Today's news, in sonnet. (Impending doom edition.)

Our world is coming to an end
'cause the Repubs are insane.
What made them go so 'round the bend?
Let's listen to Mr. Caine.

Goodbye, Amy. What a voice.
And I must say, what a waste.
Wonder if you get a choice
along with that first showbiz taste.

To our next ex-congressman
I say good riddance, and what nerve.
Couldn't have picked a worse time when
you showed us you're such a perv.

So the world ends. Well, I'll say
at least there won't be Michael Bay.

Today's news, in sonnet.

All that shit and Trump's not running?
Who will be our racist jerk?
Ah, for that spot Newt is gunning.
C'mon, Romney, get to work!

Huckabee is out as well?
Damn you Michael, straight to hell!
You might think privacy's swell,
but some of us have shirts to sell!

Hawking says no afterlife
And we will all just die some day
Relax, Christians, stop the strife
What's he, some smart guy, anyway?

Hey nerds, PSN is working!
Let's wipe our hands and stop the jerking!

Today's news, in sonnet.

Repub Congress throwing tantrums
instead of doing actual work?
Used to be the inner sanctums
where they'd hold the circle jerk.

Auntie Joan says Fox is hatin'
'cause she gave Sarah a peltin'.
Ask me, I think they're just waitin'
until they're sure Joan stops her meltin'.

No more Globes for Ricky G.?
Will this doom his film career?
You're telling me we'll never see
That Ghost Town sequel? Well, oh dear.

Not a sonnet to the letter?
Brother always did it better.

Today's news, in sonnet.

Siding blindly with the Russkies
used to get the traitor's noose.
With the Repubs, no big whoop-ski
if it cooks the black guy's goose.

Amazing epic Iggles comeback
leaves all Giants fans to say
"Biggest punch straight to our nutsacks
'cept for all the games they've played."

Pundits all pontificate
on what Sarah's words could mean.
With Google English I can translate
"Duh duh duh duh durr durr deen."

Clean or stinky, large or small,
Happy holidays to all!

Today's news, in sonnet.

Prez Obama freezing wages?
For the budget, that's no spanner.
Next time just tell Boehner's pages
not to spend so much on tanner.

Leslie had us all in stitches
from ages eight to eighty-five.
RIP, and the world bitches
"Damn it, Dane Cook's still alive."

Gift for Christie from the feds,
a multi-million dollar bill.
Guv's not worried, 'cause he spends
more for lunch at Slop N' Swill.

Sorry bro, I meant a tribute.
This post takes it up the dirt chute.