*snif* Here's hoping you've received your major award...
Sadly, Darren McGavin, the definite Kolchak and the father from A Christmas Story, passed away yesterday. I salute you with your battle cry...
24 February 2006
21 February 2006
Say hi to Queen Starsha for me...
I'm glad someone's thinking about important shit, like which stars are the best possible candidates to sustain life. The top star is only 26 light-years away. 26. That's babyshit. If the Argo can travel 148,000 light-years and back in just one earth year, we should be able to get shuttle voyages going around, oh, 2066.
The article does state, however, that a scheduled launch of a scanning satellite has been delayed due to funding cuts. Must we start a letter-writing campaign to President Bush about the importance of locating a Cosmo-DNA machine in case we're attacked by the Gamilons? You'd think this is exactly the sort of thing he'd worry about, frickin' GAMILON PLANET BOMBS! THESE ARE WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION, YA NIMROD!!
I'm glad someone's thinking about important shit, like which stars are the best possible candidates to sustain life. The top star is only 26 light-years away. 26. That's babyshit. If the Argo can travel 148,000 light-years and back in just one earth year, we should be able to get shuttle voyages going around, oh, 2066.
The article does state, however, that a scheduled launch of a scanning satellite has been delayed due to funding cuts. Must we start a letter-writing campaign to President Bush about the importance of locating a Cosmo-DNA machine in case we're attacked by the Gamilons? You'd think this is exactly the sort of thing he'd worry about, frickin' GAMILON PLANET BOMBS! THESE ARE WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION, YA NIMROD!!
12 February 2006
Hey, Virginia Republicans! It's yer old buddy Nev!
And I thought I'd drop you a line. You might like to read it when you come back from wherever you pretend to go when you say you're going to church...
Aw, you're right, I'm being mean. Maybe I've still yet to reconcile that my center-left views here in VA may just as well mean I'm carrying a copy of Mao's Red Book and dressing up in Village People outfits. (Well, I do have a biker outfit at home, but...HEY WHAT'S WITH THE THIRD DEGREE?)
But I digress. I want to reach out to the Repubs because they've shown the ability to reject the nutballs and lightweights that unfortunately make up the bulk of the party today. Ever since Hurricane Gilmore hit the state, you guys seem to have a more open mind. Everyone in VA appreciates you decided to give Jerry Kilgore a pass, because, come on, the man had no ideas for running the state.
So in the spirit of open-mindedness, let's talk about George Allen.
First of all, is it in the best interests of the state to reelect a Senator who clearly has presidential aspirations? Secondly, again, come on. We can argue whether his reputation for idiocy is well-deserved or not, but would you want a President whose Social Security plan seems to be that the elderly can sell their homes? You're going to entrust our national security to a man who doesn't even know what's going on with the president's nominees? Hey, I understand, he's incredibly popular, a former governor who enjoyed economic success during the Clinton years (although to be fair, who didn't?), local football hero, but this is a guy who should be running a chain of used car dealerships, not a sitting US Senator. And aren't you tired of political monarchies, as shadow children of great(er) men get positions of power for which they're honestly not qualified?
Fortunately, you now have an alternative. His name is James Webb. If it's any consolation, it'll make me cringe a little to vote for a Reaganite, because, hey, I'm a partisan guy. I don't expect you guys to be any happier voting for him because he's Democratic now. But looking at his credentials and his military experience, I think we can all agree that he's more qualified to hold office in a post 9-11 world.
And let's not overlook the coolness factor. What does Allen have to offer besides that spindly Ashley-Wilkes-esque Southern (in)breeding that still passes for charm down here? Webb worked on a Samuel L. Jackson movie. No, really. Only about 10-20,000 thousand people in America can say that. And hopefully, given recent history, my treatment for "BADGERS ON A BOAT, MOTHERFUCKER!" will be given consideration, but I digress again.
So take a look at the website. A good chunk of you have been known to stray from party lines when faced with a superior choice. Hope you decide to do so again for the sake of our country.
And I thought I'd drop you a line. You might like to read it when you come back from wherever you pretend to go when you say you're going to church...
Aw, you're right, I'm being mean. Maybe I've still yet to reconcile that my center-left views here in VA may just as well mean I'm carrying a copy of Mao's Red Book and dressing up in Village People outfits. (Well, I do have a biker outfit at home, but...HEY WHAT'S WITH THE THIRD DEGREE?)
