And now, that insightful commentary my discerning readers have come to expect from yours truly. Today's topic: Bush's latest poll numbers.
No fucking shit. He sucks.
16 April 2006
My name is Nevsky, and I will be your guide on this musical journey...
Nothing better to do, so why not just comment on the songs as they play on my personal Launchcast Plus (tm) radio station? In their "tell us what you like and we'll play you what you think you like" system, only a zero removes a song from a playlist completely. Fifty means the song's in medium rotation, and anything over 80 is probably going to get played as soon as you turn the damn thing on again (unrated songs have either shown up for the first time or I was too lazy to rate 'em).
Here we go...
Oasis - "All Around the World" (rating: 90 out of 100)
Aaaaah, a nice one. And one of the only two songs that are worth a damn on their album-length tribute to cocaine, Be Here Now ("Don't Go Away" is the other one, but anyone who's listened to the album more than twice could have told you that). That album killed their career, but this song was a good coda. I wonder what happened to Bonehead...
Smashing Pumpkins - "Ava Adore" (unrated)
This album was a career-killer too IIRC, but I also liked this song a lot more than anything from the last album. I've got a soft spot in my heart for people who lack a sense of self-consciousness, and Billy C.'s incredibly pretentious songs and videos could either be home runs or cringeworthy failures, but we're all better off that people like him exist. Well, as long as you don't have to personally interact with him...
Interpol - "Evil" (rating: 54 out of 100)
This brings me back to DC last year, when I saw them at the 9:30 Club along w/my sis, and then later at the HFStival in Baltimore. One of the few bands I listen to incessantly that didn't get their start in the mid-80s to early 90s. And don't you just love the end of the first chorus, where they build up and build up and then cut out, leaving that super-cool bass lick?
Bronski Beat - "Smalltown Boy" (unrated)
Ooooh, that song. I've heard it before but never knew what it was, thought it was Erasure... Lessee, apparently Cure fans recommend this song. Not feeling it, let's skip...
R.E.M. - "Everybody Hurts" (rating: 60)
I've absolutely ruined this song for anyone else that has had the misfortune to listen to it in the same room as me by singing along to it.
Later...
Nothing better to do, so why not just comment on the songs as they play on my personal Launchcast Plus (tm) radio station? In their "tell us what you like and we'll play you what you think you like" system, only a zero removes a song from a playlist completely. Fifty means the song's in medium rotation, and anything over 80 is probably going to get played as soon as you turn the damn thing on again (unrated songs have either shown up for the first time or I was too lazy to rate 'em).
Here we go...
Oasis - "All Around the World" (rating: 90 out of 100)
Aaaaah, a nice one. And one of the only two songs that are worth a damn on their album-length tribute to cocaine, Be Here Now ("Don't Go Away" is the other one, but anyone who's listened to the album more than twice could have told you that). That album killed their career, but this song was a good coda. I wonder what happened to Bonehead...
Smashing Pumpkins - "Ava Adore" (unrated)
This album was a career-killer too IIRC, but I also liked this song a lot more than anything from the last album. I've got a soft spot in my heart for people who lack a sense of self-consciousness, and Billy C.'s incredibly pretentious songs and videos could either be home runs or cringeworthy failures, but we're all better off that people like him exist. Well, as long as you don't have to personally interact with him...
Interpol - "Evil" (rating: 54 out of 100)
This brings me back to DC last year, when I saw them at the 9:30 Club along w/my sis, and then later at the HFStival in Baltimore. One of the few bands I listen to incessantly that didn't get their start in the mid-80s to early 90s. And don't you just love the end of the first chorus, where they build up and build up and then cut out, leaving that super-cool bass lick?
Bronski Beat - "Smalltown Boy" (unrated)
Ooooh, that song. I've heard it before but never knew what it was, thought it was Erasure... Lessee, apparently Cure fans recommend this song. Not feeling it, let's skip...
R.E.M. - "Everybody Hurts" (rating: 60)
I've absolutely ruined this song for anyone else that has had the misfortune to listen to it in the same room as me by singing along to it.
