Now here are DIFFICULT voting choices to make...
Just head over to Television Without Pity to take part in their annual Tubey Awards. I spent a long time deliberating over "Most Appalling Reality Show Star", but finally settled on Lex from Survivor "All-Stars". As much as I can agree with those who decided on Omarosa, Lex's young-child-being-dragged-out-of-a-toy-store petulance was the clincher.
Man, I may need to register under two different names just to get votes for Omarosa and Rupert in...
29 July 2004
It's time to play everyone's favorite game, "Fill In The Caption"! Tonight's celebrity panel includes Jon "Bowzer" Bauman and jazz-rock vocal combo Manhattan Transfer! Let's play! 
Something else Ben Affleck and I have in common...
Hanging out in Atlantic City with our (in Ben's case, former) mothers-in-law (that is, if Ben actually married oh you know what I mean)...
Hanging out in Atlantic City with our (in Ben's case, former) mothers-in-law (that is, if Ben actually married oh you know what I mean)...
Totally hypothetical, completely non-partisan, unbiased, equitable and evenly weighted poll...
OK, you have a choice for president between two men, you don't know with which political party they are affiliated.
One traveled in a gunboat with soldiers under heavy enemy fire.
One fell off his bike twice.
Choose.
OK, you have a choice for president between two men, you don't know with which political party they are affiliated.
One traveled in a gunboat with soldiers under heavy enemy fire.
One fell off his bike twice.
Choose.
28 July 2004
Do they REALLY want to go there?
Apparently the new trick to embarrass Kerry is to release a montage of various clips over the years portraying Kerry as uncertain.
Gee, maybe the Dems could do that w/Dubya. Think they'll have enough source material? If you look at the top of Folkbum's site, you can have the first two snippets.
I find it hard to believe, though, that Republicans are using weapons that can so easily backfire. Maybe presenting a positive agenda...oh, right, I keep forgetting, their horribly radical policy is impossible to sell to the American people! Sheesh, when will I learn?
Apparently the new trick to embarrass Kerry is to release a montage of various clips over the years portraying Kerry as uncertain.
Gee, maybe the Dems could do that w/Dubya. Think they'll have enough source material? If you look at the top of Folkbum's site, you can have the first two snippets.
I find it hard to believe, though, that Republicans are using weapons that can so easily backfire. Maybe presenting a positive agenda...oh, right, I keep forgetting, their horribly radical policy is impossible to sell to the American people! Sheesh, when will I learn?
27 July 2004
The Virginia Republican Party: Where Idiocy Meets Ideology
After the huge (or as Donald Trump would say, yooge) brouhaha over taxes that caused moderate Republicans to break off from the bibble-bibble wing and vote with Mark Warner, businesses have apparently been thanking these brave souls with donations. And a Virginia Public Radio report I heard not too long ago (sorry I couldn't find any link, you'll have to trust me) speculated that these moderate Repubs will need that dough to fend off primary challengers coming at them from the right.
There's absolutely no reason for the Republicans to be losing here, but it seems parties implode every decade or so...
After the huge (or as Donald Trump would say, yooge) brouhaha over taxes that caused moderate Republicans to break off from the bibble-bibble wing and vote with Mark Warner, businesses have apparently been thanking these brave souls with donations. And a Virginia Public Radio report I heard not too long ago (sorry I couldn't find any link, you'll have to trust me) speculated that these moderate Repubs will need that dough to fend off primary challengers coming at them from the right.
There's absolutely no reason for the Republicans to be losing here, but it seems parties implode every decade or so...
26 July 2004
Annoying songs and the people who love them...
Not too long ago I heard "Pure" by The Lightning Seeds on the radio, a song I haven't heard in a while but one I remember constantly fighting to keep from taking over my brain. I don't know exactly why, but it's a song I've never been able to get out of head, even though there are so many things about the song I hate. The blat-blat-blat of the synthesizer riff (set on "boat siren"), the other backup synth borrowed from the Robyn Hitchcock "Globe of Frogs" sessions, the other other backup synth on bass, the drum machine, and beneath it all, little Ian Broudie singing the most nauseatingly precious lyrics you'll ever hear. There's no way in hell this song should work, and yet while I'm clenching my teeth I'm tapping my toes. My "theory" is Mr. Broudie never, to his credit, ever leads the listener to believe there's a trace of irony here a la "The One I Love" or "Every Breath You Take". Even though any targeted love interest would immediately choke on either laughter or vomit from a possible serenade, the sincerity of the song makes it work. Somehow.