But I digress. I want to reach out to the Repubs because they've shown the ability to reject the nutballs and lightweights that unfortunately make up the bulk of the party today. Ever since Hurricane Gilmore hit the state, you guys seem to have a more open mind. Everyone in VA appreciates you decided to give Jerry Kilgore a pass, because, come on, the man had no ideas for running the state.
So in the spirit of open-mindedness, let's talk about George Allen.
First of all, is it in the best interests of the state to reelect a Senator who clearly has presidential aspirations? Secondly, again, come on. We can argue whether his reputation for idiocy is well-deserved or not, but would you want a President whose Social Security plan seems to be that the elderly can sell their homes? You're going to entrust our national security to a man who doesn't even know what's going on with the president's nominees? Hey, I understand, he's incredibly popular, a former governor who enjoyed economic success during the Clinton years (although to be fair, who didn't?), local football hero, but this is a guy who should be running a chain of used car dealerships, not a sitting US Senator. And aren't you tired of political monarchies, as shadow children of great(er) men get positions of power for which they're honestly not qualified?
Fortunately, you now have an alternative. His name is James Webb. If it's any consolation, it'll make me cringe a little to vote for a Reaganite, because, hey, I'm a partisan guy. I don't expect you guys to be any happier voting for him because he's Democratic now. But looking at his credentials and his military experience, I think we can all agree that he's more qualified to hold office in a post 9-11 world.
And let's not overlook the coolness factor. What does Allen have to offer besides that spindly Ashley-Wilkes-esque Southern (in)breeding that still passes for charm down here? Webb worked on a Samuel L. Jackson movie. No, really. Only about 10-20,000 thousand people in America can say that. And hopefully, given recent history, my treatment for "BADGERS ON A BOAT, MOTHERFUCKER!" will be given consideration, but I digress again.
So take a look at the website. A good chunk of you have been known to stray from party lines when faced with a superior choice. Hope you decide to do so again for the sake of our country.
11 February 2006
07 February 2006
If the last post didn't prove I need help...
This commercial made me tear up the likes of which haven't been seen since that IAMS commercial (and I know you know what I'm talking about).
It also gave me an unnatural urge to drink pisswater beer...
This commercial made me tear up the likes of which haven't been seen since that IAMS commercial (and I know you know what I'm talking about).
It also gave me an unnatural urge to drink pisswater beer...
04 February 2006
Why I'm not a good guest on political chat shows...
People, both real and imagined, having found me to be a rather passionate character, have wondered why I don't strive to become a more public figure. Well, as much as a part of me would like to be out on the public airwaves, the fact of the matter is that I do not possess that Howard-Dean-like Zen that would allow me to refute utter bullshit calmly and effectively. Furthermore, I get really angry when I attempt to engage in a debate, only to be met with stone-faced resistance and the ceaseless parroting of right-wing propaganda, without any admission of even listening to what I had just said. This invariably leads to my losing control, allowing them to use me to promote the inaccurate stereotype of the quote-unquote "angry liberal".
For example, here's an excerpt from the 37th most popular chat show in our state, "Someone's In The Kitchen With Virginia," where we're discussing the effort to place anti-gay marriage language in the state constitution:
_____
ME
I would like to point out to my colleague that gay marriage is already illegal in this state, and while this poorly-worded statute wouldn't further so-called protection against gay marriage, it could, in fact, lead to courts swamped with lawsuits challenging any partnership considered to be non-traditional.
RIGHT-WING BLOGGER
We need this legislation in order to protect the sanctity of marriage against homosexuals.
ME
Even though I disagree, that's not the issue. It. Is. Already. Illegal. As a so-called fiscal conservative, you should be upset the state house is wasting taxpayers' time and money with this referendum. As a so-called limited-government conservative, you should be upset that they want to so brazenly rewrite the state constitution. Or are you just cynically hoping this will be yet another successful distraction from the corruption and incompetence of the state GOP?
RIGHT-WING BLOGGER
We need this legislation in order to protect the sanctity of marriage against homosexuals.
ME
I see. Allow me to rebut by smacking my colleague upside the head with this oar.
*SMASH**SMASH*
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! CUCKOO! CUCKOO! BIBBLE-BIBBLE-OATBRAN! I WANTS ME SOME MASHED POTATOES! AND GRAVY AIN'T WAVY!
A-BOINGA-BOINGA-BOINGA-BOINGA-BOINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!
_____
Not my finest hour, I admit. And it didn't get any better when I was asked to appear on the nationally televised "Shoot the Shit"...
_____
ME
The fact of the matter is that the president and his administration can conduct spying operations on anyone he chooses, as long as he gets a retroactive warrant. The fact that he doesn't do so should concern all Americans.
