Let the piling on begin...

..and it couldn't happen to a more deserving asshole...

And the coveted Republican presidential candidate endorsement goes to...

...I don't give a fuckabee, I endorse Mike Huckabee! (And Mike, you can have that slogan for huckafree. Hee.)

Now, I haven't liked Mr. B in the past, for his coarse political discourse (He called Michael Moore fat! The man has feelings you know!). But anyone who has Chuck Norris in his political ads and scores a good zinger on BullMitt Romney can't be all bad.

So congrats Mike, you get Nevsky's coveted endorsement for the Republican candidacy!

Which places you ninth on my list for president, behind seven Democratic candidates.

And "none of the above".

I'm coming out of hibernation to call bullshit...

As we all know, the holiday season is upon us, where people of all nations, creeds, and races come together in the spirit of peace and understanding...wait a minute, that was that Coca-Cola commercial they used to play when I was a kid, I meant the season where douchebags like John Gibson and Bill O'Reilly strain like an 80-year-old with an impacted bowel to build up fake outrage and act Hurt and Wounded (TM) that the traditions as they know them no longer exist.

Witness the latest attempt, it didn't surprise me that the whole banning of "ho,ho,ho" in Austrailia story was a wash, because it sounded ridiculous in the first place. When I first heard the story, I was like Whitney with her cocaine receipts; show me the complaint, show me the person who was actually arguing that "ho,ho,ho" was offensive.

Still waiting...

Because anyone who would actually complain about this would be either 1) batshit insane, and therefore easy to ignore, or 2) a plant doing an impression of a mid-90s PC zealot, which are as rare these days as a Democratic senator with a spine.

Here's Nevsky's Rule of Political Correctness: since 1995, people who complain about political correctness have been more annoying than political correctness itself. What these people usually want is what they inaccurately perceive as their (insert deity here)-given right to be assholes, which is why Gibson and O'Reilly are their patron saints.

My advice, free of charge: Chill the fuck out, and go pop in the Grinch DVD...

Don't taze me, bro! I just want to tell the Senator about Nevsky's Top Ten!

10) The Fall, "Youwanner"
9) The Pretenders, "Mystery Achievement"
8) The Cars, "Bye Bye Love"
7) Busta Rhymes, "Get Out!!"
6) Bob Mould, "Reflecting Pool"
5) Paul Kelly, "Dumb Things"
4) Bright Eyes, "If The Brakeman Turns My Way"
3) Seal, "Prayer For The Dying"
2) Aimee Mann, "Ghost World"
1) Bob Dylan, "Days of 49"

2 + 2 = 500!

I just noticed that my last post was No. 500 for this ol' blog.

I should say that had I known I was reaching such a significant milestone, I would have done something a bit more substantial than make cheap Larry Craig jokes.

But I know myself too well...

I don't give a shit about Senator Craig's sex life. And neither should you.

Or the Republicans who are insisting he retire. But if that's what can force you out, they should at least be consistent and get David Vitter to go too.

And it seems to me that if Craig WERE gay, and admitted as much, he could go have as much homosexual sex with gay men of the same gender as he wanted without tapping out Morse Code in airport bathrooms...

Who says we're a divided country?

Red and blue states agree that Giuliani is a big douchebag!

Having been served bowl after bowl of "Everyone Hates Hilary" goulash (and no Hilary fan I), I'm surprised my home state, Virginia, has her up, since they've had no problem electing the ilk of Jim Gilmore and Virgil Goode. Well, if you're hated by half the country, I guess your hope is that your opponent is hated by 55%...

Ok, let's settle this right now...

I think this is hilarious, my brother doesn't. And I had no idea this was a parody of a real game show, so that's no factor. Who's right?

Hey kids, more fun than a punch in the junk, it's time again for "What's Ickier?"

And this is a special "I wish to God I was kidding" edition!

*First, we have an upcoming movie featuring Mary-Kate Olson and Ben Kingsley kissing.

*Or, we have an Uwe Boll movie (bad enough, you'd think) featuring "Kids In The Hall" and "Newsradio" star Dave Foley in a full frontal nude scene. Scratching himself.

You guys start the clock, I'm busy trying to remember how to tie a slipknot...