Later...
10 April 2006
It's time for Ceeeeeeeeeeee-lebrity Ceeeeeeeeeeeeeee-...Corner.
Spanning what I bother to look up within 5 minutes in the entertainment world...
* In the grand tradition of LL Cool J vs. Kool Moe Dee, Ice Cube vs. NWA, and Jay-Z vs. Nas, here comes...K-Fed vs. Thomas Dolby.
C'mon, Tommy Boy! Blind him w/science! Call in the Pirate Twins, and Howard the Duck! What're ya pavarottis gonna do now, MIS-ter Spears?
* Congrats to Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris "head-so-weirdly-shaped- Dave-Matthews-does-a-doubletake" Martin on the birth of their second child. Moses. Which is a relief, I was afraid they were going to go with Banana Martin.
* I guess Prince has enough money. Too bad, I would have loved to watch him try to choke down the bile. And each AI contestant should have been forced to come up with their own unpronounceable symbol...here's mine: Җ (I could spell it out for you, but actually pronouncing it would cause the world to cease to exist in a white light of philosophical recursion, and besides, I always forget to include the silent q.)
Spanning what I bother to look up within 5 minutes in the entertainment world...
* In the grand tradition of LL Cool J vs. Kool Moe Dee, Ice Cube vs. NWA, and Jay-Z vs. Nas, here comes...K-Fed vs. Thomas Dolby.
C'mon, Tommy Boy! Blind him w/science! Call in the Pirate Twins, and Howard the Duck! What're ya pavarottis gonna do now, MIS-ter Spears?
* Congrats to Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris "head-so-weirdly-shaped- Dave-Matthews-does-a-doubletake" Martin on the birth of their second child. Moses. Which is a relief, I was afraid they were going to go with Banana Martin.
* I guess Prince has enough money. Too bad, I would have loved to watch him try to choke down the bile. And each AI contestant should have been forced to come up with their own unpronounceable symbol...here's mine: Җ (I could spell it out for you, but actually pronouncing it would cause the world to cease to exist in a white light of philosophical recursion, and besides, I always forget to include the silent q.)
01 April 2006
Christ, what an idiot. (Non-George W. Bush-edition)
Perhaps my frustrations stem from the fact that from the President on down my federal representatives are vacuous dimbulbs who have coasted on the accomplishments of their far superior fathers to build themselves a nice cozy political career for which they are certainly not qualified and even their party allies are finding increasingly hard to defend.
Dubya? Need I say more (yes, but I won't today). George Allen, with his well-deserved reputation for idiocy in the Senate and his recent comments that he is running for President out of boredom, is one of the few people that can look at GWB and say "yep, I can do worse".
And then there's Virgil Goode. Who? You may have heard of him recently, as he has ties to the recent scandal that took out Duke Cunningham. But his most recent appearance, alongside bibble-bibble-oatbran Tom Tancredo, sets a new low for political discourse, with a repulsive race-baiting strawman statement that he'll probably use in his upcoming election campaign (and one, sadly, he'll probably win). But let's dissect the statement; I'm not sure how he knew the demonstrators waving the Mexican flag were illegal immigrants, since the last time he visited the border was '97, and I must have missed his rabid protest against flag-waving at the St. Patrick's Day parade (why not? He had as much knowledge of the legal status of the flag-wavers at that rally).
Of course, a nice xenophobic statement like that can make people forget current events, a tactic used by such successful politicos as Diamond Joe Quimby.
Well, his statement, and the ultra-right-wing's attitude toward immigration in general, have been noted and criticized by such pinko commie liberals as Bill Kristol, but I fear that we will once again turn our focus towards the new crisis destroying our country (now that we've taken care of that gay marriage, WHEW!, that was a close one!)
Meanwhile, thank you, Congressman Goode, for taking an incredibly complex social concern and reducing it to the most provocative and least helpful level you possibly could. I'd like to think you're ashamed, but you're probably not that self-aware.