REPULSIVE WINGNUT THAT VAGUELY RESEMBLES, BUT ISN'T, ANN COULTER
Well, I can see it concerning liberals like you who want the terrorists to win, but we should give the President all the tools he needs to combat terrorism.
ME
He has all the tools he needs, and might I add, had he utilized those tools a bit more effectively, like perhaps, paying attention to a memo entitled "Bin Laden Determined to Strike Inside U.S.", America would be a safer place. Isn't it obvious that the reason they don't want warrants is that they're using their spying powers against political enemies?
REPULSIVE WINGNUT THAT VAGUELY RESEMBLES, BUT ISN'T, ANN COULTER
But why do you want the terrorists to win?
BEEFY, HALF-WIT MODERATOR THAT VAGUELY RESEMBLES, BUT ISN'T, TIM RUSSERT
That's a good point. Why DO you want the terrorists to win?
ME
You seem to have trouble hearing me. Maybe if I crack open your skulls with this metal meat tenderizering mallet the words will reach your brain.
*SMASH**CRACK**SMASH*
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! CUCKOO! CUCKOO!
YA GOTTA CURE WHAT AILS YA! PAILS AND PAILS A NAILS A! WANNA WASH A WOMBAT!
A-BOINGA-BOINGA-BOINGA-BOINGA-BOINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!
_____
So my prediliction for incoherent and sputtering (albeit justifiable) rage probably means I should lay off the talk shows for now.
Although I do credit this personality quirk for my improbable friendship w/Bill O'Reilly.
_____
O'REILLY
IT'S LIBERALS LIKE YOU THAT WANT TO TAKE AWAY MY SPIDERMAN APPLESAUCE!
ME
WELL, IF YOU DIDN'T STEAL MY BOUNCY BANANAS I COULD EAT MY OATMEAL!
O'REILLY
Hmmm. OK, but how do you explain the fact THAT CANTALOUPES CAN'T ELOPE?!?
ME
I WANNA PLAY MONOPOLY!
O'REILLY
Sanitary napkins?
ME
SANITARY NAPKINS!
O'REILLY
Well, I'm afraid we're out of time. My guests have been liberal blogger Nevsky and Oklahoma Senator Dr. Tom Coburn. Always good to hear from you, Senator.
SENATOR COBURN (R)
WHERE'S MY SPIDERMAN APPLESAUCE?!? OOH, I FOUND CHOCOLATE PUDDING IN MY PANTS!
O'REILLY
Perhaps our panelists would enjoy singing the closing theme with yours truly and legendary pop-jazz vocal combo Manhattan Transfer. Let's do this!
ALL
SHIT MY PANTS AND DO A DANCE, WE'RE GOING TO TAKE THAT NIGHT TRAIN TO CUCAMONGA!
A-BOINGA-BOINGA-BOINGA-BOINGA-BOINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!
_____
And if you'd like any transcripts of my recent appearances, catch five bouncy bananas, stick them in a jar of Spiderman applesauce and send it to Nevsky, c/o Oscar the Grouch's Trashcan, Cucamonga.
People, both real and imagined, having found me to be a rather passionate character, have wondered why I don't strive to become a more public figure. Well, as much as a part of me would like to be out on the public airwaves, the fact of the matter is that I do not possess that Howard-Dean-like Zen that would allow me to refute utter bullshit calmly and effectively. Furthermore, I get really angry when I attempt to engage in a debate, only to be met with stone-faced resistance and the ceaseless parroting of right-wing propaganda, without any admission of even listening to what I had just said. This invariably leads to my losing control, allowing them to use me to promote the inaccurate stereotype of the quote-unquote "angry liberal".
For example, here's an excerpt from the 37th most popular chat show in our state, "Someone's In The Kitchen With Virginia," where we're discussing the effort to place anti-gay marriage language in the state constitution:
_____
ME
I would like to point out to my colleague that gay marriage is already illegal in this state, and while this poorly-worded statute wouldn't further so-called protection against gay marriage, it could, in fact, lead to courts swamped with lawsuits challenging any partnership considered to be non-traditional.
RIGHT-WING BLOGGER
We need this legislation in order to protect the sanctity of marriage against homosexuals.
ME
Even though I disagree, that's not the issue. It. Is. Already. Illegal. As a so-called fiscal conservative, you should be upset the state house is wasting taxpayers' time and money with this referendum. As a so-called limited-government conservative, you should be upset that they want to so brazenly rewrite the state constitution. Or are you just cynically hoping this will be yet another successful distraction from the corruption and incompetence of the state GOP?