Hear that, soldiers? You can come home!

Because helping Mitt Romney get elected president is just like fighting in Iraq. Or something, I'm not sure. His answer didn't make much sense...

Seriously, how is this Twinkie a front-runner? McCain should be ashamed of himself...

Dammit, I keep fucking up my Google Ads with these Romney references. What do the kids like these days? Nintendo! iPhone! Pornography! Pornography for males with heterosexual preferences! Or males who claim them!

He's glib, he's tan, maybe it will be Mitt...

In this less-than-impressive Republican field, he seems to know that the best way to score points in the media is to hit Ron Paul with a cheap soundbite.

But by referencing 9/11, is Mitt then implicitly acknowledging the failures of this administration over the past eight years with regards to national security?

I'm not sure. But that is a really nice tan he has...

More popular than ObamaGirl, HillaryGuy, BrownbackGoat, and GiulianiShemale put together, it's Nevsky's Top Ten!

10) The Fall, "Youwanner"
9) Sting, "I Hung My Head"
8) The Cars, "Bye Bye Love"
7) Graham Coxon, "Freakin' Out"
6) Busta Rhymes, "Get Out!!"
5) Public Enemy, "Give It Up"
4) Seal, "Prayer For The Dying"
3) Bob Mould, "Reflecting Pool"
2) The Fixx, "Are We Ourselves?"
1) Bob Dylan, "Days of 49"

Wow. What balls.

After eight years of Republican incompetence, it galls me when any candidate will try to push the argument that the Dems will be even worse.

If you're going to do that, at least explain by what criteria you think Bush is doing a good job. Just give me time to get a bowl of popcorn...

And "Mitt" rhymes with "bullshit"...

You don't have to take my advice, Mr. Romney (although Jim Gilmore didn't take my advice, and look what happened), but if you ask me, you played this one totally wrong.

For those who didn't click on the link, Romney has an arm around a fan holding a sign that says "No to Obama, Osama, and Chelsea' Moma (sic)". (He's also holding the sign up in another picture). His response to complaints was basically "I didn't see the sign, I don't remember what it said, and you need to lighten up." OK, if you didn't see the sign, why are you so defensive? Just say "I don't remember the sign, obviously I don't agree with it." You're done. Or, if you want to use the "best defense is a strong offense" line, you say "I thought it was a funny little joke, and nothing more, get a life." But this is the worst of both worlds; you want to play the persecution card a la Imus but you also foist the responsibility for the words on someone else.

Also, it makes you look like a liar. My guess is (and this is only because the following scenario is a million times more plausible than your excuse) you saw the sign, thought it was funny, didn't want to upset one of your radical supporters, and snapped a picture thoughtlessly, not thinking that in the age of interwebs and e-tubes it would show up on the news.

So, in a situation that could have been handled either with a sincere apology or righteous anger, you end up looking like a liar, a weasel, and a fool.

On the plus side, nice tan.

If we can't believe in astronaut diapers, what CAN we believe in??

It's been almost a decade and people still believe that Bill Clinton stopped traffic in LAX to get his hair cut, or that Al Gore actually said he invented the Internet.

But, by golly, our crackerjack media is all up on top of the astronaut diaper myth.

I think I'll go soak in a hot tub...

I'd buy an iPhone, but...

...I don't have a cell phone, and don't want one.

I don't have an iPod, and don't want one.

So for six hundred, maybe I can just feed the poor, or get two more Wiis...

I may get my nerd pass revoked for this, but...

The Transformers movie? I just don't get the whole thing...

I mean, they're robots, right? Fighting other robots. Why should we give a shit? And the whole transforming thing, it's cool, but, what's the purpose? Does that disguise fool anyone? You walk through twenty or so miles of robot-related carnage and the end of it is this huge truck snickering to itself in a robot-like monotone "no one will see through my clever disguise". I'm sure CmdrSue or sixthdoctor will be happy to explain why I'm wrong...

At least everyone agrees that Michael Bay sucks...

Hey, everybody, Mitt Romney's an UNBELIEVABLE asshole!

I understand that National Lampoon's Vacation is a popular film, but emulating it might not be the best way to pick up votes.

