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26 April 2009

At first, this piece was called "Being and Nothingness", then I found out someone already used that, so now it's just called "Happy Meal"...

“The total is $6.88, please drive up to the pay window.”
“Thank you.”
“Jim? This is Bobby, could you drive up to the window now, please? We need to talk.”
“Just give me a minute…”
“I’m sorry, but we need to talk right now.”
“A few more seconds…”
“Now. Please.”
“Oh, fine. You could have waited.”
“Here you go.”
“All right, what’s so important?”
“You see, it’s…aw, man. Look, Jim, there’s no easy way to say this, but you can’t masturbate in the drive-thru lane anymore.”
“What? But I LOVE to mastur…”
“I know. Sorry man. Hey, if it was up to me, you could do that here all day…”
“I don’t need to do that all day…”
“The thing is…”
“I’ve got a life, you know.”
“The thing is, the manager kind of thinks, there are, you know, health issues. We’re a restaurant.”
“But I’m in MY CAR!”
“I know.”
“Look in the glove compartment. Antibacterial wipes! My hands are always clean…”
“Hey, I told him. To tell you the truth, I think he was looking for an excuse. He seems to be squicked out by the whole thing.”
“Well, I’m so glad he’s so perfect he can judge…”
“Really sorry, man.”
”You’re losing a regular customer, you know.”
“I told him that.”
“Sometimes I don’t even eat the food, I just toss it in the dumpster. I could have just done my business and driven off, I didn’t have to contribute.”
“The staff always appreciated that, Jim.”
“I wore my special pants today…”
“Listen, that corner of the parking lot’s empty, if you need to…finish.”
“I’m not in the mood, thanks. And sorry if I lost my temper, Bobby, I know you’re just doing your job.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“You’re a good kid. I’ll see you around.”
“Sure. Thank you for visiting and we hope you enjoy your meal.”
“Hey, Bobby. Was that Jim’s car?”
“Yeah. I had to tell him he couldn’t masturbate in the drive-thru lane anymore.”
“What? But he LOVES to masturb-…”
“I know, I know.”

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