the Republican party after being elected as well as floating a proposal to have the National Guard patrol the US-Canada border, states that Virginia will vote Bush and he will win his congressional seat again because, well, Virginia is Republican. And Mark Warner was elected Governor NOT because Jim Gilmore ran this state into the fucking ground and lied to state legislators while doing so, but because Warner had more money. You see, in Virgil Goode's world, constitutients never take note of the performance of their elected officials. I guess all of that anecdotal evidence I've heard of Republicans voting Libertarian this year or staying home is just wrong.

If you read this article, and get as mad as I did, won't you consider throwing a sawbuck Al Weed's way?

01 August 2004

It's not so fucking simple, OK?

Sorry for the pottymouth, but since I got into YET ANOTHER debate about the so-called "McDonald's coffee is too hot" case yesterday morning at our usual dining spot, I found this article in Kos to be timely, to say the least.

As you can imagine, I'm lots of fun to be around, especially before my initial cuppa...