Retarded Louisiana legislators redux...
I really can't believe this. My wife and I love New Orleans, it's probably our favorite vacation destination (that or Paris, and I'd throw in Las Vegas), but what the hell's going on in that state. I thought that low-slung pants bill was an obvious example of one nimrod exploiting his position to suit his own personal agenda.
And now I read that this idiotic bill has passed through its committee.
Here's more info:
--
State Representative Derrick Shepherd’s bill would make any violator subject to three eight-hour days of community service and up to a fine of $175.
That means the local teens on the basketball court are going to have to keep their pants up, too.
Shepherd told the New Orleans Times-Picayune, "There's a way to shoot hoops professionally. You don't have to shoot hoops with your pants below your waist."
He thinks the waistline location might even improve their behavior.
"Hopefully, if we pull up their pants," he said, "we can lift their minds while we're at it."
--
Just reading that sends me into Lewis Blackesque convulsions. And I'm the only one that sees...um...racist overtones here?
"Mind you, I quite agree that twice-two-makes-four is a most excellent thing; but if we are to give everything its due, then twice-two-makes-five is sometimes a most charming little thing, too."
13 May 2004
Yeah, TV viewers are idiots, blah blah etc.
I'm glad this whole abuse of Iraqis thing is obviously over with, since the most important news CNN can find is someone getting screwed over on American Idol. I guess given the unimportant crap I've spewed venom about here, this should be big, but the only thing that comes to my mind is Al Pacino's line from Glengarry Glen Ross: "What do YOU fuckin' care?"
I'll save my outrage for Rupert picking up that million dollars tonight.
I'm glad this whole abuse of Iraqis thing is obviously over with, since the most important news CNN can find is someone getting screwed over on American Idol. I guess given the unimportant crap I've spewed venom about here, this should be big, but the only thing that comes to my mind is Al Pacino's line from Glengarry Glen Ross: "What do YOU fuckin' care?"
I'll save my outrage for Rupert picking up that million dollars tonight.
12 May 2004
Wacky corgi antics...
A semi-reoccuring series featuring my corgi, Monty.
CmdrSue and her hubby gave me a thoughtful little graduation gift, a remote-control Mini Cooper, about an inch tall. I was delighted; not only did my mind buzz with the potential for annoying people, I thought Monty would have fun chasing it around and it might actually be a toy he wouldn't rip to shreds in two seconds (after a little practice driving it, of course).
So, I take the car home, put it on the kitchen floor, and Monty, curious little dog that he is, immediately walked up to it. I make the Cooper move a little towards my doggie, and the coward backs up. As I move the car towards him so that he can play with it, Monty backs away and runs out of the kitchen.
So, I felt like a fucking asshole, but fortunately, I got back into Monty's good graces with the help of a delicious Pup-peroni(TM). I'm so grateful to this wonderful product that at considerable expense I brought in jazz vocal combo Manhattan Transfer to sing the Pup-peroni jingle with xylophone accompaniment! Take it away!
"Oh, when you inadvertently scare your corgi with a remote control car,
And you feel like a fucking asshole,
Get back in your dog's good graces with the help of a delicious Pup-peroni(TM),
Youuuuuuuuuuu...ASSHOLE!"
Hmm. Maybe that's why Pup-peroni sales have been going down recently...
A semi-reoccuring series featuring my corgi, Monty.
CmdrSue and her hubby gave me a thoughtful little graduation gift, a remote-control Mini Cooper, about an inch tall. I was delighted; not only did my mind buzz with the potential for annoying people, I thought Monty would have fun chasing it around and it might actually be a toy he wouldn't rip to shreds in two seconds (after a little practice driving it, of course).
So, I take the car home, put it on the kitchen floor, and Monty, curious little dog that he is, immediately walked up to it. I make the Cooper move a little towards my doggie, and the coward backs up. As I move the car towards him so that he can play with it, Monty backs away and runs out of the kitchen.
