8 Bits O' Nevsky - Impulse Control edition

With the arrival of BlazBlue this week and Metroid: Other M already on pre-order from Amazon and due to arrive at the end of August, I'm going to do my best to go the whole month without actually buying anything new. So this blog is about the games I'm going to miss.

* The DS is the go-to unit for old-school RPGs, so all the retro gamers are going nuts over Dragon Quest IX. And this series, somehow, missed me completely, so I'm not really hit with the retro pangs. Final Fantasy III and Chrono Trigger were already disappointments anyway. Actually, The World Ends With You pretty much killed any tolerance I had for turn-based combat and random encounters by being the single best fucking game on the DS, and maybe this entire console generation.

* Didn't buy Starcraft II. Probably won't. I don't know why I missed both of them, probably because my haphazard computer ownership meant at the time the first one came out I didn't have a machine capable of running it. Even though I really don't desire either game, I do consider not having played them a character flaw...

* The Nintendo 3DS may actually come out this holiday season, but...oh, who the fuck am I kidding? I am SO buying the shit out of that.

Robert Hurt: Pro-fringe, Anti-accountability

I think this illustrates the difference between our current congressman, Tom Perriello, and his opponent, Robert "HURT U.S. CONGRESS! It's in his name, people!" Hurt.

The Congressman is going to conduct twenty town hall meetings all over the district in August.

Hurt is going to meet the Lynchburg Tea Party in an event closed to the media.

I don't think it is the least bit partisan to say that Congressman Perriello has been a welcome change from Virgil Goode in terms of accessibility and constituent service. It would be nice to hear his opponents acknowledge this as well.

Ten hottest Dr. Who companions? Well, he's close.

But the answer is (in chronological order): Dodo, Jo, Sarah Jane, Leela, 1st Romana, Peri, Rose, Captain Jack, Martha, Amy.

And to the commenters in that article who bemoaned the absence of Nyssa and Tegan, well, maybe if they changed their clothes once in a while they'd be higher up the list...

You can't argue with results...but you can certainly try to hide them.

And it seems that's what McDonnell is doing...

The sad thing is the way things are looking in November this is probably going to work...

This is why memory is kind, or, "Nice hair, Glenn..."

This article on the Squeeze reunion led me to reminisce about one of my fave albums from my high school years, Cosi Fan Tutti Frutti, which I realize is considered an aberration by Squeeze fans but was the only one of theirs I really liked (the next one was OK but my interest quickly faded). I remember being taken in by "Hits of The Year" once on MTV and immediately running out to get the cassette.

So once again, foregoing my rule, I sought out the video. Holy fucking shit.



The hair, the dancing (I hope the boys are taking the piss here), the stock footage. There are more bad choices in this video than my entire time in college. And I'm including the clothes.

Once I clean my eyes with limestone and salt, I'll be quick to re-download the album. I still love that song.

But let this be a lesson to all of you looking to re-experience the pleasant memories you associate with childhood. DON'T!

OK, there's a new BP chief...

...and if the political world has taught me anything, it means the Gulf oil spill is Dudley's fault. And Obama's, of course...

Sarah wins another big presidential poll!

Sure, it's one from the Great Orange Satanists about who they want to face Obama, but c'mon, a headline's a headline!

And I thought it was gracious of Palin to provide a press release:

In the 13th hierarchical city, Kagutsuchi, the Librarium regulates the amazing power of Armagus, a fusion of magic and technology. Currently they are after a wanted criminal named Ragna The Bloodedge, also known as Death, who wants to destroy the Librarium. Due to Ragna possessing a powerful form of Armagus known as the Azure Grimoire, people far and wide are after not only his bounty, but his grimoire as well. This is where our story begins.

Oh wait, sorry, that's the opening from BlazBlue. You can understand my confusion, the rhetorical styles are similar.

Wishful thinking aside (and be MOTHERFUCKING CAREFUL about what you wish for) there's no doubt in my mind that Palin would love to RUN for president, I'm just not convinced she'd want to BE president. Why do a job that's twenty times the work for one-twentieth the pay?

Anyway, she's probably busy preparing for her cameo in Kate Plus 8. Still not sure who's doing the slumming in that one...

8 Bits O' Nevsky - button mashing edition

For someone who really stinks at fighting games, they sure seem to be on my radar...

* Watching that EVO Championship fight inspired me to go back to Tatsunoko vs. Capcom and get my online rating up from "Ace" to "Champ" (which I think is like the 8th lowest rank out of about 50 or so). Saying this game is the best fighting game on the Wii is basically saying it's better than Super Smash Bros. Brawl and damning it with faint praise. The game gets my heart racing in a way even the excellent Super Street Fighter IV can't. And although I know there was concern about its accessibility when Capcom released it, the nostalgia factor was a big plus for me, since I'm old enough to remember Battle Of The Planets and relished the possibility of recreating Whirlwind Pyramid...