And then there's 311.
I actually like our local alternative music station (don't tell C. Franz) but they play an unreasonably disproportionate amount of 311. I have about 12 different 311 songs stuck in my brain, which probably is the reason I have to review Russian past active participles every year or so. Just change the station, you say? Oh, were it that easy, but every time the lame guitar licks come on, immediately followed by the lame rapping and lame reggae stylings I find myself perfoming Barthesian deconstruction on every aspect of the song, until it ends and I marvel at the fact that I didn't crash into a tree. I'm not a big fan of conflict, but at some point I may need to call the station to figure out which DJ is the drummer's cousin just so I can sleep at night...
Not too long ago I heard "Pure" by The Lightning Seeds on the radio, a song I haven't heard in a while but one I remember constantly fighting to keep from taking over my brain. I don't know exactly why, but it's a song I've never been able to get out of head, even though there are so many things about the song I hate. The blat-blat-blat of the synthesizer riff (set on "boat siren"), the other backup synth borrowed from the Robyn Hitchcock "Globe of Frogs" sessions, the other other backup synth on bass, the drum machine, and beneath it all, little Ian Broudie singing the most nauseatingly precious lyrics you'll ever hear. There's no way in hell this song should work, and yet while I'm clenching my teeth I'm tapping my toes. My "theory" is Mr. Broudie never, to his credit, ever leads the listener to believe there's a trace of irony here a la "The One I Love" or "Every Breath You Take". Even though any targeted love interest would immediately choke on either laughter or vomit from a possible serenade, the sincerity of the song makes it work. Somehow.
And then there's 311.
I actually like our local alternative music station (don't tell C. Franz) but they play an unreasonably disproportionate amount of 311. I have about 12 different 311 songs stuck in my brain, which probably is the reason I have to review Russian past active participles every year or so. Just change the station, you say? Oh, were it that easy, but every time the lame guitar licks come on, immediately followed by the lame rapping and lame reggae stylings I find myself perfoming Barthesian deconstruction on every aspect of the song, until it ends and I marvel at the fact that I didn't crash into a tree. I'm not a big fan of conflict, but at some point I may need to call the station to figure out which DJ is the drummer's cousin just so I can sleep at night...
Al Weed's campaign funds are rising just like a...plant of some sort.
The numbers are looking a lot better; in the second quarter Virgil Goode outraised Weed $166K to $110K, so Weed's fundraising has improved, but as C-Ville shows (click local news and scroll to Friday, July 16), Goode's still has a lot of cash on hand. I'd have thought Democratic groups would have been more quick to contribute to someone running against Goode, who was elected as a Democrat and then switched parties...
The recent endorsement from Democracy for America may help (and thanks to shari for bringing it to my attention). And how about John Edwards getting his sexy tush down here to help turn Virginia blue, and I don't mean from people screaming and fainting dead away at the sight of him...
Well, I guess people scream and faint dead away at the sight of Cheney as well, but you're not supposed to look at such concentrated evil directly. Take two pieces of cardboard, punch a hole in one...
The numbers are looking a lot better; in the second quarter Virgil Goode outraised Weed $166K to $110K, so Weed's fundraising has improved, but as C-Ville shows (click local news and scroll to Friday, July 16), Goode's still has a lot of cash on hand. I'd have thought Democratic groups would have been more quick to contribute to someone running against Goode, who was elected as a Democrat and then switched parties...
The recent endorsement from Democracy for America may help (and thanks to shari for bringing it to my attention). And how about John Edwards getting his sexy tush down here to help turn Virginia blue, and I don't mean from people screaming and fainting dead away at the sight of him...
