Well, it can't make politics more of a circus...

I thought we were done with this guy. But he's running for governor.

And he's a libertarian. Of course he is.

But at least we can sell some more t-shirts out of this...

OK, now I'm starting to get a little nervous...

I think the best guarantee for Obama's reelection at this point is that there are really no viable opposition candidates. So the fact that they've found their most charismatic to date is a little cause for concern...

And after they all get together and pass the jobs bill, they can ride away on the rainbow-farting unicorns...

I'll freely admit I have no idea who this Daniel Gross guy is, but I think it's cute how he thinks the weak jobs report will spur legislators to action, as if the Republicans are interesting in doing anything except making sure the economy stays shitty so they can blame Obama for it.

Back to the doughnuts, Chrissypoo...

I'm not quite sure why Christiemania lasted so long; oh, I understand that no Republican wants Mitt Romney, but Christie would have crashed and burned on a .5 Trump scale. And the fact that he wasn't a complete asshole 100% of the time meant he was doomed in the Republican primary anyway.

So onto...maybe Fred Thompson should try again?

Oh, sweet, sweet, nerdgasm...

The new announcement of the Kindle Fire has just sent me all ashudder with quivering want. I don't even know everything it does yet, I just see "iPad for a third of the price". I've said it before, but I'M NOT MADE OF STONE, PEOPLE! DON'T YOU JUDGE ME!

I want this item, in all its Jetsonsesque glory, in my hands so that I may more easily forget about the plight of the suffering of the world around me...

On second thought, feel free to judge me.

Wow, Krugman even kinda likes it?

Good enough for me. Now to start calling my congressman...

And maybe we should sent this book to Hurt, just in case...

As if a million nerds cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced...

Allow me to join the outrage that Lucas is fucking with Jedi on the Blu-Ray re-release, and on perhaps the single most iconic scene within that movie. I really don't care so much about the other changes, and making Yoda CGI in Phantom Menace is actually an improvement, but no, I don't want these movies, and Lucas just saved me ninety bucks.

Looking at some of the extras, it's amazing to me how much Lucas has deteriorated as a screenwriter and filmmaker. For example, there's this deleted scene from Revenge of the Sith, as Obi-Wan discovers that Anakin has turned and has been forced by Yoda to confront him...


OBI-WAN KENOBI
I beg of you, Master Yoda, let me fight the Emperor, please don't send me to fight Anakin.

YODA
Sorry, Obi-Wan, but too strong the Emperor is...

OBI-WAN
Master...

YODA
Make you his bitch he would...

OBI-WAN
What?

YODA
Pussy you are. See how Force you my bitch makes...

OBI-WAN
OUCH, OW! HEY, STOP IT!

YODA
Hitting yourself cease, hitting yourself cease...

OBI-WAN
Fine, you made your point...

YODA
Afraid I am that Force you fully comprehend not. So blow me you must.

OBI-WAN
Oh no bloody fuckin' way, mateUUUUURRRRRRRRPPPPP!

YODA
Through the Force a Jedi's strength flows, just as down your esophagus my load will soon flow. Yes, yes, teeth you use not...
--

Well, the dialogue ends there, but the scene goes on for eight more minutes. I think we can all agree that Lucas really needs to stop his self-indulgence.

Check out Inessa Telefus on the radio today!

I would be horribly remiss if I didn't mention how the gorgeous and brilliant Inessa would be sharing her insights on the "Speaking Forward" program today at 2. The webpage has a "Listen Live" link on the right so you can stream it. A perfect warm-up to your tailgating party!

How DARE he talk about jobs! The nerve...

And let's not pretend this scheduling kerfluffle is about anything more than sticking it to the prez.

Chr*st, don't you just want to smash Boehner's face with a shovel? IT CAN'T JUST BE ME...

Can we please stop having earthquakes?

I slept through this one; my wife said "we just had another earthquake!" and I was like "you mean another aftershock?" and she was like "NO. An earthquake!"

And I can't wait for the next round of interminable mocking from the West Coast. "Ooooooh, that was what, a 4.5? We use THOSE earthquakes to get the salt off the top shelf in the pantry! When those hit, we stick our hands down our pants and let the earth serve as a natural vibrator!"

Hope everyone's fine...

...it was just a li'l rumble. In my office, people didn't start freaking out until after it was over.

I call this piece "A Walk in the Woods"...