So, I felt like a fucking asshole, but fortunately, I got back into Monty's good graces with the help of a delicious Pup-peroni(TM). I'm so grateful to this wonderful product that at considerable expense I brought in jazz vocal combo Manhattan Transfer to sing the Pup-peroni jingle with xylophone accompaniment! Take it away!
"Oh, when you inadvertently scare your corgi with a remote control car,
And you feel like a fucking asshole,
Get back in your dog's good graces with the help of a delicious Pup-peroni(TM),
Youuuuuuuuuuu...ASSHOLE!"
Hmm. Maybe that's why Pup-peroni sales have been going down recently...
I apologize to McDonald's...
This is the dumbest fucking idea ever.
Free beer to hockey fans. Great.
And Blogger keeps eating my posts when I try to use the buttons. Hate. Hate. Hate.
This is the dumbest fucking idea ever.
Free beer to hockey fans. Great.
And Blogger keeps eating my posts when I try to use the buttons. Hate. Hate. Hate.
11 May 2004
Now that I got my free crap, I can say with enthusiasm...
VOTE FOR JOHN KERRY!
Thanks for the bumpersticker Johnny, you're going on right under Howard, because when I drive I want to convey the message, "Sure, Howard Dean would have probably been a better president and beat up Dubya like a schoolyard bully, but when push comes to shove, Democrats are cowards and pick the 'safe' candidate, but you can certainly take solace in the fact that Kerry will also give Dubya a few kicks as we throw his cracker ass out of the White House."
VOTE FOR JOHN KERRY!
Thanks for the bumpersticker Johnny, you're going on right under Howard, because when I drive I want to convey the message, "Sure, Howard Dean would have probably been a better president and beat up Dubya like a schoolyard bully, but when push comes to shove, Democrats are cowards and pick the 'safe' candidate, but you can certainly take solace in the fact that Kerry will also give Dubya a few kicks as we throw his cracker ass out of the White House."
I'm no businessman, but is this the dumbest fucking idea ever or what?
A Happy Meal for adults. A salad, water, and pedometer for (presumably) six bucks. They'll probably make millions.
Shit, Rupert's going to win that million on Thursday, isn't he?
Who, exactly, are we kidding? First of all, a real happy meal for adults would be a double Big Mac, large fries, and an XBox. Have you ever seen anyone jump for joy because they received a frickin' pedometer for Christmas?
And who does this help? People who go to McDonald's don't want fucking healthy food. They'll eat the salad once, and grab a Quarter Pounder with a cup of french fry oil as a snack on the way out. Like everyone in my generation, McDonald's used to be a treat, once a month tops, but now we go there every day because a) it's the closest place to our jobs and we only get half an hour for lunch or b) our jobs are so miserable and shitty that the only solace we get comes from the fond memories of scarfing down food I use to be able to eat without getting the trots.
A Happy Meal for adults. A salad, water, and pedometer for (presumably) six bucks. They'll probably make millions.
Shit, Rupert's going to win that million on Thursday, isn't he?
Who, exactly, are we kidding? First of all, a real happy meal for adults would be a double Big Mac, large fries, and an XBox. Have you ever seen anyone jump for joy because they received a frickin' pedometer for Christmas?
And who does this help? People who go to McDonald's don't want fucking healthy food. They'll eat the salad once, and grab a Quarter Pounder with a cup of french fry oil as a snack on the way out. Like everyone in my generation, McDonald's used to be a treat, once a month tops, but now we go there every day because a) it's the closest place to our jobs and we only get half an hour for lunch or b) our jobs are so miserable and shitty that the only solace we get comes from the fond memories of scarfing down food I use to be able to eat without getting the trots.
You were outwitted, outplayed, outlasted...but here's a million anyway!
Another MSNBC.com article handicaps the contestants who've got a chance in hell of getting the Survivor million from the American people. Unlike most MSNBC.com articles on almost any subject, this one didn't annoy me. Sure, Rupert's called the favorite, but the writer correctly based this on the stupidity of the American-Idol-destroying audience, rather than merit on Rupert's part. Actually, Rupert's called the asshole that he is and the Television Without Pity campaign to get Rob M. the cash is even mentioned. C'mon, if anyone ever had a valid argument for deserving money from a reality show, it's Rob M., who utilized all of the arbitrary rules in a controlled setting to make the others his minions.