RIGHT-WING BLOGGER
We need this legislation in order to protect the sanctity of marriage against homosexuals.
ME
I see. Allow me to rebut by smacking my colleague upside the head with this oar.
*SMASH**SMASH*
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! CUCKOO! CUCKOO! BIBBLE-BIBBLE-OATBRAN! I WANTS ME SOME MASHED POTATOES! AND GRAVY AIN'T WAVY!
A-BOINGA-BOINGA-BOINGA-BOINGA-BOINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!
_____
Not my finest hour, I admit. And it didn't get any better when I was asked to appear on the nationally televised "Shoot the Shit"...
_____
ME
The fact of the matter is that the president and his administration can conduct spying operations on anyone he chooses, as long as he gets a retroactive warrant. The fact that he doesn't do so should concern all Americans.
REPULSIVE WINGNUT THAT VAGUELY RESEMBLES, BUT ISN'T, ANN COULTER
Well, I can see it concerning liberals like you who want the terrorists to win, but we should give the President all the tools he needs to combat terrorism.
ME
He has all the tools he needs, and might I add, had he utilized those tools a bit more effectively, like perhaps, paying attention to a memo entitled "Bin Laden Determined to Strike Inside U.S.", America would be a safer place. Isn't it obvious that the reason they don't want warrants is that they're using their spying powers against political enemies?
REPULSIVE WINGNUT THAT VAGUELY RESEMBLES, BUT ISN'T, ANN COULTER
But why do you want the terrorists to win?
BEEFY, HALF-WIT MODERATOR THAT VAGUELY RESEMBLES, BUT ISN'T, TIM RUSSERT
That's a good point. Why DO you want the terrorists to win?
ME
You seem to have trouble hearing me. Maybe if I crack open your skulls with this metal meat tenderizering mallet the words will reach your brain.
*SMASH**CRACK**SMASH*
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! CUCKOO! CUCKOO!
YA GOTTA CURE WHAT AILS YA! PAILS AND PAILS A NAILS A! WANNA WASH A WOMBAT!
A-BOINGA-BOINGA-BOINGA-BOINGA-BOINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!
_____
So my prediliction for incoherent and sputtering (albeit justifiable) rage probably means I should lay off the talk shows for now.
Although I do credit this personality quirk for my improbable friendship w/Bill O'Reilly.
_____
O'REILLY
IT'S LIBERALS LIKE YOU THAT WANT TO TAKE AWAY MY SPIDERMAN APPLESAUCE!
ME
WELL, IF YOU DIDN'T STEAL MY BOUNCY BANANAS I COULD EAT MY OATMEAL!
O'REILLY
Hmmm. OK, but how do you explain the fact THAT CANTALOUPES CAN'T ELOPE?!?
ME
I WANNA PLAY MONOPOLY!
O'REILLY
Sanitary napkins?
ME
SANITARY NAPKINS!
O'REILLY
Well, I'm afraid we're out of time. My guests have been liberal blogger Nevsky and Oklahoma Senator Dr. Tom Coburn. Always good to hear from you, Senator.
SENATOR COBURN (R)
WHERE'S MY SPIDERMAN APPLESAUCE?!? OOH, I FOUND CHOCOLATE PUDDING IN MY PANTS!
O'REILLY
Perhaps our panelists would enjoy singing the closing theme with yours truly and legendary pop-jazz vocal combo Manhattan Transfer. Let's do this!
ALL
SHIT MY PANTS AND DO A DANCE, WE'RE GOING TO TAKE THAT NIGHT TRAIN TO CUCAMONGA!
A-BOINGA-BOINGA-BOINGA-BOINGA-BOINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!
_____
And if you'd like any transcripts of my recent appearances, catch five bouncy bananas, stick them in a jar of Spiderman applesauce and send it to Nevsky, c/o Oscar the Grouch's Trashcan, Cucamonga.
31 January 2006
Did anyone watch the idiot?
I (thankfully) don't have TV, but I didn't listen to it on the internets either, because my stomach couldn't handle, and my liver certainly couldn't handle any drinking game (unless you throw back a shot for a coherent statement). So what empty promises did he deliver and which fears did he play on?
I (thankfully) don't have TV, but I didn't listen to it on the internets either, because my stomach couldn't handle, and my liver certainly couldn't handle any drinking game (unless you throw back a shot for a coherent statement). So what empty promises did he deliver and which fears did he play on?
Since the Freepers call it "freeping", could you please "nevsky" this poll?
