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05 October 2009

A bunch o' birthdays...

First and foremost, happy birthday sis!

And then, Monty Python, considerably older at 40...

04 October 2009

Another edition of "better bloggers"...

And surprise! It's John Cole...

This is the kind of mind-numbingly stupid wankery that we get when people have nothing to say but feel the need to say something anyway. The President went, like every other head of state, to try to get the Olympics for his country. It was awarded to Rio. Nothing else happened, and anyone who states otherwise is simply sniffing glue.

21 August 2009

Good idea, bro...

I was bitching to him about the Repubs annoying contrariness and how they'd turn down free handjobs from Megan Fox if Obama proposed it, and per his suggestion, I'd like to see Obama propose the Congress Members Not Repeatedly Hit Him/Herself In The Head With A Hammer Act...

09 August 2009

I'm giving ya two seconds to give me the dough, see...

25 June 2009

Head...hurting. Jaws...clenching. Understanding that we live in a godless universe...clarifying.

After seeing the new ad for the Burger King *siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh* Super Seven-Incher, I have to applaud the bevy of scientists and quantum mechanics who worked with Mike Judge because all this time I thought Idiocracy was a work of fiction.

29 May 2009

Better bloggers our star blazers...

I've been turning more and more to Topless Robot as THE go-to blog to satisfy all my nerdly cravings. But why would I link to this particular article?

It is called "The Ten Reasons Star Blazers Is Unbelievably Awesome Beyond Words."

Biggest critique? There are obviously more than ten. Like eleventy billion more...

28 May 2009

The only thing to make me laugh in an extremely crappy, ear-infection-laden week...

23 May 2009

This is why I want to visit Japan...

Cause you can get something like this for only eight bucks.

Why are they talking out of their noses?

Why is there a bear?

But the biggest question on my mind is why am I not PLAYING THIS RIGHT NOW?

26 April 2009

At first, this piece was called "Being and Nothingness", then I found out someone already used that, so now it's just called "Happy Meal"...

“The total is $6.88, please drive up to the pay window.”
“Thank you.”
“Jim? This is Bobby, could you drive up to the window now, please? We need to talk.”
“Just give me a minute…”
“I’m sorry, but we need to talk right now.”
“A few more seconds…”
“Now. Please.”
“Oh, fine. You could have waited.”
“Here you go.”
“All right, what’s so important?”
“You see, it’s…aw, man. Look, Jim, there’s no easy way to say this, but you can’t masturbate in the drive-thru lane anymore.”
“What? But I LOVE to mastur…”
“I know. Sorry man. Hey, if it was up to me, you could do that here all day…”
“I don’t need to do that all day…”
“The thing is…”
“I’ve got a life, you know.”
“The thing is, the manager kind of thinks, there are, you know, health issues. We’re a restaurant.”
“But I’m in MY CAR!”
“I know.”
“Look in the glove compartment. Antibacterial wipes! My hands are always clean…”
“Hey, I told him. To tell you the truth, I think he was looking for an excuse. He seems to be squicked out by the whole thing.”
“Well, I’m so glad he’s so perfect he can judge…”
“Really sorry, man.”
”You’re losing a regular customer, you know.”
“I told him that.”
“Sometimes I don’t even eat the food, I just toss it in the dumpster. I could have just done my business and driven off, I didn’t have to contribute.”
“The staff always appreciated that, Jim.”
“I wore my special pants today…”
“Listen, that corner of the parking lot’s empty, if you need to…finish.”
“I’m not in the mood, thanks. And sorry if I lost my temper, Bobby, I know you’re just doing your job.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“You’re a good kid. I’ll see you around.”
“Sure. Thank you for visiting and we hope you enjoy your meal.”
“Hey, Bobby. Was that Jim’s car?”
“Yeah. I had to tell him he couldn’t masturbate in the drive-thru lane anymore.”
“What? But he LOVES to masturb-…”
“I know, I know.”

11 April 2009

Happy pagan harvest festival to all...

And in recognition of renewal and our weekend rituals with various fertility symbols, I present to you the classic "Easter Yeggs".

This cartoon is noted for its reimagining of Elmer Fudd. Without his archetypal hunter's uniform, Fudd is now a sociopath consumed by psychotic bloodlust, made all the more chilling by his seemingly normal appearance and friendly, inviting home. As we see later in the "Tunnel of Love" scene, his at-first-inexplicable drive to kill the Easter Wabbit is clearly the manifestation of long-repressed forbidden desires. Unable to act on these desires, Fudd can only find release through acts of violence and torture (his drowning pit appropriated later by Thomas Harris for the Buffalo Bill character in Silence of the Lambs). Fudd's later presumed demise from repeated blunt force blows to the head is fitting end to a man consumed by his own violent internal struggles.

Happy Easter!

27 March 2009

You WERE all waiting for the exciting conclusion, weren't you?