To me, the scariest part is he THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA.

This blog is now all sophistimicated and shit...

After the Trojan post, now GoogleAds promoting Trojan-brand condoms are popping up. And the firm promises "fast, descreet shipping" so you KNOW that's a firm in whose hands you can place your jimmy!

Well, not literally, but...

How sad...

I'll be the first to admit that I have no overbearing concern about the safety of amusement park rides, and I only tend to avoid them because I'm a coward. Still, this incident seems beyond the pale. That poor girl.

I think we can all agree that amusement park malfunctions aren't funny unless Fabio gets smashed in the face.

UPDATE: CNN.com just put up a poll question, "Are you concerned about the safety of amusement park rides?" Well, I fucking am now! Nice scientific poll you got there...

It's Marketing 101, people...

The libs are all up in arms about this condom ad being rejected by Fox and CBS because it seems to promote the idea of condoms for pregnancy prevention rather than disease prevention.

The real problem for the fine people at Trojan, however, is that the commercial doesn't work. Yes, it's clever, but it doesn't speak to the kids. Fortunately, jimmy hat executives, Nevsky's got yer back! Because everyone knows that there's nothing more popular with the kids than legendary pop-jazz vocal combo Manhattan Transfer, whom I've once again flew in at tremendous personal expense to record a catchy new jingle:

"Saturated with loathing? Full of self-hate?
Wish to joylessly masturbate?
Don't stain the sheets in your parents' basement with your milky jizz;
Just cover your undersized pecker with a Trojan-brand condom so you can go back to playing WoW addled with guilt, you loser!"

I expect to be compensated according to standard Writers' Guild guidelines...

I didn't like The Sopranos finale...

...I mean, really, the whole series was just some autistic kid's dream? Kind of a copout if you ask me...

Even more fun than Scrabble today...

...has been reading the comments on Time's blog post concerning Joe Klein's ridiculous conflation of Paris Hilton and Scooter Libby. Trust me, it makes even less sense if you actually read it, just go to the comments for a larf (the first one was the best, btw).

It's pop music...from THE FUTURE!

Dammit.

Count me among the many who are saddened to hear about Steve Gilliard's passing...

This is why, this is why, this is why I'm Nevsky's Top Ten...

10) Rogue Wave, "Publish My Love"
9) Mai Yamane, "Blue"
8) Mims, "This Is Why I'm Hot"
7) Sprites, "I Love You, You Retard"
6) Sting, "I Hung My Head"
5) The Fall, "Ten Houses Of Eve"
4) Bob Dylan, "Mississippi"
3) Bob Mould, "Reflecting Pool"
2) Graham Coxon, "Freakin' Out"
1) Elvis Costello, "Man Out Of Time"

Good to see Mark E. Smith looking so spry...

Attention all nerds! Set your nerd alerts to NERD!!

Starcraft 2 is on its way. That sounds a lot more fun than non-masturbatory ejaculating...

Well, the votes are in, Jimborino!

And according to the latest polling (as of the time of this post), Gov. Gilmore, your positive rating is...four percent.

Um, yeesh, well, if that douchebag Brit Hume didn't keep you all from praising Falwell before the debate, you would've hit six! Easily!! Keep your head up, Jimmy! Jimbo! Jimmyjim...jim...jo-jo...junior...shabadoo...

OK Jimmy, it's game time!

As even your website accurately points out, Jimmy boy, you've got another debate tonight in South Carolina. I guess your web administrator should have typed in something instead of "More details to follow", but what's details, anyway, in a presidential campaign? Sure, the last debate clearly put you in the top ten, but you've got to do something to break clear of the pack tonight.

And I've got a little advice; Jerry Falwell died this afternoon, maybe you should mention something about that...yeah, like your press release, that's good, "valued supporter of mine", I mean, it's not like he can correct you or anything...

Wait a minute, FIVE BUCKS? I've been undercharging...

In an example of investigative journalism at its finest, our local weekly delved into the underground market to find out what...um, entertainment goes for in our fair city...

Hey, fake diplomas for $200? Sounds like a deal to me...

Invisible airwaves crackle with Nevsky's Top Ten...