Well, I guess people scream and faint dead away at the sight of Cheney as well, but you're not supposed to look at such concentrated evil directly. Take two pieces of cardboard, punch a hole in one...
22 July 2004
Linka dinka doo...
Look to the right, and check out Fink Tank 3000, Redeye's Corner, and Right Hand Thief at your leisure...
I'll be reading them once I get "It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World" out of my head...
Look to the right, and check out Fink Tank 3000, Redeye's Corner, and Right Hand Thief at your leisure...
I'll be reading them once I get "It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World" out of my head...
I KNOW there's a Dubya joke in here somewhere...
...but a better person than me will have to make it. But please share it in the comments box...
...but a better person than me will have to make it. But please share it in the comments box...
21 July 2004
Things I learned in Charleston...
* If you go to Charleston, I recommend The Indigo Inn. Not the best room I've ever had, but one of the nicest experiences in a hotel ever thanks to an incredibly friendly staff and beautiful courtyard. Then again, I'm a sucker for a good courtyard.
* At about 382 different points in the city you will be accosted and asked if you would like free tickets to various tourist destinations in exchange for a quick presentation about a vacation club, definitely not a timeshare. For some reason, my wife and I were constantly asked if we were married first, leading to giggly non-answers from me. Anyway, the presentation was insultingly bad, since I usually whip out the checkbook and my wife has to chloroform me while I'm scribbling "THOUSAND". C'mon! You call THAT a hard sell?
* If you've recently bought property south of Broad Street on the historic district, people hate you. Well, I can vouch for two tour guides and one jazz guitarist...
* If you're a Revolutionary-War-era redcoat, they're probably not too fond of you either...
* Apparently, red shoes were used to identify whores in the old days of Charleston, though a Saks Fifth Avenue retail assistant didn't seem too happy when my wife pointed that out. No, the retail assistant wasn't WEARING the red shoes, though that would have made the story funnier...
* Don't be late for your carriage tour...
* Hyman's Seafood. Delish.
* If you go to Charleston, I recommend The Indigo Inn. Not the best room I've ever had, but one of the nicest experiences in a hotel ever thanks to an incredibly friendly staff and beautiful courtyard. Then again, I'm a sucker for a good courtyard.
* At about 382 different points in the city you will be accosted and asked if you would like free tickets to various tourist destinations in exchange for a quick presentation about a vacation club, definitely not a timeshare. For some reason, my wife and I were constantly asked if we were married first, leading to giggly non-answers from me. Anyway, the presentation was insultingly bad, since I usually whip out the checkbook and my wife has to chloroform me while I'm scribbling "THOUSAND". C'mon! You call THAT a hard sell?
* If you've recently bought property south of Broad Street on the historic district, people hate you. Well, I can vouch for two tour guides and one jazz guitarist...
* If you're a Revolutionary-War-era redcoat, they're probably not too fond of you either...
* Apparently, red shoes were used to identify whores in the old days of Charleston, though a Saks Fifth Avenue retail assistant didn't seem too happy when my wife pointed that out. No, the retail assistant wasn't WEARING the red shoes, though that would have made the story funnier...
* Don't be late for your carriage tour...
* Hyman's Seafood. Delish.
Expert poll analysis from yours truly...
I believe these results may have something to do with the fact that John Kerry, for all his douchebaggery, isn't a drooling cocaine-loving cretin. Perhaps.
I believe these results may have something to do with the fact that John Kerry, for all his douchebaggery, isn't a drooling cocaine-loving cretin. Perhaps.
Well, they screwed up the war on terror, they'll probably screw this up too...
Apparently Republicans are setting up a war room in Boston for the Democratic convention.
Sheesh. Why is the Republican Party becoming so hostile and nasty? Oh, right, they can't sell their radical policies to the American voter and must resort to these tactics in order to have a chance in hell of winning. Silly me, I almost forgot...
Apparently Republicans are setting up a war room in Boston for the Democratic convention.
Sheesh. Why is the Republican Party becoming so hostile and nasty? Oh, right, they can't sell their radical policies to the American voter and must resort to these tactics in order to have a chance in hell of winning. Silly me, I almost forgot...
You know what, Ralph?
