*sigh* Yes, I know I'm 34...

And I know it's sad...

But I really want one of these...

I've been following the E3 coverage and there has hardly been anything that hasn't sent me into multiple nerdgasms...

And just when you think you've been completely drained by the news, they tease you with The Holy Grail of Videogames.

I'm blanking, is there a word that combines strong desire with intense self-loathing?