Of course, the combo is so complex that I managed to pull it off exactly once.

* I've also had enough saved on my Amazon account to pick up BlazBlue: Continuum Shift; which is releasing this week. The only things I know about this game all that the series is well-regarded in the fighting community and that it looks fucking gorgeous. Good enough for me, but I still may invest in the big strategy guide.

* And I never got into the Marvel vs. Capcom series and was on the fence on the new one. But they had me at Amaterasu. So I never really whore my website Amazon links but feel free to click on one between now and next April...

* In fact, with two different Street Fighter/Tekken crossovers coming down in the future, feel free to click twice. I really should find a less expensive and more dignified habit, like meth...

Can you even bet gold bars and apocalypse garden seeds?

I've already mentioned how The Scarecrow and Pumpkinhead Show is going to drag Atlantic City down in the gutter, but talk about doubling down on the crazy. Frickin' Glenn BECK?!? How dare you sully that venue a mere week after The sainted Fixx are going to play?

And Bill, what the hell are you doing slumming with THAT nutbag? Bill, Bill, we used to be friends! Call me, we'll crack open a jar of spiderman applesauce and reminisce...

Gosh it's hot...

And after a week or two where it actually dipped down into the low 90s, we're back to the soul-sucking triple digits that make going outside an act of borderline insanity.

One nice thing we discovered this summer, I've been taking my daughter to the remade Forest Hills Park and the water park they've put up is amazing. For a three-year-old, that looks like Disneyworld. Sure beats the sprinkler park where I was growing up; that thing ran twice a year, and it was usually there to collect broken glass for the kids to play with...

Robert Hurt: Anti-Jobs, Pro-Deficit.

I guess doubling down on the crazy is a good way to win in this district, because Hurt met with our local baggers (man, I feel dirty just including that link) to ensure them he wouldn't lift a finger to help his constituents. He'd vote against a stimulus package like the one that's created 3 million jobs, and vote for repealing health care reform, which would add $100 billion to the deficit. And the Tea Party loves this, for some reason.

Because really, what more could you expect from a man whose placards read "HURT U.S. CONGRESS"?

No, I'm not selling merkin bleach...

...this is the reason I've been yelling "BOXLEITNER!!"



This can't be as good as it looks, and what has me filling my pants with ooey gooey nerdcreme is I've always wanted a sequel to Tron. But not the actual movie, which is actually fucking boring despite a couple of awesome set pieces. No, this looks like it's going to be bringing the great parts of the movie, basically the concept and Jeff Bridges, and actually sustaining an interesting narrative with even more fabulous set pieces. And even more Jeff Bridges.

Christ, I need to sit down...after I change my pants.

Leveling up to 8 Bits O' Nevsky...

* Demon's Souls are keeping their servers running for at least seven more months - I should be about 42% finished with the game by then. Wait a minute, the game's on Pure White Tendency now? Well fuck this blogging shit, I got to get back on because I might finally have a chance to beat the Maneater.

* Thanks to the GameStop sale and a previous trade, I managed to snag Final Fantasy XIII for sixteen bucks. I don't know why. The only FF game I've ever beaten was the first one. The VERY first one. And the DS cartridge of Final Fantasy III sits on my shelf and taunts me, knowing that Luneth and his friends will never win that stupidly impossible final battle.

* As much as I like a good narrative and a cheap joke, there's a pretty simple, obvious reason Tiger Woods 11 is crashing the SUV compared to last year. Tiger Woods 10, the first one to use WiiMotion Plus, is awesome. Why bother with a new one, when you're going to have to wait for Tiger Woods 12 for the improved John Daly stats...

Jesus Christ, when is this guy going to DO something?

Fine you signed Wall Street reform into law.

Oh, and the most ambitious health care reform law ever.

Oh, and a stimulus package that created 3 million jobs.

All in the first 20 months of your presidency.

Now can you stop playing poker with ACORN guys joking about how to stick it to whitey and do something that helps Americans?

Commander Sue's latest endeavor...

Hey, I know I'm a bit behind on the hottest new blogs, but you can understand. You take a hiatus from blogging to go away for eight months on a secret time-travel experiment, witnessing horrors not meant to be seen by even the most damned of souls, you're going to miss some things. So imagine my delight when I found out my bestest blogging buddy, CmdrSue, has a funky fresh blog devoted to upcoming authors!

So go check out Writing Insight now. Xrdatasqyrk demands it.

As a degenerate gambler, this offends me.

While driving down the New Jersey Turnpike on the way home from a long weekend, I noticed that Ann Coulter and James Carville were making a joint appearance at the Atlantic City Hilton, and as a big fan of the dear city, I found it annoying.