I'll leave it to you to decide what to choose, but the fact that two of the choices are "ban it" and "it's already banned, leave the Constitution alone" illustrates what groups like Equality Virginia are dealing with...
I'll leave it to you to decide what to choose, but the fact that two of the choices are "ban it" and "it's already banned, leave the Constitution alone" illustrates what groups like Equality Virginia are dealing with...
OK, Timmy ol' boy, go get 'im...
Since ol' Dumbass is going to present the most excruciating hour of TV tonight since the American Idol tryouts, my guv (I voted for you, buddy!) is going to be in the spotlight as the official spokesman for the Democratic response.
As an opening salvo, might I suggest paraphrasing Mary McCarthy and reminding the country that every word out of Bush's mouth is a lie, including "and" and "the"?
But I'd settle for asking George why he loves terrorism so much...
Since ol' Dumbass is going to present the most excruciating hour of TV tonight since the American Idol tryouts, my guv (I voted for you, buddy!) is going to be in the spotlight as the official spokesman for the Democratic response.
As an opening salvo, might I suggest paraphrasing Mary McCarthy and reminding the country that every word out of Bush's mouth is a lie, including "and" and "the"?
But I'd settle for asking George why he loves terrorism so much...
29 January 2006
Is this radio you should be listening to? OF COURRRRRRRSE!
I've got the computer on the The Young Turks now, as they've been on the air since Friday and will continue to be on until there is or isn't a filibuster against Alito. Cenk sounds a little tired but it's still compelling radio.
And if you'd like to hear them under "normal" circumstances, you can listen to Radiopower for free from 6-9 each evening, with a replay the following morning from 10-12...
I've got the computer on the The Young Turks now, as they've been on the air since Friday and will continue to be on until there is or isn't a filibuster against Alito. Cenk sounds a little tired but it's still compelling radio.
And if you'd like to hear them under "normal" circumstances, you can listen to Radiopower for free from 6-9 each evening, with a replay the following morning from 10-12...
25 January 2006
Tag! I'm it...
CmdrSue has about three outstanding tags on me, and one day I'm going to get my shit together long enough to answer them.
But not today. *sigh*...
CmdrSue has about three outstanding tags on me, and one day I'm going to get my shit together long enough to answer them.
But not today. *sigh*...
15 January 2006
Brokeback Republicans are at it again...
The State House of Delegates is at it again, passing a bill that would change the state constitution ostensibly to ban gay marriage. You know, in case the other laws we already have in VA banning gay marriage suddenly disappeared.
Equality Virginia has a good position paper about why this is bullshit, but given the atmosphere down here the civil rights argument is tough. I'd hope that libertarians (which many Virginians profess to be) would support Kaine's veto of this bill as a waste of taxpayer money when this state is already pretty well protected against homos, indeed, when there are laws in place against the terrors of oral and anal sex between consenting adults.
(I was surprised, however, that there the law on the books also makes it illegal to screw livestock down here. I'm guessing the enforcement on that one is lax...)
I guess in order to get your kicks down in VA you have to enjoy another kind of cockfighting...
I've got the perfect remedy for this, though. A brave delegate just has to attach an amendment calling this the "If You Vote For This, You're Gay Bill".
Then just sit back and watch their heads explode...
The State House of Delegates is at it again, passing a bill that would change the state constitution ostensibly to ban gay marriage. You know, in case the other laws we already have in VA banning gay marriage suddenly disappeared.
Equality Virginia has a good position paper about why this is bullshit, but given the atmosphere down here the civil rights argument is tough. I'd hope that libertarians (which many Virginians profess to be) would support Kaine's veto of this bill as a waste of taxpayer money when this state is already pretty well protected against homos, indeed, when there are laws in place against the terrors of oral and anal sex between consenting adults.
(I was surprised, however, that there the law on the books also makes it illegal to screw livestock down here. I'm guessing the enforcement on that one is lax...)
I guess in order to get your kicks down in VA you have to enjoy another kind of cockfighting...
I've got the perfect remedy for this, though. A brave delegate just has to attach an amendment calling this the "If You Vote For This, You're Gay Bill".
Then just sit back and watch their heads explode...
11 January 2006
I guess we really are that stupid...
I suppose by this article's logic if the public were split on nun beating that would make it okay too. But this person's comment scares me the most (and I'm not just talking about the grammar):
Name one terrorist that was not caught because the Bush administration couldn't get a retroactive warrant in time. I'll wait.
The fact that the Bushies can't abide by rules that any quasi-competent would be able to utilize to catch criminals should tell us all a) they're idiots or b) they're not interested in catching terrorists. Shouldn't this be obvious by now?