10) Billy Bragg, "Sexuality"
9) The Sprites, "I Love You, You Retard"
8) Blink 182, "Adam's Song"
7) Canibus, "Poet Laureate II"
6) Fleetwood Mac, "Seven Wonders"
5) John Rzeznik, "I'm Still Here (Jim's Theme)"
4) The Fall, "Ten Houses of Eve"
3) Graham Coxon, "Freakin' Out"
2) Rush, "Far Cry"
1) Elvis Costello, "Man Out of Time"

The critics all agree, Jimmy!

From Time.com to John Podhertz, it was your best performance, ever! In anything!

The above line is not sarcasm, btw...

Gilmoremania's running wild!!

Our former governor entered the race last week, no doubt planning to do for America what he did for the state of Virginia, that is, run it into the ground. This blog post notes that Gilmore will participate in Thursday's first GOP candidate debate, at least if he doesn't read his own website:
--
Gilmore’s Web site current (sic)has the debate as happening on Saturday, so let’s hope he shows up on time.
--
THAT's the Jimmy I remember! Good to have you back, gov!

Watch out, Repubs!! Here comes Jimmy!

That's right! Jim Gilmore, my former governor, with his unique blend of blandness and incompetence, has entered the race for the Republican presidential nomination, immediately vaulting into nth place (n = # of current Republican candidates)...

Who needs another post on this?

Since a bulk of the posts on the tragedy at Virginia Tech have been of the "This is precisely the reason why we must (insert pet agenda here)" stripe, I really don't feel the need to contribute to the noise, but having subjected myself to this noise over the week, as distasteful as I've found many posts on both sides of the issue, one thing sticks in my craw.

As a former university instructor and a person who remains in a university town, the idea that the solution to events like these is to let students have concealed weapons is simply breathtaking in its idiocy. In my undistinguished, short, and pedestrian career, without thinking too hard I recall three occasions when a student made me uncomfortable over a situation that I wouldn't have considered important enough to become emotional about. I find it hard to believe that advocates of this plan would really want to put their security in the hands of young adults who are, for the most part, learning to become responsible, but based on my observations, aren't there yet. Don't even get me started about the presence of alcohol.

But we can agree to disagree. Ted Nugent wrote an article on this for CNN.com, and although I couldn't disagree more, Ted Nugent is hardly a hypocrite on the issue. After all, his concerts are famous for being "gun-free-free" zones, where concertgoers are welcome to bring in as many guns as they want to protect the Nuge from anybody who might decide to cause trouble by bringing a gun to a Ted Nugent concert.

Shed no tears for Imus...

...for five gets you ten he gets a new job with Sirius within three months.

And I was just thinking, how many of us have a job where we could say "nappy-headed ho" to somebody and NOT be fired?

And the most obnoxious argument from these obnoxious apologists is "Well, they say that in rap music!" So fucking what? If I call someone a fucking asshole at work, and my excuse is "Well, they say that on The Sopranos!", does that make it OK?

I've got a fever, and the only cure is more Nevsky's Top Ten...

10) Michael Penn, "Seen The Doctor"
9) Blue Oyster Cult, "(Don't Fear) The Reaper"
8) Mai Yamane, "Blue"
7) Sprites, "I Love You, You Retard"
6) De La Soul, "In The Woods"
5) Billy Bragg, "Sexuality"
4) Steve Conte, "Call Me Call Me"
3) Ryan Adams, "Burning Photographs"
2) Echo and The Bunnymen, "I Want To Be There (When You Come)"
1) John Rzeznik, "I'm Still Here (Jim's Theme)"

Taking a bold stand, I am...

To the CNN.com question, "Should Imus be fired for his racist remarks?", I answered no.

He should be fired because he hasn't been funny since that week he imitated Howard Stern word for word in 1986...

File this under "dammit"...

Bob Clark, director of A Christmas Story, was killed by a drunk driver this morning. His son died in the accident as well.

I don't have the heart to go find that old Darren McGavin clip again...

Just a couple of thoughts...

If Junior were actually concerned about the troops not receiving funding, couldn't he just, you know, SIGN THE FUNDING BILL?

Since the provision he doesn't like is non-binding, he can just ignore it. Of course, he's had no problem ignoring the parts of bills he didn't like in the past through signing statements, so why not do that again?