"Ah, isn't it great just to get out, away from it all?"
"As long as we're back in time for the game..."
"Oh, boy! Look at this, a buttercup! Who likes butter? Do youuuuuu? Do you like butter?"
"OK, OK, stop it, you're sticking it in my eye. Take it down a notch will you?"
"WOW! I didn't know this grew down here! It's banana-bamboo!"
"What the hell's that?"
"Here, I'll break off a piece. Now, let me just get my penknife. Notice how quickly the wood is formed into a razor-sharp point? And if you just poke..."
"DAAAAAAH! HOLY JESUS! YOU JUST STABBED ME! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?"
"Ha ha! You said, 'ow!' That means you like bananas!"
"No, that means you stabbed me through the leg, you fucking dick! And...holy shit, my leg's going numb! What the...what did you do? I'm...getting cold."
"Yeah, that's something, the wood has an oil that is also a natural neurotoxin, helps protect it against weevils. Isn't it great how nature does that? OH MY WORD, I don't believe it! Tickle-thistles! You know, if you take the flowers, grind them in a mortar and pestle and add just enough water to form a cement-like paste which you then use to plug somebody's mouth and nostrils, and they twitch, it means they're ticklish! Good thing I brought my mortar and pestle with me!"
"Insane...you're insane...must get away...too slow...numb...scared..."
"Come on, this is fun! Oh, stop squirming! Oh oh, I know who's ticklish now! Yep, it's certainly nice to just take a moment to reflect on some of Nature's most fantastic creations! OK, let's get back, the game's going to start soon...hey, why aren't you moving? C'mon, let's get going! Coochee coochee coo..."

Double shocked, shocked, I tell you...

I didn't find anything really "surprising" about these findings at all beyond the framing of the headline. I mean, atheists are hated? What did they ever do to anybody?

But after reading this sentence:

--
"[Tea Party members] are overwhelmingly white, but even compared to other white Republicans, they had a low regard for immigrants and blacks long before Barack Obama was president, and they still do"...
--

All I could think was this:

At the Downtown Mall for lunch? Say hi to our congressman!

That's right, Rep. Hurt is actually going to be out in public today, from 12 to 1:30.

And good for him for being there. Seriously. I mean, I don't think he's been anywhere near as good as his predecessor in terms of performance or constituent service, but I certainly won't fault him for presenting himself to his constituents. And I hope the people of Charlottesville come out to politely discuss their ideas with him...

Thanks, Sarah!

It's been two days since I've written on this blog, so thanks for giving me subject matter by being stupid and annoying!

It's even more cute that some people think the truth matters...

...as the New York Times here. Of course, in the real world their proposed compromise would make a lot of sense (let the middle class tax break continue until the end of 2013, let the upper bracket cuts expire now). But we know that there is no way in holy hell the Repubs are going to strike any sort of deal and will be more than happy to put the onus on Obama to let the whole thing expire.

Which is, of course, exactly what he should do. But as long as one side is more than happy to threaten the country with an economic meltdown, like it or not, they're always going to have Obama over a barrel. I hope the manic progressives realize that the reason we're having these problems isn't because Obama hasn't been eating his Wheaties, it's because THE TEA PARTY IS FUCKING INSANE.

Awwww, the Tea Party's so cute when it's trying not to sound idiotic.

This unbalanced article has some more of the usual idiocies from Hurt and no real information about how the job situation in our district is being completely ignored by him, so I'm just going to skip to the bottom of the article where the Tea Party tries to pretend they matter:

--
Danville Tea Party Chairman Darriel Burnett said he did not like an increase to the debt ceiling.

...But now that the debt limit has been raised he hopes that other leaders in Congress push toward decreased spending, otherwise the group will throw its support elsewhere.

“If they think the Tea Party is upset now,” said Burnett. “Just wait.”
--

Just so you know, you're never going to beat Hurt with a challenge from the right. Ever. I think even Hurt knows that.

Because they'll never ever do it again...er, not until the next time...

Well, the manufactured crisis has been averted, yay. And before the manic progressives get in a tizzy, the choices were a shitty settlement or total economic meltdown. Left with that, I'm glad we went with the former. But Barry O.'s always going to be over a barrel when one side's ready to blow everything up. If you got a problem with that, well, you should have voted last year.

This DOES leave me wondering, however, how is the Tea Party going to react to our own congressdoofus, Robert Hurt, voting yes on the debt bill? Will they hiss, and rage, and scream and cry because they wanted to eat their Sam's Club Dehydrated Rations in their survivalist bunkers? Will we have the opportunity to taste their sweet, sweet tears? Or will they show themselves to be the useful idiots Hurt obviously thinks they are?

C'mon, guys, what're you going to do? Make those signs! Sputter incoherently on street corners! Wear those goofy costumes!

Today's news, in sonnet. (Impending doom edition.)

Our world is coming to an end
'cause the Repubs are insane.
What made them go so 'round the bend?
Let's listen to Mr. Caine.

Goodbye, Amy. What a voice.
And I must say, what a waste.
Wonder if you get a choice
along with that first showbiz taste.

To our next ex-congressman
I say good riddance, and what nerve.
Couldn't have picked a worse time when
you showed us you're such a perv.

So the world ends. Well, I'll say
at least there won't be Michael Bay.

For all the good it's going to do, I did it anyway...

Yep, called Robert Hurt's office again to tell the congressman to stop wasting the American people's time with these ridiculous balanced budget amendment votes. Just like before, the aide was polite and spent an inordinate amount of time getting my address right, so you may as well call, since they don't seem interested in starting arguments.

I did note in my call that I understood that the congressman's line may have been inundated with Tea Party calls but that they were probably disproportionately large compared to the makeup of his district. Given the congressman's not-always-lovey-dovey relationship with the 'baggers, it might be something to mention.