It's Marketing 101, people...

The libs are all up in arms about this condom ad being rejected by Fox and CBS because it seems to promote the idea of condoms for pregnancy prevention rather than disease prevention.

The real problem for the fine people at Trojan, however, is that the commercial doesn't work. Yes, it's clever, but it doesn't speak to the kids. Fortunately, jimmy hat executives, Nevsky's got yer back! Because everyone knows that there's nothing more popular with the kids than legendary pop-jazz vocal combo Manhattan Transfer, whom I've once again flew in at tremendous personal expense to record a catchy new jingle:

"Saturated with loathing? Full of self-hate?
Wish to joylessly masturbate?
Don't stain the sheets in your parents' basement with your milky jizz;
Just cover your undersized pecker with a Trojan-brand condom so you can go back to playing WoW addled with guilt, you loser!"

I expect to be compensated according to standard Writers' Guild guidelines...