Mommy, make the stupid stop...

Read this and cry for humanity. Now, you may think that I am going to rant and rave about how the cretin was a dickhead for smacking his girlfriend, for throwing a hissy fit for not getting the right Christmas present even though he's 26, and for throwing said fit to his obviously doting grandparents.

Now all of those things are true, but what really makes his behavior monstrous was that he was upset for receiving a Nintendo Wii, which is awesome. What a dick. Now that his puerile behavior has been captured for all to see and google, how's this guy going to get a job?

Maybe he should think of the armed forces...

Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey, you were an underperforming congressman!

And it's now official. So long, Virgil.

And asking for a recount given the margin would be a real WATB thing to do, but I certainly believe you might do it...

Oh, wait. You did.

I am SO fucking freaked now...

I thought I was cool with blogging, made my cheap jokes, threw something up there and was done for the day. What else do I need to do? I remembered I was going to make an Amazon wish list for my baby girl, for the upcoming holidays/birthday (having her birthday near Christmas saves us a FORTUNE on presents!) So I remember we were thinking about getting her a nice little baby doll, so I innocently did a baby doll search, not thinking...

FUCKING LOOK AT THIS! ALL THOSE GODDAMN EYES! WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY STARING AT ME?!? Jesus FUCK that's disconcerting...and that was even before I got to the Baby Shrek doll! How the hell is that supposed to soothe children? Christ...

Sorry honey, but I'm going to have to unplug your night light, Daddy can't sleep without it. Thanks Amazon!

Update: It's OK, I found the perfect doll for her...

You know what? Good for Axl...

He's been the subject of so many easy jokes that I give him mad props for making this album, especially since I was sure the geopolitical concept would come first.

I can't wait for someone else to buy it so I can listen to it!

Sometimes the stupid is just too much...

...isn't it, Gordon?

*sigh* Well, maybe they'll run Gilmore again...

I was afraid McAuliffe's particular brand of douchebaggery would infect my state (Go Deeds!)

Don't get too comfortable, Terry, I wouldn't want my man Howard to come after you again (and happy birthday, Dr. Dean!)

This post is LONGER THAN YOU THINK!

I'm surprised bro didn't pick up on this, actually...

I'm not linking to this Stephen King review because I'm excited about the new book. With one exception (see below) I haven't read a new book from Big Steve in about fifteen years. although the thousands of his pages devoured by my siblings and I have stayed with us long enough so that phrases like "waking jaunt" to indicate tedium have crept into our collective vocabulary. No, follow the link for the comments section, which quickly (d)evolves into reminiscences of fave King books and short stories, bringing me back to a warm place in my adolescence, usually warm 'cause I just pissed my pants after getting scared from reading It.

My faves, The Long Walk and The Running Man are mentioned often; aficionados will quickly note they're technically by Richard Bachman, King's pulpier alter-ego. Thanks to bro I read Blaze last year, the reworking of an early King reject under the Bachman alias, and I was shocked by the page-turnyess of it. It's highly recommended if you haven't checked it out yet, especially for those who still pick out the Bachman Books from time to time to remember that scene when 38 gets his legs run over by the halftrack.

She's got balls, I'll give her that.

I mean, really.

--
The Alaska governor said in an interview with CNN's Wolf Blitzer that she would be willing to help if Obama asked her for assistance...
--

I wish I were a fly on the wall when Obama's team heard THAT. Her utter lack of self-awareness is positively Bushian. I get it, we're Americans, we're big fans of the 2nd chance and all that. But Palin could have been one not-exactly-spry heartbeat away from the presidency, and that didn't scare the shit out of just the liberals and moderates, mind you.

Maybe her time would be better spent, I don't know, reading a book or something. And I couldn't help but think of Harlan Ellison when she offered her opinions...

But he's REALLY popular with that dentist who doesn't recommend sugarless gum for their patients who chew gum...

And this is surprising to whom, really?

Can Barack start early?

A solid "B" from Barack...

I streamed the first press conference yesterday, and while it was a much more workman-like effort than his rhetorical efforts on the campaign trail, he's doing a great job of reassuring the American people (well, OK, reassuring me). I'm amused that the one word the idiot pundits kept using to describe his performance yesterday is "presidential". You'd think, well duh, he's president-elect, right? But perhaps we need to think less about the soft bigotry of low expectations and more about the harsh reality of the past eight years with NO expectations. And while I was going to insert a harsh joke here about Barbara Bush taking thalidomide or painting the baby's room with Lowe's Extra-Lead Sealant, in the interests of moving forward and getting away from the rhetoric that's divided our country, I'll just say that I think we can all agree that verbal communication isn't one of Dubya's strong suits.