But if you didn't like Rob M., just remember this, it's not about giving a million to the guy who deserved it the most out of 18 possible choices.
It's about pissing off Lex, who's a complete douchebag.
Another MSNBC.com article handicaps the contestants who've got a chance in hell of getting the Survivor million from the American people. Unlike most MSNBC.com articles on almost any subject, this one didn't annoy me. Sure, Rupert's called the favorite, but the writer correctly based this on the stupidity of the American-Idol-destroying audience, rather than merit on Rupert's part. Actually, Rupert's called the asshole that he is and the Television Without Pity campaign to get Rob M. the cash is even mentioned. C'mon, if anyone ever had a valid argument for deserving money from a reality show, it's Rob M., who utilized all of the arbitrary rules in a controlled setting to make the others his minions.
But if you didn't like Rob M., just remember this, it's not about giving a million to the guy who deserved it the most out of 18 possible choices.
It's about pissing off Lex, who's a complete douchebag.
10 May 2004
Not really feelin' the Blogger love right now...
The new, improved Blogger has to date only increased the # of obscenities I string together in one breath of air. I guess it's kind of pissy to complain about free ranting space not being convenient enough as if I were Mikhail Bulgakov and my pearls of "wisdom" were necessary for the good of society.
Then again, I'm a pretty pissy guy...
The new, improved Blogger has to date only increased the # of obscenities I string together in one breath of air. I guess it's kind of pissy to complain about free ranting space not being convenient enough as if I were Mikhail Bulgakov and my pearls of "wisdom" were necessary for the good of society.
Then again, I'm a pretty pissy guy...
Kudos to Amber...
A couple of thoughts about the Survivor finale.
The article is full of shit. Rob did not "win" the game for Amber; Amber played such a brilliant game I bet the jury STILL thinks they "gave" the money to her. They're idiots.
Lex is a douchebag.
I have other thoughts, but until the "new" Blogger works out its 82352 bugs I'll defer.
A couple of thoughts about the Survivor finale.
The article is full of shit. Rob did not "win" the game for Amber; Amber played such a brilliant game I bet the jury STILL thinks they "gave" the money to her. They're idiots.
Lex is a douchebag.
I have other thoughts, but until the "new" Blogger works out its 82352 bugs I'll defer.
09 May 2004
You've GOT to be fucking kidding me. (or, "Bush and Kerry are alike in some ways, but different in others...")
Every mediocre compare/contrast paper I've ever read has that sort of sentence in it; those papers invariably end up in the B-C+ range.
So to see that type of prose appear in an MSNBC.com article makes me wonder how that writer has a fucking job.
Oh, and if the writer illustrated how Kerry would have started military action based upon spreading false information to the American public and the international community I might have bought his argument.
Every mediocre compare/contrast paper I've ever read has that sort of sentence in it; those papers invariably end up in the B-C+ range.
So to see that type of prose appear in an MSNBC.com article makes me wonder how that writer has a fucking job.
Oh, and if the writer illustrated how Kerry would have started military action based upon spreading false information to the American public and the international community I might have bought his argument.
08 May 2004
This summer I'm going to party like it's 199...2.
It's about frickin' time the shit I liked in college came back in "style". Not only does Morrissey (I'm talkin' the Pope of Mope, the Prince of Pout, the Duke of Dour) have a new, long-awaited (by me) disc, he's headlining Lollapalooza (motto: "our music is too boring to make anyone riot!") this year. I'll be there in all my "glory", shoegazing, looking disaffected, and spending $8 for a cup of water. I wonder if my Slowdive tee still fits.
And if that weren't enough, the Pixies are reuniting. And with Kevin Shields finally staying sane enough to write some new songs, I almost feel charmed. Is it too much to ask Matt Johnson to get off his ass and make another The The album? What bands have you been waiting for to cash in on the alternative band comeback "craze"?