But I do get a bit of bitter solace from the thought that Ms. I-B is being monitored just as fervently as I am. And why should she worry? After all, if she's doing something they shouldn't haven't been not doing...
I suppose by this article's logic if the public were split on nun beating that would make it okay too. But this person's comment scares me the most (and I'm not just talking about the grammar):
Cynthia Ice-Bones, 32, a Republican from Sacramento, Calif., said knowing about the program made her feel a bit safer. "I think our security is so important that we don't need warrants. If you're doing something we shouldn't be doing, then you ought to be caught," she said.
Name one terrorist that was not caught because the Bush administration couldn't get a retroactive warrant in time. I'll wait.
The fact that the Bushies can't abide by rules that any quasi-competent would be able to utilize to catch criminals should tell us all a) they're idiots or b) they're not interested in catching terrorists. Shouldn't this be obvious by now?
But I do get a bit of bitter solace from the thought that Ms. I-B is being monitored just as fervently as I am. And why should she worry? After all, if she's doing something they shouldn't haven't been not doing...
08 January 2006
15 December 2005
All things being equal, I'd prefer a bittersweet Ang Lee movie...
I went home at lunch today as the snow was turning to sleet in Charlottesville. It looks so nice and wintry around our house...
Just hope the power holds up.
I went home at lunch today as the snow was turning to sleet in Charlottesville. It looks so nice and wintry around our house...
Just hope the power holds up.
14 December 2005
Why should I bother?
Does the world need another tiresome post about how much bullshit the "war on Christmas" is? My brother has already said it perfectly, and CmdrSue has the retail aspect of it wrapped up, so go read them.
There is one thing, though. I don't think I want to concede the phrase "Merry Christmas" to The Blotch.
To me, Merry Christmas = Happy Holidays; I use them interchangably, and when I do say "MC" it's not to fulfill the belligerent, ass-holy agenda O'Reilly and his ilk have concocted. And I used it first. So to be fair, they need another holiday greeting...
How about "Suck it, kike"? No wait, that's not inclusive enough. "Suck it, homo"? That's better, because it can either be accurate or perjorative, but it doesn't capture O'Reilly's love of harassing women.
"Eat me"? No, that's a Thanksgiving greeting (see post below).
Maybe a simple "fuck you" will suffice the next time you're out at the stores. Of course, any true Christian would know the real meaning of Christmas...
...and certainly wouldn't exploit the holiday by offering items for sale...wait a fucking minute, it says "holiday gift list" RIGHT ON THE FRONT FUCKING PAGE! WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT BLOOTCHY MESS THINK HE IS??
Does the world need another tiresome post about how much bullshit the "war on Christmas" is? My brother has already said it perfectly, and CmdrSue has the retail aspect of it wrapped up, so go read them.
There is one thing, though. I don't think I want to concede the phrase "Merry Christmas" to The Blotch.
To me, Merry Christmas = Happy Holidays; I use them interchangably, and when I do say "MC" it's not to fulfill the belligerent, ass-holy agenda O'Reilly and his ilk have concocted. And I used it first. So to be fair, they need another holiday greeting...
How about "Suck it, kike"? No wait, that's not inclusive enough. "Suck it, homo"? That's better, because it can either be accurate or perjorative, but it doesn't capture O'Reilly's love of harassing women.
"Eat me"? No, that's a Thanksgiving greeting (see post below).
Maybe a simple "fuck you" will suffice the next time you're out at the stores. Of course, any true Christian would know the real meaning of Christmas...
...and certainly wouldn't exploit the holiday by offering items for sale...wait a fucking minute, it says "holiday gift list" RIGHT ON THE FRONT FUCKING PAGE! WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT BLOOTCHY MESS THINK HE IS??
22 November 2005
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
Since we'll be on the road tomorrow (up to visit the family, including dear brother) I thought I'd leave you with a lively holiday jingle:
Eat us, hey, it's Thanksgiving day
Eat us, we make a nice buffet
We lost the race with Farmer Ed
Eat us 'cause we're good and dead
White man or red man
From East, North, or South
Chop off our legs
And put 'em in your mouth
Eat me! (sauteed or barbecued)
Eat me! (we once were pets, but now we're food)
We won't stay fresh for very long
So eat us before we finish this song
Eat us before we finish this song!
