If we can't believe in astronaut diapers, what CAN we believe in??

It's been almost a decade and people still believe that Bill Clinton stopped traffic in LAX to get his hair cut, or that Al Gore actually said he invented the Internet.

But, by golly, our crackerjack media is all up on top of the astronaut diaper myth.

I think I'll go soak in a hot tub...

I'd buy an iPhone, but...

...I don't have a cell phone, and don't want one.

I don't have an iPod, and don't want one.

So for six hundred, maybe I can just feed the poor, or get two more Wiis...

I may get my nerd pass revoked for this, but...

The Transformers movie? I just don't get the whole thing...

I mean, they're robots, right? Fighting other robots. Why should we give a shit? And the whole transforming thing, it's cool, but, what's the purpose? Does that disguise fool anyone? You walk through twenty or so miles of robot-related carnage and the end of it is this huge truck snickering to itself in a robot-like monotone "no one will see through my clever disguise". I'm sure CmdrSue or sixthdoctor will be happy to explain why I'm wrong...

At least everyone agrees that Michael Bay sucks...

Hey, everybody, Mitt Romney's an UNBELIEVABLE asshole!

I understand that National Lampoon's Vacation is a popular film, but emulating it might not be the best way to pick up votes.

To me, the scariest part is he THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA.

This blog is now all sophistimicated and shit...

After the Trojan post, now GoogleAds promoting Trojan-brand condoms are popping up. And the firm promises "fast, descreet shipping" so you KNOW that's a firm in whose hands you can place your jimmy!

Well, not literally, but...

How sad...

I'll be the first to admit that I have no overbearing concern about the safety of amusement park rides, and I only tend to avoid them because I'm a coward. Still, this incident seems beyond the pale. That poor girl.

I think we can all agree that amusement park malfunctions aren't funny unless Fabio gets smashed in the face.

UPDATE: CNN.com just put up a poll question, "Are you concerned about the safety of amusement park rides?" Well, I fucking am now! Nice scientific poll you got there...

It's Marketing 101, people...

The libs are all up in arms about this condom ad being rejected by Fox and CBS because it seems to promote the idea of condoms for pregnancy prevention rather than disease prevention.

The real problem for the fine people at Trojan, however, is that the commercial doesn't work. Yes, it's clever, but it doesn't speak to the kids. Fortunately, jimmy hat executives, Nevsky's got yer back! Because everyone knows that there's nothing more popular with the kids than legendary pop-jazz vocal combo Manhattan Transfer, whom I've once again flew in at tremendous personal expense to record a catchy new jingle:

"Saturated with loathing? Full of self-hate?
Wish to joylessly masturbate?
Don't stain the sheets in your parents' basement with your milky jizz;
Just cover your undersized pecker with a Trojan-brand condom so you can go back to playing WoW addled with guilt, you loser!"

I expect to be compensated according to standard Writers' Guild guidelines...

I didn't like The Sopranos finale...

...I mean, really, the whole series was just some autistic kid's dream? Kind of a copout if you ask me...

Even more fun than Scrabble today...

...has been reading the comments on Time's blog post concerning Joe Klein's ridiculous conflation of Paris Hilton and Scooter Libby. Trust me, it makes even less sense if you actually read it, just go to the comments for a larf (the first one was the best, btw).

It's pop music...from THE FUTURE!

Dammit.

Count me among the many who are saddened to hear about Steve Gilliard's passing...

This is why, this is why, this is why I'm Nevsky's Top Ten...

10) Rogue Wave, "Publish My Love"
9) Mai Yamane, "Blue"
8) Mims, "This Is Why I'm Hot"
7) Sprites, "I Love You, You Retard"
6) Sting, "I Hung My Head"
5) The Fall, "Ten Houses Of Eve"
4) Bob Dylan, "Mississippi"
3) Bob Mould, "Reflecting Pool"
2) Graham Coxon, "Freakin' Out"
1) Elvis Costello, "Man Out Of Time"

Good to see Mark E. Smith looking so spry...

Attention all nerds! Set your nerd alerts to NERD!!

Starcraft 2 is on its way. That sounds a lot more fun than non-masturbatory ejaculating...

Well, the votes are in, Jimborino!

And according to the latest polling (as of the time of this post), Gov. Gilmore, your positive rating is...four percent.

Um, yeesh, well, if that douchebag Brit Hume didn't keep you all from praising Falwell before the debate, you would've hit six! Easily!! Keep your head up, Jimmy! Jimbo! Jimmyjim...jim...jo-jo...junior...shabadoo...

OK Jimmy, it's game time!

As even your website accurately points out, Jimmy boy, you've got another debate tonight in South Carolina. I guess your web administrator should have typed in something instead of "More details to follow", but what's details, anyway, in a presidential campaign? Sure, the last debate clearly put you in the top ten, but you've got to do something to break clear of the pack tonight.

And I've got a little advice; Jerry Falwell died this afternoon, maybe you should mention something about that...yeah, like your press release, that's good, "valued supporter of mine", I mean, it's not like he can correct you or anything...

Wait a minute, FIVE BUCKS? I've been undercharging...

In an example of investigative journalism at its finest, our local weekly delved into the underground market to find out what...um, entertainment goes for in our fair city...

Hey, fake diplomas for $200? Sounds like a deal to me...

Invisible airwaves crackle with Nevsky's Top Ten...

10) Billy Bragg, "Sexuality"
9) The Sprites, "I Love You, You Retard"
8) Blink 182, "Adam's Song"
7) Canibus, "Poet Laureate II"
6) Fleetwood Mac, "Seven Wonders"
5) John Rzeznik, "I'm Still Here (Jim's Theme)"
4) The Fall, "Ten Houses of Eve"
3) Graham Coxon, "Freakin' Out"
2) Rush, "Far Cry"
1) Elvis Costello, "Man Out of Time"

The critics all agree, Jimmy!

From Time.com to John Podhertz, it was your best performance, ever! In anything!

The above line is not sarcasm, btw...

Gilmoremania's running wild!!

Our former governor entered the race last week, no doubt planning to do for America what he did for the state of Virginia, that is, run it into the ground. This blog post notes that Gilmore will participate in Thursday's first GOP candidate debate, at least if he doesn't read his own website:
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Gilmore’s Web site current (sic)has the debate as happening on Saturday, so let’s hope he shows up on time.
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THAT's the Jimmy I remember! Good to have you back, gov!