It's about frickin' time the shit I liked in college came back in "style". Not only does Morrissey (I'm talkin' the Pope of Mope, the Prince of Pout, the Duke of Dour) have a new, long-awaited (by me) disc, he's headlining Lollapalooza (motto: "our music is too boring to make anyone riot!") this year. I'll be there in all my "glory", shoegazing, looking disaffected, and spending $8 for a cup of water. I wonder if my Slowdive tee still fits.
And if that weren't enough, the Pixies are reuniting. And with Kevin Shields finally staying sane enough to write some new songs, I almost feel charmed. Is it too much to ask Matt Johnson to get off his ass and make another The The album? What bands have you been waiting for to cash in on the alternative band comeback "craze"?
07 May 2004
Why do my students hate me?
It's hard not to think that after a day of grading research papers. The grammar...the grammmmmmmmmmmmmar. The approximately 40-50 10-page papers I read each semester (and yes, I actually READ them) invariably fall into the same ratio: 10% are good, maybe another 20% or so don't make me upset, and the rest...sheesh.
So if there are any college-age students reading this, a few tips when you hand in your paper...
*Read your paper out loud, to yourself, before you hand it in. Do your instructor that favor, OK?
*Papers get Googled now, don't try to buy them.
*I hate this sentence: "In order to analyze [ostensible topic of paper], it is first necessary to summarize [entire work]." NO, IT'S NOT NECESSARY! You think we don't recognize filler when we see it? I swear, sometimes I think oatmeal and sawdust are going to fall out of the pages.
*For the last. fucking. time. The apostrophe is used to indicate possession. Possession. POSSESSION! I tell my students this every semester, and they still do it. One semester while I was a TA I remember correcting one paper discussing "The Brother's Karamazov"; this told me that not only couldn't that student be bothered with correct grammar, s/he analyzed a novel without bothering TO LOOK AT THE COVER OF THE BOOK.
Deep breath. Calm blue ocean. OK.
It's hard not to think that after a day of grading research papers. The grammar...the grammmmmmmmmmmmmar. The approximately 40-50 10-page papers I read each semester (and yes, I actually READ them) invariably fall into the same ratio: 10% are good, maybe another 20% or so don't make me upset, and the rest...sheesh.
So if there are any college-age students reading this, a few tips when you hand in your paper...
*Read your paper out loud, to yourself, before you hand it in. Do your instructor that favor, OK?
*Papers get Googled now, don't try to buy them.
*I hate this sentence: "In order to analyze [ostensible topic of paper], it is first necessary to summarize [entire work]." NO, IT'S NOT NECESSARY! You think we don't recognize filler when we see it? I swear, sometimes I think oatmeal and sawdust are going to fall out of the pages.
*For the last. fucking. time. The apostrophe is used to indicate possession. Possession. POSSESSION! I tell my students this every semester, and they still do it. One semester while I was a TA I remember correcting one paper discussing "The Brother's Karamazov"; this told me that not only couldn't that student be bothered with correct grammar, s/he analyzed a novel without bothering TO LOOK AT THE COVER OF THE BOOK.
Deep breath. Calm blue ocean. OK.
06 May 2004
The answer is...you're an idiot.
You are, that is, if you complete this inane "Which 'Friend' are you" poll that's on, surprise, MSNBC.com.
I knew I was going to be annoyed before I clicked on it, and I was right...
You are, that is, if you complete this inane "Which 'Friend' are you" poll that's on, surprise, MSNBC.com.
I knew I was going to be annoyed before I clicked on it, and I was right...
Look, Kerry may be a dickwad, but he's OUR dickwad...
There have been Daily Kos diaries here and here about how the Kerry campaign is so lackluster and dull that we've got to cut our losses and put someone, anyone else in there. Too late, fellas, Kerry's our guy, sink or swim. I feel for all of you, I really do; I still remain unconvinced that Kerry is the better candidate or will be a better president than Howard Dean. I sure as hell would have liked to see Kerry try to endure a tenth of the shitstorm Dean took from Repubs and fellow Democrats (and does anyone honestly believe that Bill Clinton, a man with a dubious draft record, would have survived the same thing in 2004?), and I think the whole "Kerry won the primaries, therefore he's the best" argument has a lot of holes. Let's face facts, OK? I'm too lazy to Google news articles on primaries, but I seem to remember a lot of articles about Kerry's victories including a poll indicating voters chose him because they thought he could beat Bush. So a lot of voters liked someone else, but they thought others would like Kerry. Ever buy a present you THOUGHT your wife or kid would like that they hated? Just saying, that's all.