You can just eat me.
I mean, I've defended you in the past (OK, I've said you're so beyond relevance you won't matter in the 2004 election, that's KIND OF defending you), but actively working with Republicans to get on the ballot pretty much dashes the idea that you're doing this for any other reason than to get Bush reelected. Shame.
I do, however, disagree with the Democratic official who calls this move a dirty trick. There's no deceit here, the Republicans have made it very clear why they're helping Nader. And are we really surprised? Their party is full of wild-eyed radicals with only one thing on their mind, winning. Since they can't make any reasonable arguments for their policies, they have to resort to this. I'd almost feel sorry for moderates like Lincoln Chafee and Olympia Snowe, as well as principled conservatives like McCain and Pat Roberts, if they didn't let rabid ideologues like DeLay, Cheney, and Santorum call the shots, and give free rein to an incompetent administration that at best has no idea how to deal with terrorism and at worst is letting it occur in order to exploit the fear.
This could very well be your legacy, Ralph. I'd much rather it be the airbag.
You can just eat me.
I mean, I've defended you in the past (OK, I've said you're so beyond relevance you won't matter in the 2004 election, that's KIND OF defending you), but actively working with Republicans to get on the ballot pretty much dashes the idea that you're doing this for any other reason than to get Bush reelected. Shame.
I do, however, disagree with the Democratic official who calls this move a dirty trick. There's no deceit here, the Republicans have made it very clear why they're helping Nader. And are we really surprised? Their party is full of wild-eyed radicals with only one thing on their mind, winning. Since they can't make any reasonable arguments for their policies, they have to resort to this. I'd almost feel sorry for moderates like Lincoln Chafee and Olympia Snowe, as well as principled conservatives like McCain and Pat Roberts, if they didn't let rabid ideologues like DeLay, Cheney, and Santorum call the shots, and give free rein to an incompetent administration that at best has no idea how to deal with terrorism and at worst is letting it occur in order to exploit the fear.
This could very well be your legacy, Ralph. I'd much rather it be the airbag.
20 July 2004
Oh, Lord...
This is just wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Even more wrong than those pictures the Olsen twins insist on taking. More wrong than the Michael Douglas-Catherine Zeta-Jones marriage. Wrong. Ick. Yuck. Like it's not hard enough to continue to justify the world in which we live. Why? Can someone tell me why? I'm going to bed now...
This is just wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Even more wrong than those pictures the Olsen twins insist on taking. More wrong than the Michael Douglas-Catherine Zeta-Jones marriage. Wrong. Ick. Yuck. Like it's not hard enough to continue to justify the world in which we live. Why? Can someone tell me why? I'm going to bed now...
19 July 2004
Soooooooooooo jet-lagged...
I wanted my first Charleston post to be a fun-filled extravaganza filled with interesting facts, but check out the subject line.
Why don't you just look at the comments instead for well-written tidbits from kid oakland, shari, and Dave Shearon? Their blogs are better, too. C. Franz has been posting lately as well. I suck.
I wanted my first Charleston post to be a fun-filled extravaganza filled with interesting facts, but check out the subject line.
Why don't you just look at the comments instead for well-written tidbits from kid oakland, shari, and Dave Shearon? Their blogs are better, too. C. Franz has been posting lately as well. I suck.
14 July 2004
See ya wacky kids later...
My wife and I are strapping the luggage on the ol' station wagon for four fun-filled days in Charleston, where you can't walk down the street without someone kicking you in the shins with that dance. See you on Monday, and remember, terrorists want Bush to win in November!
My wife and I are strapping the luggage on the ol' station wagon for four fun-filled days in Charleston, where you can't walk down the street without someone kicking you in the shins with that dance. See you on Monday, and remember, terrorists want Bush to win in November!
12 July 2004
It's a good thing that Dick Cheney is a Halliburton Model X9-350 Flesh-Covered Automaton without the optional Emotion Consciousness upgrade...
Or this might have caused tension in his marriage...
Or this might have caused tension in his marriage...