24 March 2009

Christ, this blog's going nowhere. Maybe I should send for Wondergran...

24 February 2009

Better bloggers yet again...

What John Cole said, and here's the money quote:

Having the party of Bush lecture you about out of control spending is like having a heroin addict chide you for putting too much sugar in your coffee.

23 February 2009

Anyone who's ever played videogames with me...

...will like this clip.

07 February 2009

Big gobs of stupid make Baby Jesus cry...

There have been numerous articles/radio show screeds against the recent decision to cap executive pay of banks that receive TARP funds that read like a textbook of Missing The Point Entirely 101 but I'm going to rant against Carly Fiorina's editorial because it reads as if she wrote the Cliff's Notes version of that textbook.

Oh sure, her points sound eminently reasonable on their face: we need more transparency on CEO pay, CEO compensation should be voted on by shareholders, any bank that has failed to the point that TARP funds are needed should be followed by that CEO's resignation. I'm for all of that! If we had a corporate culture that encouraged any of those reasonable standards perhaps we wouldn't even be in this financial mess. But that ship has long passed over the horizon and discovered the New World. Hell, Ms. Fiorina seems to have forgotten that not only have these banks received TARP funds, THEY'VE ALREADY USED THEM TO CONTINUE THEIR PRACTICE OF UNDESERVED BONUSES! Talking about good behavior, now, NOW, finally, after we've demanded some accountability, is balls, pure and simple. She's like the sullen teenager who, after spending months stealing money out of his parents' dresser and skipping school, promises he'll be good as Dad disconnects his XBox and takes his TV out of the room

And the one thing that comes through in her commentary is her obnoxiously condescending attitude towards the American taxpayer:

"And because the American taxpayer is now a partial owner in many companies, the government can get a vote as well -- in some cases a very sizeable vote."

Oh, how generous of you! Wrong. Look what she says earlier:

"Americans are outraged over excessive CEO pay and perks. That outrage is justified, particularly when American taxpayers are footing the bill."

It's not "part" of the bill we're footing? Well, then we get the say. And as a taxpayer, I think executive pay capping's a great idea. Heck, even Richard Shelby agrees on this one!

And to all of those who cry "socialism" so often I keep expecting Inigo Montoya to show up. I'd like to point out that if bank execs find the conditions attached to receiving the bailout too draconian, they're absolutely free not to take them. I'm sure brilliant executives like Carly Fiorina will help you get back to solvency...

06 February 2009

Quoting better bloggers makes your blogging go much more quickly!

What John Cole said:

I really don’t understand how bipartisanship is ever going to work when one of the parties is insane. Imagine trying to negotiate an agreement on dinner plans with your date, and you suggest Italian and she states her preference would be a meal of tire rims and anthrax. If you can figure out a way to split the difference there and find a meal you will both enjoy, you can probably figure out how bipartisanship is going to work the next few years.

02 February 2009

Hey, dummy, it's the three best Super Bowl commercials...

3. I felt it didn't need the framing device, but Conan's still Conan...

2. The writers understand this principle: mildly funny x incessant repetition = comedy gold

1. This ad made me laugh long and hard and hate myself at the same time for doing so. The clear winner:

31 January 2009

Now with 50% more arbitariness, it's Nevsky's Top Ten!

10) Jay-Z, "Lost One"
9) Pavement, "Western Homes"
8) Led Zeppelin, "The Immigrant Song"
7) Slowdive, "Alison"
6) Mos Def, "Perfect Timing"
5) The Fall, "Eat Y'self Fitter"
4) Talib Kweli, "The Beast"
3) Joy Division, "Dead Souls"
2) Archers of Loaf, "Web in Front"
1) GBV, "Gold Star for Robot Boy"

11 January 2009

Oh, the Giants...

That was disappointing to say the least; and Eli Manning just had an inexcusably shitty game. I mean, he's had games like that before, but he's been so money when it counted that I guess I got spoiled.

04 January 2009

Rejoice, nerds! The new Doctor is here!

And to those of you who say "Doctor who?", I say, "Exactly!" Which entitles you to a free punch to the nutsack!

I actually haven't even made it through the Eccleston era yet. Not because I didn't find it excellent, but because with fatherhood and so many other nerdly pursuits taking up my spare time, I felt bad jamming the Netflix queue with stuff my wife will (quite rightly) never, never, never be interested in. Ever.

But maybe I'll netflick 'em anyway!

Gotta go. Someone knocking on the door gleefully waving a "Free Punch To Nevsky's Nutsack" coupon. I wonder what he wants...

02 January 2009

Happy bla bla bla...

The annoying rationalist in me blanches at the thought of the new year arbitrary signifier and doesn't want to pay it any mind.

But the just-as-annoying optimist in me looks forward to the new year with a sense of renewal.

But the most-annoying-of-all ME me will probably just be building Duplos with my daughter, and then playing Chrono Trigger DS after she goes to sleep.