Adhering to today's standards of crappy journalism...

As of noon today, I shit you not, this was a headline on cnn.com:

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Crappy grades get minority kids acceptance
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They've already changed it to "lousy", but is there something wrong with "poor"?

My friend showed me clips from the film Idiocracy last night, I'm starting to think Mike Judge was optimistic...

Way to go, Marty!

I'm certainly applauding the fact Scorsese won his first Oscar. So what if it's for his lifetime achievements? It's not as egregious as Paul Newman's award for The Color of Money. And The Departed was the best of the nominated films that I saw...

Granted, the only other one I had seen was Little Miss Sunshine.

And when I heard that film got nominated, all I could think was "Really? That was one of the best five films of the year? In the world?" And I liked it. It was a good film was some nice performances. And it also had the advantage of being sweet while touching on some difficult issues. But...Oscar? Well, maybe for the kid and Steve Carell (and OK, Arkin), but if that was the best of the year I may as well stop going to film festivals.

As for The Departed, well, from the technical standpoint The Aviator and Gangs were better DIRECTED films, but when you see that first tracking shot into the Boston diner you know you're watching a fucking Scorsese film, and it's AWESOME. And with too many great performances to count, well, it's been in our DVD player for the last two weeks, and will probably get more plays than Casino, despite the fact that the film doesn't take place in a casino...

How nice of your wife to fight for you, Mitt...

In this article about Romney's position concerning multiple wives (he's against them! How progressive!) I enjoyed this li'l zinger...

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This month, Ann Romney tried a different tack, taking a lighthearted jab at her husband's main Republican competitors, Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., and former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani, as she introduced Romney at a Missouri GOP dinner.

The biggest difference between her husband and the other candidates, Ann Romney said, is that "he's had only one wife."

McCain has been married twice; Giuliani three times.
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Ha ha, how lighthearted! That wacky Mitt, tweaking his competitors' painful divorces! Oh, I'm sorry, I meant, getting his wife to do it for him! That lovable scamp! I'm sure Johnny Mac and Rudy G. had a good chuckle. Hope Ann's there to protect Mitt when they meet at their first debate...

You said it, bro...

As a resident of VA-5, I don't honestly expect much from Virgil Goode, but I would appreciate a good faith effort on his part to stop saying incredibly stupid shit. At least Tancredo's hysterical xenophobia doesn't include Archie-Bunker-style malaprops...

Retail and restaurant workers everywhere, here comes Nevsky with his new arsenal!

One of my many oh-so-annoying affectations was the insistence on using Sacagawea dollars far past their prime. I loved the idea of a dollar coin and thought the Sac-dolls were awesome, but always wondered to myself if the government were truly interested in having them become mainstream, why they didn't simply put George Washington on them.

Well, here they are! I can't wait to stock up for use in tips and home poker game payouts! Everyone who has an occasion to exchange legal tender w/me better get used to them as well, and my crystal meth dealer will probably need to use his fifth jeans pocket...

Just kidding, he doesn't wear pants...

I had no idea Ben Affleck was in the Cure...

Our president is a six-year-old.

Apparently he actually said this:

Yesterday, I went to the Caterpillar plant in Peoria, Illinois -- that's where they make big bulldozers.

I can only assume they edited out "...and they go VROOOOOOOM!!!!"