And with all the annoying Dean-bashing going on in the Kos diaries YET AGAIN, I'd just like to say that I'm supporting Kerry hard. But since Kerry was picked because Dems thought he could beat Bush, he owes it to the Democrats, hell, he owes it to America, to beat Bush and save us from ourselves. And if he can't do it, it's not on the Deaniacs, or the Naderites, it's on HIM. Now go be fucking electable already; the new ads are a great start.
There have been Daily Kos diaries here and here about how the Kerry campaign is so lackluster and dull that we've got to cut our losses and put someone, anyone else in there. Too late, fellas, Kerry's our guy, sink or swim. I feel for all of you, I really do; I still remain unconvinced that Kerry is the better candidate or will be a better president than Howard Dean. I sure as hell would have liked to see Kerry try to endure a tenth of the shitstorm Dean took from Repubs and fellow Democrats (and does anyone honestly believe that Bill Clinton, a man with a dubious draft record, would have survived the same thing in 2004?), and I think the whole "Kerry won the primaries, therefore he's the best" argument has a lot of holes. Let's face facts, OK? I'm too lazy to Google news articles on primaries, but I seem to remember a lot of articles about Kerry's victories including a poll indicating voters chose him because they thought he could beat Bush. So a lot of voters liked someone else, but they thought others would like Kerry. Ever buy a present you THOUGHT your wife or kid would like that they hated? Just saying, that's all.
And with all the annoying Dean-bashing going on in the Kos diaries YET AGAIN, I'd just like to say that I'm supporting Kerry hard. But since Kerry was picked because Dems thought he could beat Bush, he owes it to the Democrats, hell, he owes it to America, to beat Bush and save us from ourselves. And if he can't do it, it's not on the Deaniacs, or the Naderites, it's on HIM. Now go be fucking electable already; the new ads are a great start.
05 May 2004
Did you ever see that cartoon where Daffy Duck is up on stage with his trained pigeons, and after setting up a series of elaborate stunts for the pigeons to perform, he releases the pigeons, but they all immediately fly out the window, so he tries to play it off by dancing off the stage, only to peek out at the audience and get smacked in the face by a tomato?
For some reason, I thought of that cartoon when I read this.
For some reason, I thought of that cartoon when I read this.
04 May 2004
I love my fat, my fat loves me...
Good news if you put half-and-half on your cereal like I do, a new study suggests a low-fat diet may not be the best for your heart. Even if it's technically true, do you REALLY want to give Americans information that could be so easily misunderstood?
Sorry, what were you saying, Dr. Pendergast? I was busy enjoying my clabber smoothie.
Good news if you put half-and-half on your cereal like I do, a new study suggests a low-fat diet may not be the best for your heart. Even if it's technically true, do you REALLY want to give Americans information that could be so easily misunderstood?
"That isn't to say we think everyone should be on a 50-percent fat diet," study co-author Dr. David R. Pendergast told Reuters Health.
Sorry, what were you saying, Dr. Pendergast? I was busy enjoying my clabber smoothie.
NOW they fucking tell us!
OK, I kinda knew that job prospects in academia tend to vacillate between slim and none, but this Village Voice article was still disturbing. Oh, "thanks" to C. Franz for pointing it out to me.
Still, it's not like I didn't have some idea, I live in a city where all the bartenders have humanities MAs.
OK, I kinda knew that job prospects in academia tend to vacillate between slim and none, but this Village Voice article was still disturbing. Oh, "thanks" to C. Franz for pointing it out to me.
Still, it's not like I didn't have some idea, I live in a city where all the bartenders have humanities MAs.
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