A public service announcement from 2 + 2 = 5.

We have received reports from our crack staff that many of you who are watching the State of the Union address tonight plan to participate in some sort of drinking game.

Given normal drinking game mechanics, we strongly recommend you refrain from tying alcohol consumption to this event. A shot of booze for every blatant lie, a can of beer for every lame platitude, even a sip of wine for every insipid smirk can lead to consumption of alcohol on a scale that would make Dylan Thomas projectile vomit. And given Bush's recent plans to gut health care, you may not be able to afford a late-night stomach pumping.

So please, drink responsibly tonight. And by that we mean get all of your drinking out of the way before the address so you've got a chance in holy hell of tolerating what will probably be a malaprop-laden fiasco.

2 + 2 = 5. We care.*

*The phrase "we care" does not imply a legally binding relationship and management reserves the right to withdraw care without notice.