But comparing Obama to Dubya is too easy; on his own terms, he could have been better. He seemed a little tired, and was understandably a bit more vague than I would have liked. I think the off the cuff jokes were unnecessary, and also perhaps belied that he was a bit tired.

But the overriding impression I got from his press-conference was the same one I grew to have as the campaign went on: "This cat's got his shit together." My favorite moment was when he stated that if a new stimulus package doesn't get put together during the lame duck session, he'll do it in January. Unlike Bush, whose plans always reminded me of my students who clearly put a paper together at 3 in the morning the night before the due date and then whined about how hard they worked, Obama is thinking things through. AND WHAT A FUCKING RELIEF WE'VE GOT SOMEONE DOING THAT!!

So good start, Barack, just make sure you get rest, too.

Oh, by the way, the reporters, who spent the entire Bush administration feeding him moronic softball questions and right-wing talking points, showed their maturity by feeding Obama moronic softball questions and right-wing talking points. So, some things still stay the same...

Congratulations...

...to Congressman-elect Tom Perriello.

So much stupid, so little time...

I'm linking to this idiocy via Balloon Juice lest I give the Journal an extra two clicks, but let me see if I got this straight:

The country united under Bush after 9/11, and he enjoyed a 90% approval rating (including me, btw). When we looked to him to show some leadership, he told us to go shopping and used the opportunity to ram through a radical domestic agenda for which he never received a popular mandate, attack his political enemies in 2002, and provoke a conflict with no strategic value that has our soldiers trapped in an internecine struggle in the Middle East with no exit strategy.

But the problem was WE weren't loyal enough to him.

Actually, why don't I just embed something more insightful than anything you can get from the WSJ editorial page:

Go, Tom, go!

He's up by over 600 votes now! Raising Kaine has the running totals...

Well, the grownups take charge in January...

And the Perriello/Goode recount's going to take a while...

I guess that means...autoerotic asphyxiation break!

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

Look at this.

I'll be happy to help you pack, Virgil, if you need it...

UPDATE: Waldo has the backstory...

Sooooooo want to believe it...

Tom Perriello is up 51-49 with 90% of the vote counted; I can't believe Goode won't hold on to his seat, but making him sweat it out was a helluva lot more than anyone had a right to expect...

UPDATE (9:57 PM): According to CNN.com, Tom is up by 800 votes with 94 percent of the vote counted. I believe Charlottesville's votes have already been counted, so I fear this is going to be close but no cigar...

10:15 PM: Up 1100 with 95 percent? Oh, please...

Oh, btw, Warner beats Gilmore 63-36. Don't let this horrific embarrassment discourage you, Jim! Run for governor next year!

10:30 PM: Tom's up by 700 with 96% counted. I agree with my bro's Braveheart reference, HOLD! HOLD!!

And I appreciate how CNN changed the district from red (they had called it for Goode) back to gray. This might not get decided tonight, and probably won't before I head off to bed...

Final update at 11:10 Kos says Tom's still up 500 with 98% of the vote; didn't see confirmation. And now I'm not going to see anything but the insides of my eyelids.

Stayed awake long enough to see history made, though. Congratulations, Barack.

A voting story...

My wife and I got to our polling place at 6:05am and were greeted by a line that already stretched out the door and around the building. As we settled down for what would eventually be a 1-hour wait, we congratulated ourselves for getting there but kicked ourselves for not bringing some coffee as some of our fellow patriots did.

A few minutes later, an Obama volunteer started walking down the line handing out granola bars and breakfast treats to people on line (with no loyalty test, I might add). My wife and I declined, but Mrs. remarked about how she wouldn't have minded a little water.

A couple of minutes later, another volunteer came down the line with bottled water. We shared one and smiled.

And then I swear on all that is holy, just as I was thinking to myself, "well, it was nice of them to offer the snacks and water, but all these bottles and wrappers might mess up the area," a third volunteer came down the line with a garbage bag offering to take empties.

If the Obama administration is run anything like the Obama campaign, we're going to be juuuuuust fine.

I voted.

And hopefully, so have you.

*snif*

Bye, Opus...

No, I didn't follow this one religiously (or Outland, for that matter), but it doesn't mean I'm not a little sad. Far Side and Calvin were (and still are) brilliant, and Bloom County hasn't aged as well (obviously), but I always found it to be the funniest...

My favorite strip? Tough call. Maybe I'll post a link later. But I doubt it.