Perhaps my frustrations stem from the fact that from the President on down my federal representatives are vacuous dimbulbs who have coasted on the accomplishments of their far superior fathers to build themselves a nice cozy political career for which they are certainly not qualified and even their party allies are finding increasingly hard to defend.
Dubya? Need I say more (yes, but I won't today). George Allen, with his well-deserved reputation for idiocy in the Senate and his recent comments that he is running for President out of boredom, is one of the few people that can look at GWB and say "yep, I can do worse".
And then there's Virgil Goode. Who? You may have heard of him recently, as he has ties to the recent scandal that took out Duke Cunningham. But his most recent appearance, alongside bibble-bibble-oatbran Tom Tancredo, sets a new low for political discourse, with a repulsive race-baiting strawman statement that he'll probably use in his upcoming election campaign (and one, sadly, he'll probably win). But let's dissect the statement; I'm not sure how he knew the demonstrators waving the Mexican flag were illegal immigrants, since the last time he visited the border was '97, and I must have missed his rabid protest against flag-waving at the St. Patrick's Day parade (why not? He had as much knowledge of the legal status of the flag-wavers at that rally).
Of course, a nice xenophobic statement like that can make people forget current events, a tactic used by such successful politicos as Diamond Joe Quimby.
Well, his statement, and the ultra-right-wing's attitude toward immigration in general, have been noted and criticized by such pinko commie liberals as Bill Kristol, but I fear that we will once again turn our focus towards the new crisis destroying our country (now that we've taken care of that gay marriage, WHEW!, that was a close one!)
Meanwhile, thank you, Congressman Goode, for taking an incredibly complex social concern and reducing it to the most provocative and least helpful level you possibly could. I'd like to think you're ashamed, but you're probably not that self-aware.
14 March 2006
Big bucks, no whammies...no whammies...STOP! NO, NOT THE PLANE!!!!
Yes, I wasted more time than I'd care to admit watching the most stupid and awesome game show of the 80s...
So it was sad to hear that the former host and his wife were in a plane crash.
Here's hoping you're entertaining everyone in heaven, and Jesus hasn't figured out the secret of the board yet...
Yes, I wasted more time than I'd care to admit watching the most stupid and awesome game show of the 80s...
So it was sad to hear that the former host and his wife were in a plane crash.
Here's hoping you're entertaining everyone in heaven, and Jesus hasn't figured out the secret of the board yet...
OK, kids, time to go to work...
My time with the Howard Dean campaign taught me two things about myself: 1) I'm a sucker for a straight-talking candidate with whom I do not necessarily agree all the time but is a world apart when compared to a vapid nitwit coasting on name recognition and 2) I'm a sucker for web-based fundraising graphics.
This post, as it turns out, fulfills both of my cravings...
My time with the Howard Dean campaign taught me two things about myself: 1) I'm a sucker for a straight-talking candidate with whom I do not necessarily agree all the time but is a world apart when compared to a vapid nitwit coasting on name recognition and 2) I'm a sucker for web-based fundraising graphics.
This post, as it turns out, fulfills both of my cravings...
04 March 2006
Hopefully you'll find this encouraging, sixthdoctor...
I was at a banquet last night celebrating my wife's receiving a major award; I usually loathe these things due my inability to avoid political debates/blowouts with her dittohead colleagues, which have, quite frankly, impeded upon my personal feelings towards them to the point where over the past few years I simply try to stay away from them whenever I can.
Well, lo and behold, the discussion turned to Nawlins and one chap turned to me (unprovoked, mind you) and said that it's really amazing that anyone can support Bush after what was in the news this week.
Well. Thank you. Was that so hard?
I was at a banquet last night celebrating my wife's receiving a major award; I usually loathe these things due my inability to avoid political debates/blowouts with her dittohead colleagues, which have, quite frankly, impeded upon my personal feelings towards them to the point where over the past few years I simply try to stay away from them whenever I can.
Well, lo and behold, the discussion turned to Nawlins and one chap turned to me (unprovoked, mind you) and said that it's really amazing that anyone can support Bush after what was in the news this week.
Well. Thank you. Was that so hard?