Since we'll be on the road tomorrow (up to visit the family, including dear brother) I thought I'd leave you with a lively holiday jingle:
Eat us, hey, it's Thanksgiving day
Eat us, we make a nice buffet
We lost the race with Farmer Ed
Eat us 'cause we're good and dead
White man or red man
From East, North, or South
Chop off our legs
And put 'em in your mouth
Eat me! (sauteed or barbecued)
Eat me! (we once were pets, but now we're food)
We won't stay fresh for very long
So eat us before we finish this song
Eat us before we finish this song!
20 November 2005
To the voters of OH-2.
The most frustrating aspect of the recent Virginia gubernatorial election was the understanding by any reasonably impartial observer that Tim Kaine, the Democratic candidate, was clearly the superior choice. In terms of economic growth, in terms of leadership, in terms of dealing with the Republican party, Kaine had the proven track record. It was as much of a no-brainer as these things get, save the fact that the guy with the (R) by his name gets 48% of the vote even if his stump speech is "Shit my pants and do a dance! I'm taking that night train to Cucamonga!"
Jerry Kilgore, the Repub, wasn't that eloquent. His economic plan was to raise spending and cut taxes (I'M NOT KIDDING). He pulled out the Hitler card in TV ads attacking Kaine (and I'm not talking about the lovable Ted Hitler). He lost by 5 points; he should have lost by 20. C'mon, VA Repubs, you knew your guy wasn't up to snuff and made the moronic Jim Gilmore look like John Warner by comparison (yes, I mean John, there's a guy I don't agree with but has a brain in his head).
There was a special election in the 2nd district in Ohio not too long ago where once again, a clearly superior candidate had to fight the well-entrenched inertia of Republican voters. Jean Schmidt, who managed to embarrass herself time and time again on national TV, still eked out a win over Paul Hackett. Many voters in that district bucked tradition, but it wasn't enough.
To those of you that voted (R) because that's what you always do, this is what you voted for.
Like that vote now?
The most frustrating aspect of the recent Virginia gubernatorial election was the understanding by any reasonably impartial observer that Tim Kaine, the Democratic candidate, was clearly the superior choice. In terms of economic growth, in terms of leadership, in terms of dealing with the Republican party, Kaine had the proven track record. It was as much of a no-brainer as these things get, save the fact that the guy with the (R) by his name gets 48% of the vote even if his stump speech is "Shit my pants and do a dance! I'm taking that night train to Cucamonga!"
Jerry Kilgore, the Repub, wasn't that eloquent. His economic plan was to raise spending and cut taxes (I'M NOT KIDDING). He pulled out the Hitler card in TV ads attacking Kaine (and I'm not talking about the lovable Ted Hitler). He lost by 5 points; he should have lost by 20. C'mon, VA Repubs, you knew your guy wasn't up to snuff and made the moronic Jim Gilmore look like John Warner by comparison (yes, I mean John, there's a guy I don't agree with but has a brain in his head).
There was a special election in the 2nd district in Ohio not too long ago where once again, a clearly superior candidate had to fight the well-entrenched inertia of Republican voters. Jean Schmidt, who managed to embarrass herself time and time again on national TV, still eked out a win over Paul Hackett. Many voters in that district bucked tradition, but it wasn't enough.
To those of you that voted (R) because that's what you always do, this is what you voted for.
Like that vote now?
16 November 2005
So, pick yer deathbed tune yet?
I don't think it's especially profound to say that most of us hope to have some degree of control over the end of our lives (after a long, happy life, natch). Hopefully, all our of deaths will be peaceful, serene, and surrounded by loved ones.
Well, we don't know if that's going to happen, but we can at least make sure the background music's good.
For years, my decision was obvious. "Asleep" by The Smiths, right? Had that nice lullaby feel, sad, snotty, chock full of contempt and that "you'll be sorry when I'm DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!" attitude that just somehow seemed to fit.
Then, with age came wisdom and a more optimistic worldview, and I thought that "Now My Heart is Full" would be a great sendoff.
Then I discovered there were other songwriters besides Morrissey. That's what happens when you wait seven years between albums. Asshole. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that, I can't stay mad at you.
Wait a minute. What was I talking about? Oh yeah, deathbed tunes!
I don't know if this was true, but Howard Stern said that when Joey Ramone passed away, he was listening to "In A Little While" by U2. Nice song, it certainly gains significance by its role in the passing of one of America's greats, but if you're going to pick a U2 deathbed song, it's gotta be "One".
Or maybe we should go the ironic route? Although I bet even Alanis is sick of that song by now. How about "I Don't Wanna Grow Up"? Two great versions to choose from! "It's the End of The World as We Know It" wouldn't be a bad choice, but what if the Grim Reaper comes to guide you for your journey? You wouldn't want him thinking you're a wise-ass...