Or maybe, just maybe, this has nothing to do with the troops and everything to do with his ego. To which I hope Harry Reid says, just fucking man up.

Oh, sorry, he already did.

Reason #8948569 why the media sucks...

I saw the headline for this article on the front page of CNN.com and, like an idiot, I wondered what illness had befallen the Donald.

There is an article about a stipulation in a pro wrestling match on the front page of CNN.com. And they're reporting it as if it's news. AND I'M READING IT!! AUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!

Put it back in your pants, slappy! Another round of everyone's favorite game!

That's right, it's time once again for What's Ickier? You know the rules, so let's play!

And it's Crazy Old Man Hollywood Edition! So which of these two stars are ickier? Is it Eddie "In The Name Of All Things Holy What Happened?" Van Halen?



Or is it Michael "The Plastic Surgery's Almost Working, But Can They Do Something About That Death Smell?" Douglas?



Let's start the clock! Whaaaaaaat's ickier?

Note to self: If I ever meet Lily Tomlin...

...do NOT mention The Incredible Shrinking Woman.

It's time to play everyone's favorite game!

That's right, it's time for...

What's Ickier?

The game where you, the blogreaders, get to view two really, really icky things, and must decide, what's ickier?

First, we have an album cover that has unofficially been responsible for three deaths in North America due to exploding eyeballs:



Icky to be sure. But what about the single most airbrushed image ever in the history of the universe?



Alright, hands on buzzers. I said BUZZERS!! You guys are sick. Anyway, whaaaaaaaaat's ickier?

Showing the same sort of judgment that made his 2006 re-election such a cakewalk...

George Allen is thinking about running for John Warner's seat should he retire.

I say, welcome back, George! But maybe someone should remind him what happened to Gary Hart when he said "let the people decide"...

Nevsky's Top Ten! (Special Cowboy Bebop edition)

Now that the songs on my station have changed enough to make this "interesting":

10) "Loving The Alien", David Bowie
9) "Gold", Spandau Ballet
8) "Super Electric", Stereolab
7) "One More Time", Daft Punk
6) "Time 4 Sum Aksion", Redman
5) "Stakes Is High", De La Soul
4) "Blue", The Jayhawks
3) "You're Not Up To Much", The Fall
2) "Top of the Hill", Tom Waits
1) (tie) "Call Me Call Me", Steve Conte / "Blue", Mai Yamane

Isn't it cute when a kitten learns to use his claws?

Since Mitt Romney took such pleasure from the Obama/Clinton scrap a couple of weeks ago, I would have assumed that he would take the high road while going through the Repub primary. But it seems that instead of foregoing attack politics, it's the direct, forceful, honest nature of the attacks that he finds so disconcerting.

Which is probably why, as before, he's having his wife doing it for him:

--
He called his wife Ann on stage at the start of his speech. "Mitt and I will be celebrating our 38th wedding anniversary this month," she said — a reminder that McCain and Giuliani have been divorced.
--

I wonder how long Romney will get away with his passhole-aggresshole digs not being challenged, but I must say, I get a little chuckle out of him.

But if Romney wants to learn how to man up, I'm sure Ann Coulter will be happy to teach him...

Adhering to today's standards of crappy journalism...

As of noon today, I shit you not, this was a headline on cnn.com:

--
Crappy grades get minority kids acceptance
--

They've already changed it to "lousy", but is there something wrong with "poor"?

My friend showed me clips from the film Idiocracy last night, I'm starting to think Mike Judge was optimistic...

Way to go, Marty!

I'm certainly applauding the fact Scorsese won his first Oscar. So what if it's for his lifetime achievements? It's not as egregious as Paul Newman's award for The Color of Money. And The Departed was the best of the nominated films that I saw...

Granted, the only other one I had seen was Little Miss Sunshine.

And when I heard that film got nominated, all I could think was "Really? That was one of the best five films of the year? In the world?" And I liked it. It was a good film was some nice performances. And it also had the advantage of being sweet while touching on some difficult issues. But...Oscar? Well, maybe for the kid and Steve Carell (and OK, Arkin), but if that was the best of the year I may as well stop going to film festivals.

