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26 February 2005

Verm und foozzy cheeldhuud memureees (in Svedeesh Cheff)...
Bork Bork Bork!

Fur sume-a reesun, I fuoond myselff theenking ebuoot zee Svedeesh Cheff. He-a ves elveys my fefureete-a, vhee ve-a vere-a keeds und he-a ceme-a oon, ve-a'd joomp up und doon und yell "It's zee Beker!" (tuuk a vheele-a tu get hees neme-a). I feegoored thet geefee zee prefelence-a ooff thurty-sumetheengs in errested defelupment hungeeng oooot oon zee Internets, zeere-a moost be-a a prugrem sumoohere-a thet chunges Ingleesh intu Svedeesh Cheff lungooege-a.

Gooess vhet? Zeere-a is.
Bork Bork Bork!

25 February 2005

I think I just solved the Social Security "crisis"...

...but I've only been thinking about it since this morning, so I'm not sure. What if we:

A) Leave employer contributions alone.

B) Cut the employee contribution rate to 2%, get rid of the $90K cap, and make the first $200K of income exempt.

OK, if you make 90K a year, I just gave you about five thou extra a year which you can use to start your own IRA, and the extra 2% for those making over 200K is still less than they were paying during the Clinton years.

Any economists out there to tell me why this wouldn't work? (Besides the obvious fact that no Repub would vote for it, I mean.)

23 February 2005

Some good ol' Virginia politics bloggin'...

Haven't written so much about this recently, but what the hell...

Jerome Armstrong put up a post about a recent poll showing Mark Warner beating George Allen in a race for the Senate in 2006. Warner clearly has presidential aspirations, but I selfishly hope he goes after Allen's seat. Frankly, I don't think Warner's ready for prez, he comes off as a little stiff and boring on TV, but he can write his own ticket in Virginia right now, we love the guy. He's also the only guy with a chance in holy hell of knocking off that nimrod, and I'd love to see Allen's head on a pike decorating the walls of Castle Dean.

I bet you're all wondering how our good buddy Al Weed's doing after his loss to the incumbent Virgil Goode (Traitor) in the heavily conservative VA-5 district. Well, he's got a new organization going designed to get the word out about the lack of values and plentitude of incompetence in the modern Republican party. Give him a click.

21 February 2005

For assholes who miss the point entirely...

This wonderful Kos diary is something you should forward to everyone who complains about how Social Security can't fund their retirement. It's not meant to, you idiot, it's supposed to protect the elderly against poverty (thanks to the econ professor, btw, who talked with me about this at length).

If you want a private retirement account so goddamn bad, go and open one. But Bush and his supporters seem to think their broker fees should be paid for with my taxes. Assholes.

19 February 2005

To quote Nick Cave, I don't believe in an interventionist God...

...but there's no harm in hoping.

Here's a good place for a lightning bolt. You know You want to. And the best part is, no one will ever know. It'll be put down as (ironically), an act of God! Brilliant! So go ahead, I got Your back.

17 February 2005

How will the White House find new press conference reporters...

...if Alberto Gonzales keeps going after pornographers?

Hey, the spirit of Ashcroft lives. Be honest, you just want to confiscate some freebies, dontcha...

16 February 2005


Once again, the Pembroke Welsh Corgi gets screwed out of the Westminster Dog Show; I think some German shorthaired whatever won...

Fine, you tell me which dog deserved to win...

15 February 2005

OK, I was just interested in the pictures...

Let's get this straight: this was the guy who managed to get a press pass into the White House in order to lob softball questions to the President.

Perhaps I should repeat this in all caps.


And where is the outrage?

13 February 2005

You gotta be fucking kidding me.

Many words have already been written about our sycophantic media, but articles like this one just take the cake. Has the bar been lowered so much that Bush gets praise for working on the weekends? (Don't answer that.)

By 2007 I guess we can all enjoy "Bush snorting 35 percent less cocaine", "Bush notes only 5 states bombed by terrorists as accomplishment in 2006 SOTU", and "Leaders impressed with Bush shitting pants only one during G8 meeting"...

11 February 2005


I finally heard the Scream.

Thanks to the family decision to cut off cable a year and a half ago I had managed to remain blissfully unaware of the actual Scream, though I thought I received an accurate enough picture thanks to collective gloating/groaning from Dean opponents/supporters.

Now that Dr. Dean's election to be head of the DNC is a foregone conclusion, NPR played a somewhat derisive piece about the difficulties he will face, and of course, that included the Scream.

I braced myself in the car, preparing for an elephantine bellow resembling sounds Ewan McGregor made in the detox scene in Trainspotting.

And I almost ran off the road in rage. I couldn't believe it. Yeah, it was a little goofy and his voice cracked, but Dubya does four dumber things every morning before his breakfast cocaine.

Mr. T. was right about the media. You're all leeches and parasites.

And we're a nation of idiots.

08 February 2005

A damn fine question...

...from Mr. Stephen O'Hanlon.

Why is the Republican party so devoted to Christian fundamentalism whilst being so blind to social compassion?

Maybe we can think this one over as I drag myself back to my sickbed...

02 February 2005

A public service announcement from 2 + 2 = 5.

We have received reports from our crack staff that many of you who are watching the State of the Union address tonight plan to participate in some sort of drinking game.

Given normal drinking game mechanics, we strongly recommend you refrain from tying alcohol consumption to this event. A shot of booze for every blatant lie, a can of beer for every lame platitude, even a sip of wine for every insipid smirk can lead to consumption of alcohol on a scale that would make Dylan Thomas projectile vomit. And given Bush's recent plans to gut health care, you may not be able to afford a late-night stomach pumping.

So please, drink responsibly tonight. And by that we mean get all of your drinking out of the way before the address so you've got a chance in holy hell of tolerating what will probably be a malaprop-laden fiasco.

2 + 2 = 5. We care.*

*The phrase "we care" does not imply a legally binding relationship and management reserves the right to withdraw care without notice.