11 July 2004
10 July 2004
Shut up, Flo. Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
Having ditched the telly, I can only get my Amazing Race fix vicariously now, but I still encourage those plugged in to check out what may be the single best entertainment product in the history of the universe. Of course, Amazing Race is the proud possessor of the absolute worst-behaved participant in the history of reality TV, Flo. Omarosa, you immediately retort? Don't make me laugh. Flo acted this way to her FRIEND, and FLO GOT A HALF A MILLION DOLLARS! Forget Chernyshevsky, forget nihilism, THIS is a valid argument one could present as evidence there is no God...deep breath. OK, I'm OK.
Anyway, friends and AR followers might like this article, where Flo and Zach seem to be at least getting a small fraction of their long overdue karma, and this one where Amazing Race is used to teach people how to travel well (hint 1: DON'T TAKE FLO!!!).
Having ditched the telly, I can only get my Amazing Race fix vicariously now, but I still encourage those plugged in to check out what may be the single best entertainment product in the history of the universe. Of course, Amazing Race is the proud possessor of the absolute worst-behaved participant in the history of reality TV, Flo. Omarosa, you immediately retort? Don't make me laugh. Flo acted this way to her FRIEND, and FLO GOT A HALF A MILLION DOLLARS! Forget Chernyshevsky, forget nihilism, THIS is a valid argument one could present as evidence there is no God...deep breath. OK, I'm OK.
Anyway, friends and AR followers might like this article, where Flo and Zach seem to be at least getting a small fraction of their long overdue karma, and this one where Amazing Race is used to teach people how to travel well (hint 1: DON'T TAKE FLO!!!).
09 July 2004
Go get 'im, Howie!
Dr. Howard "shouldhavebeendemnomineeifitweren'tforscumbagGephardtandKerryallrighti'llbegood" Dean will be debating Ralph Nader at 2 today. Say what you want about Ralphy boy (please do, you won't offend me) but he doesn't back down from a good fight. I'd love to listen to this live, too bad my work computer doesn't have a sound card. Maybe they did this on purpose so I wouldn't loaf around at the office.
Not that blogging at the office isn't, um, loafing, um, it's "communications"! Yeah, that's the ticket...
Have I mentioned how much I love my supervisor? ;)
Dr. Howard "shouldhavebeendemnomineeifitweren'tforscumbagGephardtandKerryallrighti'llbegood" Dean will be debating Ralph Nader at 2 today. Say what you want about Ralphy boy (please do, you won't offend me) but he doesn't back down from a good fight. I'd love to listen to this live, too bad my work computer doesn't have a sound card. Maybe they did this on purpose so I wouldn't loaf around at the office.
Not that blogging at the office isn't, um, loafing, um, it's "communications"! Yeah, that's the ticket...
Have I mentioned how much I love my supervisor? ;)
08 July 2004
Man, not only is our president a chickenshit...
...he's a crybaby as well.
Well, childhood has taught me what to do in situations like this. CRY, DUBYA! CRY, CRY, CRY, CRY, CRY, CRY...
...he's a crybaby as well.
Well, childhood has taught me what to do in situations like this. CRY, DUBYA! CRY, CRY, CRY, CRY, CRY, CRY...
06 July 2004
"Mr. President, can you spell the word 'cat'?"
Tim Russert, fair and balanced. Gotta love Tom Tomorrow (yes, you gotta)...
Tim Russert, fair and balanced. Gotta love Tom Tomorrow (yes, you gotta)...
Happy Birthday, Mr. President...
Hope you enjoy the present John Kerry's giving you, vacation time in November.
Hope you enjoy the present John Kerry's giving you, vacation time in November.
05 July 2004
Yay! More gambling!
Why make hard budget decisions when you can just legalize slot machines, right, state of Pennsylvania? I've always been torn on the subject, because I lurrrrve gambling (I consider my gambling problem to be I don't get to gamble often enough), but I'm not an idiot (despite popular opinion) and fully aware of the social ills associated with too much access to this sort of thing. Also, this slot-machines-in-racetracks way of going about it just strikes me as bullshit; if you're going to do it, open a fucking casino. With a poker parlor.