As for The Departed, well, from the technical standpoint The Aviator and Gangs were better DIRECTED films, but when you see that first tracking shot into the Boston diner you know you're watching a fucking Scorsese film, and it's AWESOME. And with too many great performances to count, well, it's been in our DVD player for the last two weeks, and will probably get more plays than Casino, despite the fact that the film doesn't take place in a casino...

How nice of your wife to fight for you, Mitt...

In this article about Romney's position concerning multiple wives (he's against them! How progressive!) I enjoyed this li'l zinger...

--
This month, Ann Romney tried a different tack, taking a lighthearted jab at her husband's main Republican competitors, Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., and former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani, as she introduced Romney at a Missouri GOP dinner.

The biggest difference between her husband and the other candidates, Ann Romney said, is that "he's had only one wife."

McCain has been married twice; Giuliani three times.
--

Ha ha, how lighthearted! That wacky Mitt, tweaking his competitors' painful divorces! Oh, I'm sorry, I meant, getting his wife to do it for him! That lovable scamp! I'm sure Johnny Mac and Rudy G. had a good chuckle. Hope Ann's there to protect Mitt when they meet at their first debate...

You said it, bro...

As a resident of VA-5, I don't honestly expect much from Virgil Goode, but I would appreciate a good faith effort on his part to stop saying incredibly stupid shit. At least Tancredo's hysterical xenophobia doesn't include Archie-Bunker-style malaprops...

Retail and restaurant workers everywhere, here comes Nevsky with his new arsenal!

One of my many oh-so-annoying affectations was the insistence on using Sacagawea dollars far past their prime. I loved the idea of a dollar coin and thought the Sac-dolls were awesome, but always wondered to myself if the government were truly interested in having them become mainstream, why they didn't simply put George Washington on them.

Well, here they are! I can't wait to stock up for use in tips and home poker game payouts! Everyone who has an occasion to exchange legal tender w/me better get used to them as well, and my crystal meth dealer will probably need to use his fifth jeans pocket...

Just kidding, he doesn't wear pants...

I had no idea Ben Affleck was in the Cure...

Our president is a six-year-old.

Apparently he actually said this:

Yesterday, I went to the Caterpillar plant in Peoria, Illinois -- that's where they make big bulldozers.

I can only assume they edited out "...and they go VROOOOOOOM!!!!"

Why just yesterday I blogged about how I hoped Mark Warner would reconsider running for president in 2008, and just look at the news today!

Oh, wait.

Shit.

Nothing better to do on a lazy Sunday afternoon...

...may as well form Voltron. You guys ready?

Well, she's in...

And my first thought on the matter was "well, she'd be a vast improvement over what we have in the White House now".

The thing is you can pretty much say that about every candidate from both major parties...

Except for Kucinich, Hunter, and Brownback, who would only be minor improvements...

And Gilmore and Tancredo, who could actually be worse...

I'm still hoping Mark Warner will reconsider meself.

First Allen, then Goode...

..and now Hargrove completes the embarrassment to Virginia trifecta.

Well, a month has gone by...

And the blogger world seems to have progressed just fine without me. And can't say I've missed it sooooooooo much meself. Still, no reason why I can't take advantage of the family's morning shut-eye just to comment on a couple of things...

* There must be some ulterior motive for Jim Gilmore's crack at the presidency. But assuming it's not, all I'll say is I hope Jimmy's strategy does not involve winning the state of Virginia.

* It surprises me that even libs were skeptical of Jim Webb and what sort of senator he would be, but then they probably weren't thinking in terms of comparison to George Allen, where luncheon meats left in refrigerators for extended periods of time would compare favorably. But just this past week Webb's performance has exceeded Allen's six years.

* Ol' 6-doc has written three awesome posts in a row about the unprecedented balls of Li'l Emperor George trying to double down and pass the buck simultaneously, so I'll just say it amazes me how The Twenty-Percent Gang (his supporters) can still conveniently ignore a) how wrong he was in the first place b) his lack of a plan before the invasion and his inability to come up with one now and c) the number of plans that have been created by Dems and undeserved friends to somehow create the least bad option that can now arise from his FUBARring of the region.