26 February 2006
*snif* Here's hoping you've received your major award...
Sadly, Darren McGavin, the definite Kolchak and the father from A Christmas Story, passed away yesterday. I salute you with your battle cry...
Sadly, Darren McGavin, the definite Kolchak and the father from A Christmas Story, passed away yesterday. I salute you with your battle cry...
24 February 2006
21 February 2006
Say hi to Queen Starsha for me...
I'm glad someone's thinking about important shit, like which stars are the best possible candidates to sustain life. The top star is only 26 light-years away. 26. That's babyshit. If the Argo can travel 148,000 light-years and back in just one earth year, we should be able to get shuttle voyages going around, oh, 2066.
The article does state, however, that a scheduled launch of a scanning satellite has been delayed due to funding cuts. Must we start a letter-writing campaign to President Bush about the importance of locating a Cosmo-DNA machine in case we're attacked by the Gamilons? You'd think this is exactly the sort of thing he'd worry about, frickin' GAMILON PLANET BOMBS! THESE ARE WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION, YA NIMROD!!
I'm glad someone's thinking about important shit, like which stars are the best possible candidates to sustain life. The top star is only 26 light-years away. 26. That's babyshit. If the Argo can travel 148,000 light-years and back in just one earth year, we should be able to get shuttle voyages going around, oh, 2066.
The article does state, however, that a scheduled launch of a scanning satellite has been delayed due to funding cuts. Must we start a letter-writing campaign to President Bush about the importance of locating a Cosmo-DNA machine in case we're attacked by the Gamilons? You'd think this is exactly the sort of thing he'd worry about, frickin' GAMILON PLANET BOMBS! THESE ARE WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION, YA NIMROD!!
12 February 2006
Hey, Virginia Republicans! It's yer old buddy Nev!
And I thought I'd drop you a line. You might like to read it when you come back from wherever you pretend to go when you say you're going to church...
Aw, you're right, I'm being mean. Maybe I've still yet to reconcile that my center-left views here in VA may just as well mean I'm carrying a copy of Mao's Red Book and dressing up in Village People outfits. (Well, I do have a biker outfit at home, but...HEY WHAT'S WITH THE THIRD DEGREE?)
But I digress. I want to reach out to the Repubs because they've shown the ability to reject the nutballs and lightweights that unfortunately make up the bulk of the party today. Ever since Hurricane Gilmore hit the state, you guys seem to have a more open mind. Everyone in VA appreciates you decided to give Jerry Kilgore a pass, because, come on, the man had no ideas for running the state.
So in the spirit of open-mindedness, let's talk about George Allen.
First of all, is it in the best interests of the state to reelect a Senator who clearly has presidential aspirations? Secondly, again, come on. We can argue whether his reputation for idiocy is well-deserved or not, but would you want a President whose Social Security plan seems to be that the elderly can sell their homes? You're going to entrust our national security to a man who doesn't even know what's going on with the president's nominees? Hey, I understand, he's incredibly popular, a former governor who enjoyed economic success during the Clinton years (although to be fair, who didn't?), local football hero, but this is a guy who should be running a chain of used car dealerships, not a sitting US Senator. And aren't you tired of political monarchies, as shadow children of great(er) men get positions of power for which they're honestly not qualified?
Fortunately, you now have an alternative. His name is James Webb. If it's any consolation, it'll make me cringe a little to vote for a Reaganite, because, hey, I'm a partisan guy. I don't expect you guys to be any happier voting for him because he's Democratic now. But looking at his credentials and his military experience, I think we can all agree that he's more qualified to hold office in a post 9-11 world.
And let's not overlook the coolness factor. What does Allen have to offer besides that spindly Ashley-Wilkes-esque Southern (in)breeding that still passes for charm down here? Webb worked on a Samuel L. Jackson movie. No, really. Only about 10-20,000 thousand people in America can say that. And hopefully, given recent history, my treatment for "BADGERS ON A BOAT, MOTHERFUCKER!" will be given consideration, but I digress again.