Fine! Fine! Here's Nevsky's Top Ten...

10) Nada Surf, "Blankest Year"
9) The Connells, "Pawns"
8) Weezer, "Troublemaker"
7) De La Soul, "Come On Down"
6) AC/DC, "Thunderstruck"
5) Sara Bareilles, "Love Song"
4) The Fall, "Gross Chapel - British Grenadiers"
3) Joe Jackson, "Invisible Man"
2) Craig Mack, "Flava In Ya Ear"
1) Pavement, "Western Homes"

Maybe I'm old, but I still think this is a frickin' awesome video...

Context, people...

Before we get our panties in a twist over Bush being booed at Monticello, I'd like to point that he's had a standing invite to speak during the annual July 4th naturalization ceremony for the past seven years and never took it, and only did so at the last moment this year bumping Ken Burns, so let's not pretend that this wasn't a transparent attempt to get an easy venue and, once again, take something that's always been traditionally non-partisan and make it about George W. Bush.

Still, I'm not a big fan of what was said to him; "F*** you" and "War Criminal" are the easy dismissable things protestors always say. How about "you used the worst terrorist attack on American soil to ram through an agenda for which you never received a clear mandate, and thus I find your words about America on this day to be shallow and galling"?

Happy 4th of July!

And guess who's coming to our neck of the woods to welcome new citizens into our country? That's right, our fearless leader! Hope he's practicing his lines...

"I say to you, welcome, new citizens of Narnia! Dang! I'm sorry, but that movie's so cool, did you see it? Any of y'all got some cocaine, I do so loves to snort it..."

And so on, bla bla bla...

He's not a dickhead just because his bald head resembles the tip of a circumsized penis.

I mean, he was good in The Assassination of Jesse James, honestly, he was. But all the same, fuck James Carville.

It must be mavericky straight-shooting to make the same mistake over and over again.

McCain still seems to be confused about who we're supposed to be fighting, and I guess Lieberman wasn't standing by to whisper sweet corrections in his ear.

I wondered why the media seems to be giving McCain a pass on this when Obama would have been raked over the coals, so I asked my buddy covering the McCain campaign. Here's his response:

--
"Hey Nev! Good to hear from you! You know, he has a soft ice cream maker in the break room! We like to put in Edy's Cookie Dough ice cream, and then mix in ANOTHER tube of cookie dough so it's all ooey-gooey good! We call it the Super-Duper Cookie Dough Bomb Blitz Blizzard! It's so much fun covering John McCain! Yippee!
--

Ah.

I'm sure the media can help me out with this...

Not understanding what's going on in Iraq, is that an example of his mavericky straight talk, or his straight-shootin' maverickness?

Update: I just received an answer from a media rep, and I quote:

"He's serving the Carolina BBQ in the press tent tonight! Hot diggity!"

Thoughts on Obama's speech in one sentence...

Agree with him or not, it's refreshing to have someone actually talk to the American people as if they're collectively older than six.

Because snooty lords need mavericky straight talk too!

But only American donations please, you see, even straight-talking mavericks need to follow the fundraising rules as they try to weasel out of their matching fund commitments.

But...but, he's such a MAVERICKY scaremonger!

I think it's a little early for McCain to start playing the "Vote for me or your kids will die" card, but that's why I'm not in politics...

And isn't it generally accepted wisdom that the bin Laden tape four years ago helped Bush? Is it too cynical of me to think that McCain is covering his tushie in case there IS an attack?

Probably, though the way McCain's been running his campaign hasn't mollified my cynicism...

Oh, for heaven's sake...

Geraldine, just go away...

You're not being attacked because you are white, you are getting called out for being an asshole. There is a difference, you know...

Hmmm, must be a Democratic sex scandal...

...everyone involved is over the age of consent.

An upset in the making?

GO HUCK GO!

UPDATE (8:13 PM):

Fuck.

BTW, does anyone else think it's funny that even with Hillary getting pwned, she still whomps the shit out of McCain and El Huckarino by 30K each?

Anyone? Anyone? I think it's pretty funny meself...

Hey, lay off Mike, Mr. Grouchypuss!

If you're going after Mike Huckabee, who got the coveted Nevsky Republican primary endorsement, you're going to have to go through me too.

And by the way, you sucked on Law & Order...

Happy New Year cool cats and crazy kids!

And although the new year as always brings new hopes, dreams, and ambitions, some things remain comfortably the same. The media still sucks and makes me want to poke my eardrums out with a Cuisinart hand blender, and the upcoming election year is going to make things a whole lot worse.

But hey, my brother's blogging again!