Today's news, in sonnet.

All that shit and Trump's not running?
Who will be our racist jerk?
Ah, for that spot Newt is gunning.
C'mon, Romney, get to work!

Huckabee is out as well?
Damn you Michael, straight to hell!
You might think privacy's swell,
but some of us have shirts to sell!

Hawking says no afterlife
And we will all just die some day
Relax, Christians, stop the strife
What's he, some smart guy, anyway?

Hey nerds, PSN is working!
Let's wipe our hands and stop the jerking!