So take a look at the website. A good chunk of you have been known to stray from party lines when faced with a superior choice. Hope you decide to do so again for the sake of our country.
And I thought I'd drop you a line. You might like to read it when you come back from wherever you pretend to go when you say you're going to church...
Aw, you're right, I'm being mean. Maybe I've still yet to reconcile that my center-left views here in VA may just as well mean I'm carrying a copy of Mao's Red Book and dressing up in Village People outfits. (Well, I do have a biker outfit at home, but...HEY WHAT'S WITH THE THIRD DEGREE?)
But I digress. I want to reach out to the Repubs because they've shown the ability to reject the nutballs and lightweights that unfortunately make up the bulk of the party today. Ever since Hurricane Gilmore hit the state, you guys seem to have a more open mind. Everyone in VA appreciates you decided to give Jerry Kilgore a pass, because, come on, the man had no ideas for running the state.
So in the spirit of open-mindedness, let's talk about George Allen.
First of all, is it in the best interests of the state to reelect a Senator who clearly has presidential aspirations? Secondly, again, come on. We can argue whether his reputation for idiocy is well-deserved or not, but would you want a President whose Social Security plan seems to be that the elderly can sell their homes? You're going to entrust our national security to a man who doesn't even know what's going on with the president's nominees? Hey, I understand, he's incredibly popular, a former governor who enjoyed economic success during the Clinton years (although to be fair, who didn't?), local football hero, but this is a guy who should be running a chain of used car dealerships, not a sitting US Senator. And aren't you tired of political monarchies, as shadow children of great(er) men get positions of power for which they're honestly not qualified?
Fortunately, you now have an alternative. His name is James Webb. If it's any consolation, it'll make me cringe a little to vote for a Reaganite, because, hey, I'm a partisan guy. I don't expect you guys to be any happier voting for him because he's Democratic now. But looking at his credentials and his military experience, I think we can all agree that he's more qualified to hold office in a post 9-11 world.
And let's not overlook the coolness factor. What does Allen have to offer besides that spindly Ashley-Wilkes-esque Southern (in)breeding that still passes for charm down here? Webb worked on a Samuel L. Jackson movie. No, really. Only about 10-20,000 thousand people in America can say that. And hopefully, given recent history, my treatment for "BADGERS ON A BOAT, MOTHERFUCKER!" will be given consideration, but I digress again.
So take a look at the website. A good chunk of you have been known to stray from party lines when faced with a superior choice. Hope you decide to do so again for the sake of our country.
11 February 2006
07 February 2006
If the last post didn't prove I need help...
This commercial made me tear up the likes of which haven't been seen since that IAMS commercial (and I know you know what I'm talking about).
It also gave me an unnatural urge to drink pisswater beer...
This commercial made me tear up the likes of which haven't been seen since that IAMS commercial (and I know you know what I'm talking about).
It also gave me an unnatural urge to drink pisswater beer...
04 February 2006
Why I'm not a good guest on political chat shows...
People, both real and imagined, having found me to be a rather passionate character, have wondered why I don't strive to become a more public figure. Well, as much as a part of me would like to be out on the public airwaves, the fact of the matter is that I do not possess that Howard-Dean-like Zen that would allow me to refute utter bullshit calmly and effectively. Furthermore, I get really angry when I attempt to engage in a debate, only to be met with stone-faced resistance and the ceaseless parroting of right-wing propaganda, without any admission of even listening to what I had just said. This invariably leads to my losing control, allowing them to use me to promote the inaccurate stereotype of the quote-unquote "angry liberal".
For example, here's an excerpt from the 37th most popular chat show in our state, "Someone's In The Kitchen With Virginia," where we're discussing the effort to place anti-gay marriage language in the state constitution:
_____
ME
I would like to point out to my colleague that gay marriage is already illegal in this state, and while this poorly-worded statute wouldn't further so-called protection against gay marriage, it could, in fact, lead to courts swamped with lawsuits challenging any partnership considered to be non-traditional.
RIGHT-WING BLOGGER
We need this legislation in order to protect the sanctity of marriage against homosexuals.