"We Are The World"? No, what if the Grim Reaper throws up and accidentally overturns the boat as you're drifting down the River Styx? (You can make your own "Sail Away" joke).
"Waiting for a Friend"? Hmmmm, I don't think the last image I want in my mind is Keith Richards, death is scary enough by itself.
"Not Dark Yet"? Heeeeeeey, not bad, but Bob might have written that one for himself.
Hold on, what if as you shuffle off this mortal coil, and you reach the crossroads/pearly gates/settle up station or whatever, and the tiebreaker just happens to be your appreciation of phat rhymes and dope beats? Well, maybe I should go with Jay-Z's "My 1st Song". If it was good enough to end the career of HOV, how can I argue against it?
Why not just embrace sentimentalism? "What A Wonderful World". If people bust your chops for a cheesy deathbed song, you can just choose to walk the earth and haunt the motherfuckers.
Radiohead's "How to Disappear Completely" is a strong candidate right now. Graceful, pretty, Yorke's pleading vocals properly convey the sense of proportion of one soul in an endless universe. Also, it's almost six minutes long, which might be important when you're near the end.
At this moment, I think I might go with Robyn Hitchcock's version of "Tryin' to Get to Heaven Before They Close The Door". Hitchcock, like Yorke, gets the sense of proportion across, but there's an edge there that I like. It's a gorgeous, calming song with the same lullaby feel of "Asleep" but without the pout.
Hmm. No Cure songs on this list. I'm a bit surprised, actually.
(Update coming w/song links.)
I don't think it's especially profound to say that most of us hope to have some degree of control over the end of our lives (after a long, happy life, natch). Hopefully, all our of deaths will be peaceful, serene, and surrounded by loved ones.
Well, we don't know if that's going to happen, but we can at least make sure the background music's good.
For years, my decision was obvious. "Asleep" by The Smiths, right? Had that nice lullaby feel, sad, snotty, chock full of contempt and that "you'll be sorry when I'm DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!" attitude that just somehow seemed to fit.
Then, with age came wisdom and a more optimistic worldview, and I thought that "Now My Heart is Full" would be a great sendoff.
Then I discovered there were other songwriters besides Morrissey. That's what happens when you wait seven years between albums. Asshole. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that, I can't stay mad at you.
Wait a minute. What was I talking about? Oh yeah, deathbed tunes!
I don't know if this was true, but Howard Stern said that when Joey Ramone passed away, he was listening to "In A Little While" by U2. Nice song, it certainly gains significance by its role in the passing of one of America's greats, but if you're going to pick a U2 deathbed song, it's gotta be "One".
Or maybe we should go the ironic route? Although I bet even Alanis is sick of that song by now. How about "I Don't Wanna Grow Up"? Two great versions to choose from! "It's the End of The World as We Know It" wouldn't be a bad choice, but what if the Grim Reaper comes to guide you for your journey? You wouldn't want him thinking you're a wise-ass...
"We Are The World"? No, what if the Grim Reaper throws up and accidentally overturns the boat as you're drifting down the River Styx? (You can make your own "Sail Away" joke).
"Waiting for a Friend"? Hmmmm, I don't think the last image I want in my mind is Keith Richards, death is scary enough by itself.
"Not Dark Yet"? Heeeeeeey, not bad, but Bob might have written that one for himself.
Hold on, what if as you shuffle off this mortal coil, and you reach the crossroads/pearly gates/settle up station or whatever, and the tiebreaker just happens to be your appreciation of phat rhymes and dope beats? Well, maybe I should go with Jay-Z's "My 1st Song". If it was good enough to end the career of HOV, how can I argue against it?
Why not just embrace sentimentalism? "What A Wonderful World". If people bust your chops for a cheesy deathbed song, you can just choose to walk the earth and haunt the motherfuckers.
Radiohead's "How to Disappear Completely" is a strong candidate right now. Graceful, pretty, Yorke's pleading vocals properly convey the sense of proportion of one soul in an endless universe. Also, it's almost six minutes long, which might be important when you're near the end.
At this moment, I think I might go with Robyn Hitchcock's version of "Tryin' to Get to Heaven Before They Close The Door". Hitchcock, like Yorke, gets the sense of proportion across, but there's an edge there that I like. It's a gorgeous, calming song with the same lullaby feel of "Asleep" but without the pout.
Hmm. No Cure songs on this list. I'm a bit surprised, actually.
(Update coming w/song links.)
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