My first thought was that Coulter and Carville were both the worst representations of their respective political spectrums but then it occurred to me that Coulter's borderline-treasonous feces-throwing-mango-fucking-gorilla-bullshit-batshit insanity has actually been rendered rather quaint and old-fashioned by the new representatives of the hard right, like a pair of tinfoil pantaloons. Carville, of course, is still as fucking annoying as ever, but should still be certainly effective of getting in a couple of shivs on Obama while he has the chance.

But I shudder at thought of hard-working Americans actually blowing up to 150 (!) bucks on The Scarecrow and Pumpkinhead Show when they could be doing something noble with that dough, like blowing it on the table to poker grinders or running it through that awesome Monopoly slot machine.

Because pointing out racists are racist is racist...

Our ol' buddy Mark Williams went back for a second helping of the white victimization buffet and turned out a letter so ridiculous that he actually got fired as the Tea Party Express spokesman and probably even made Mel Gibson say "whoa, buddy, you need a little self-control". Another man victimized by the racist NAACP!

I admit, I was shocked. First, I didn't realize that this was a paid position from which you got fired; secondly, previous dogwhistles were so obvious that it wasn't too far a step from what these guys have produced, but I guess the barest smidgen of plausible deniability is necessary to enable the fake outrage that occurs once these guys are invariably called on it.

Still, there are questions open for debate. Like, which of Williams' fingers do you think was pre-slickened on his anal insertion glove, ready for action while his other hand lovingly cupped his testicles as he was dictating his letter with the help of Dragon Naturally Speaking software for Windows 7?

I'm guessing the ring finger. With the ring still on, of course.

8 Bits O' Nevsky - Microsoft sucks edition

It was very disappointing to hear from bro that Microsoft was putting the kibosh on 1 vs. 100 Live. I was surprised to hear it; I thought it was doing well, I mean, it was doing well, I don't even think that was the issue.

When I was looking at non-Wii consoles, the PS3 was a no-brainer. Demon's Souls and Uncharted 2 were the exclusives I absolutely had to try, and I did not give a rat's tush about Halo or Mass Effect. But playing 1 v. 100 Live at my buddy's house was the first time I felt the XBox console gave a must-play experience that justified its purchase, indeed justified its fifty-bucks-on-top-of-the-console experience. Without it the XBox becomes far less desirable,since its free service is horrible compared to the PS3's (which is no great shakes but very nice for free). Heck, even the Wii will give you two-player games for free. For fifty bucks a year I'd have expected 1 vs. 100 to be the rule, not the one exception Microsoft felt they can't afford anymore.

Really, without it, what part of XBox Live is worth fifty bucks?

Another edition of Ceee-lebrity Ceee-corner...

* I do feel for Whoopi, I do. It must be hard when one of your friends turns out to be batshit insane. But I'm compelled to point out two things: even if Oksana is a golddigger, she doesn't deserve to have her teeth knocked out, she deserves to be the subject of a cautionary EPMD video. And can we really take Whoopi's opinions seriously, given her past judgment?

And if you think this post is nothing more than an obvious excuse to post an EPMD video and bring up that dinosaur movie again, well, duh.

* And I know there's more tapes of the crazy, but I'm still invoking the Human Centipede Rule, though I need to change the name of that Rule because it brings up unpleasant images each time I invoke it.

* Pervo Polanski stays in Europe. I'm sure, somehow, it's Obama's fault.

Time fer 8 Bits O' Nevsky!

That's right, my new semi-regular feature where I blog about my videogame habit! It's fresh! It's hip! It's in your face with a moderate whiff of desperation!

* Via Kotaku, the remake of Haunted House impresses me more for its reinvention of a retro property than any real desire to play the games. The article is more nifty for me for the comments it inspired about the old videogames that used to scare the sh*t out of its players. What I always found odd was the game Adventure, where, if you got killed, you didn't get a "game over" screen, you just festered in the belly of a dragon, now stationary and presumably satiated. If you waited long enough, the black bat would invariably pick you up and take you on a tour of the world, allowing you to see beyond the barriers you came across in the game (and of course, there was the special "dot" Easter egg). Then, just as dispassionately, it would drop you off in a new area, leaving you to slowly digest as time passed...and passed...

* I don't know why I insist on buying fighting games; I stink at them and clearly lack the reflexes of the masters, now one-third my age and quick to pwn me online. Witness this championship video of Tatsunoko vs. Capcom. It's good to be robbed of all illusions that I will ever, ever, be any good at this game, my online "Ace" rating notwithstanding. LOVE the commentators as well...



* I'm vacillating between Joe Danger and Deathspank as a new PSN purchase. Danger's been getting the better reviews, but the game seems to be the most fun in multiplayer, while my preferred method of play is usually single. Deathspank looks to be goofy in that Castle Crashers/'Splosion Man sort of play, but a 2D hack'n'slasher with light puzzle and RPG elements seems right up my alley. Still, I'm loathe to invest in a new PS3 game until I get through the four sticking points in Demon's Souls that have consumed the last fifteen hours of playtime.