ME
Even though I disagree, that's not the issue. It. Is. Already. Illegal. As a so-called fiscal conservative, you should be upset the state house is wasting taxpayers' time and money with this referendum. As a so-called limited-government conservative, you should be upset that they want to so brazenly rewrite the state constitution. Or are you just cynically hoping this will be yet another successful distraction from the corruption and incompetence of the state GOP?
RIGHT-WING BLOGGER
We need this legislation in order to protect the sanctity of marriage against homosexuals.
ME
I see. Allow me to rebut by smacking my colleague upside the head with this oar.
*SMASH**SMASH*
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! CUCKOO! CUCKOO! BIBBLE-BIBBLE-OATBRAN! I WANTS ME SOME MASHED POTATOES! AND GRAVY AIN'T WAVY!
A-BOINGA-BOINGA-BOINGA-BOINGA-BOINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!
_____
Not my finest hour, I admit. And it didn't get any better when I was asked to appear on the nationally televised "Shoot the Shit"...
_____
ME
The fact of the matter is that the president and his administration can conduct spying operations on anyone he chooses, as long as he gets a retroactive warrant. The fact that he doesn't do so should concern all Americans.
REPULSIVE WINGNUT THAT VAGUELY RESEMBLES, BUT ISN'T, ANN COULTER
Well, I can see it concerning liberals like you who want the terrorists to win, but we should give the President all the tools he needs to combat terrorism.
ME
He has all the tools he needs, and might I add, had he utilized those tools a bit more effectively, like perhaps, paying attention to a memo entitled "Bin Laden Determined to Strike Inside U.S.", America would be a safer place. Isn't it obvious that the reason they don't want warrants is that they're using their spying powers against political enemies?
REPULSIVE WINGNUT THAT VAGUELY RESEMBLES, BUT ISN'T, ANN COULTER
But why do you want the terrorists to win?
BEEFY, HALF-WIT MODERATOR THAT VAGUELY RESEMBLES, BUT ISN'T, TIM RUSSERT
That's a good point. Why DO you want the terrorists to win?
ME
You seem to have trouble hearing me. Maybe if I crack open your skulls with this metal meat tenderizering mallet the words will reach your brain.
*SMASH**CRACK**SMASH*
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! CUCKOO! CUCKOO!
YA GOTTA CURE WHAT AILS YA! PAILS AND PAILS A NAILS A! WANNA WASH A WOMBAT!
A-BOINGA-BOINGA-BOINGA-BOINGA-BOINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!
_____
So my prediliction for incoherent and sputtering (albeit justifiable) rage probably means I should lay off the talk shows for now.
Although I do credit this personality quirk for my improbable friendship w/Bill O'Reilly.
_____
O'REILLY
IT'S LIBERALS LIKE YOU THAT WANT TO TAKE AWAY MY SPIDERMAN APPLESAUCE!
ME
WELL, IF YOU DIDN'T STEAL MY BOUNCY BANANAS I COULD EAT MY OATMEAL!
O'REILLY
Hmmm. OK, but how do you explain the fact THAT CANTALOUPES CAN'T ELOPE?!?
ME
I WANNA PLAY MONOPOLY!
O'REILLY
Sanitary napkins?
ME
SANITARY NAPKINS!
O'REILLY
Well, I'm afraid we're out of time. My guests have been liberal blogger Nevsky and Oklahoma Senator Dr. Tom Coburn. Always good to hear from you, Senator.
SENATOR COBURN (R)
WHERE'S MY SPIDERMAN APPLESAUCE?!? OOH, I FOUND CHOCOLATE PUDDING IN MY PANTS!
O'REILLY
Perhaps our panelists would enjoy singing the closing theme with yours truly and legendary pop-jazz vocal combo Manhattan Transfer. Let's do this!
ALL
SHIT MY PANTS AND DO A DANCE, WE'RE GOING TO TAKE THAT NIGHT TRAIN TO CUCAMONGA!
A-BOINGA-BOINGA-BOINGA-BOINGA-BOINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!