I'm wary of the cost-benefit analysis here; would I have voted for a property tax decrease knowning lives will be ruined as a result? Sigh, probably.
Why make hard budget decisions when you can just legalize slot machines, right, state of Pennsylvania? I've always been torn on the subject, because I lurrrrve gambling (I consider my gambling problem to be I don't get to gamble often enough), but I'm not an idiot (despite popular opinion) and fully aware of the social ills associated with too much access to this sort of thing. Also, this slot-machines-in-racetracks way of going about it just strikes me as bullshit; if you're going to do it, open a fucking casino. With a poker parlor.
I'm wary of the cost-benefit analysis here; would I have voted for a property tax decrease knowning lives will be ruined as a result? Sigh, probably.
04 July 2004
It's a loooooo-loooooooooooooo...
Here's a list of cartoons for the second Looney Tunes DVD set. I'm sure all the film majors are excited about "What's Opera, Doc?" finally making the cut, I'm personally excited about "Show Biz Bugs". There are maybe too many Tweety cartoons to my liking (I prefer the early homicidal Tweety to his cuter, later version) but this will still probably make my DVD collection (as well as make my wife's eyes roll)...
Here's a list of cartoons for the second Looney Tunes DVD set. I'm sure all the film majors are excited about "What's Opera, Doc?" finally making the cut, I'm personally excited about "Show Biz Bugs". There are maybe too many Tweety cartoons to my liking (I prefer the early homicidal Tweety to his cuter, later version) but this will still probably make my DVD collection (as well as make my wife's eyes roll)...
03 July 2004
Clarkton Bridge saved...
...thanks to some private donors.
And what better way to celebrate than to give cash to Al Weed? (Howdya like that segue? Subtle, huh?)
...thanks to some private donors.
And what better way to celebrate than to give cash to Al Weed? (Howdya like that segue? Subtle, huh?)
02 July 2004
Well, I GUESS it works...
Being bored and unhappy, I stumbled across this online translator which actually works in Russian; just for "fun" I ran the first sentence from the BBCRussian.com article on Marlon Brando's death to see how it came out in English. Here it is verbatim:
RIP, Marlon. Thanks to you, I'll never look at butter the same way again...
Being bored and unhappy, I stumbled across this online translator which actually works in Russian; just for "fun" I ran the first sentence from the BBCRussian.com article on Marlon Brando's death to see how it came out in English. Here it is verbatim:
" The Hollywood rebel " Brando has died in Los Angeles One of reformers of modern American film-school, has died in Los Angeles in the age of 80 years. It posesses the most well-known Hollywood roles.
RIP, Marlon. Thanks to you, I'll never look at butter the same way again...
01 July 2004
Screw Euro 2004...
This is a battle for the ages. I'm talking Dean-Nader, baby, the left-wing political debate equivalent of Holyfield-Tyson. Steamboat-Flair. Noble-good-guy-hardass/insane-maniac-but-no-less-a-hardass. Should be fun, and I'll be over at Wild Wing Cafe or whatever other sports bar that'll be televising this...
And if I may go over into Seinfeld mode for a sec, I was at the WWCafe watching the football championships and I'm a little offended by the "Chernobyl" wings offered on the menu. Is it a new trend to name wings after horrific atrocities? Did I just not notice the Armenian Genocide Wings or the Spanish Influenza Epidemic of 1918 Mozzarella Sticks? A little more sensitivity here, sports bar marketing departments...
This is a battle for the ages. I'm talking Dean-Nader, baby, the left-wing political debate equivalent of Holyfield-Tyson. Steamboat-Flair. Noble-good-guy-hardass/insane-maniac-but-no-less-a-hardass. Should be fun, and I'll be over at Wild Wing Cafe or whatever other sports bar that'll be televising this...
And if I may go over into Seinfeld mode for a sec, I was at the WWCafe watching the football championships and I'm a little offended by the "Chernobyl" wings offered on the menu. Is it a new trend to name wings after horrific atrocities? Did I just not notice the Armenian Genocide Wings or the Spanish Influenza Epidemic of 1918 Mozzarella Sticks? A little more sensitivity here, sports bar marketing departments...
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