"Now kids, this is a loofah..." OH MY GOD GET HIM OUT OF HERE!!!

Let's all shed a tear for puffy, splotchy bully Bill O'Reilly. He's cancelling his tour to plug his kids' book because of those sexual harrassment charges.

I read the deposition on Smoking Gun, but you don't want to see it. Believe me, you don't. Frankly, it's only seriously depraved as opposed to full-blown wacko, but it's made all the worse with the mental pictures. So trust me.

Instead, say "puffy splotchy bully Bill O'Reilly" fast ten times. Lots more fun and wholesome...