_____
And if you'd like any transcripts of my recent appearances, catch five bouncy bananas, stick them in a jar of Spiderman applesauce and send it to Nevsky, c/o Oscar the Grouch's Trashcan, Cucamonga.
People, both real and imagined, having found me to be a rather passionate character, have wondered why I don't strive to become a more public figure. Well, as much as a part of me would like to be out on the public airwaves, the fact of the matter is that I do not possess that Howard-Dean-like Zen that would allow me to refute utter bullshit calmly and effectively. Furthermore, I get really angry when I attempt to engage in a debate, only to be met with stone-faced resistance and the ceaseless parroting of right-wing propaganda, without any admission of even listening to what I had just said. This invariably leads to my losing control, allowing them to use me to promote the inaccurate stereotype of the quote-unquote "angry liberal".
For example, here's an excerpt from the 37th most popular chat show in our state, "Someone's In The Kitchen With Virginia," where we're discussing the effort to place anti-gay marriage language in the state constitution:
_____
ME
I would like to point out to my colleague that gay marriage is already illegal in this state, and while this poorly-worded statute wouldn't further so-called protection against gay marriage, it could, in fact, lead to courts swamped with lawsuits challenging any partnership considered to be non-traditional.
RIGHT-WING BLOGGER
We need this legislation in order to protect the sanctity of marriage against homosexuals.
ME
Even though I disagree, that's not the issue. It. Is. Already. Illegal. As a so-called fiscal conservative, you should be upset the state house is wasting taxpayers' time and money with this referendum. As a so-called limited-government conservative, you should be upset that they want to so brazenly rewrite the state constitution. Or are you just cynically hoping this will be yet another successful distraction from the corruption and incompetence of the state GOP?
RIGHT-WING BLOGGER
We need this legislation in order to protect the sanctity of marriage against homosexuals.
ME
I see. Allow me to rebut by smacking my colleague upside the head with this oar.
*SMASH**SMASH*
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! CUCKOO! CUCKOO! BIBBLE-BIBBLE-OATBRAN! I WANTS ME SOME MASHED POTATOES! AND GRAVY AIN'T WAVY!
A-BOINGA-BOINGA-BOINGA-BOINGA-BOINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!
_____
Not my finest hour, I admit. And it didn't get any better when I was asked to appear on the nationally televised "Shoot the Shit"...
_____
ME
The fact of the matter is that the president and his administration can conduct spying operations on anyone he chooses, as long as he gets a retroactive warrant. The fact that he doesn't do so should concern all Americans.
REPULSIVE WINGNUT THAT VAGUELY RESEMBLES, BUT ISN'T, ANN COULTER
Well, I can see it concerning liberals like you who want the terrorists to win, but we should give the President all the tools he needs to combat terrorism.
ME
He has all the tools he needs, and might I add, had he utilized those tools a bit more effectively, like perhaps, paying attention to a memo entitled "Bin Laden Determined to Strike Inside U.S.", America would be a safer place. Isn't it obvious that the reason they don't want warrants is that they're using their spying powers against political enemies?
REPULSIVE WINGNUT THAT VAGUELY RESEMBLES, BUT ISN'T, ANN COULTER
But why do you want the terrorists to win?
BEEFY, HALF-WIT MODERATOR THAT VAGUELY RESEMBLES, BUT ISN'T, TIM RUSSERT
That's a good point. Why DO you want the terrorists to win?
ME
You seem to have trouble hearing me. Maybe if I crack open your skulls with this metal meat tenderizering mallet the words will reach your brain.
*SMASH**CRACK**SMASH*
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! CUCKOO! CUCKOO!
YA GOTTA CURE WHAT AILS YA! PAILS AND PAILS A NAILS A! WANNA WASH A WOMBAT!
A-BOINGA-BOINGA-BOINGA-BOINGA-BOINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!
_____
So my prediliction for incoherent and sputtering (albeit justifiable) rage probably means I should lay off the talk shows for now.
Although I do credit this personality quirk for my improbable friendship w/Bill O'Reilly.
_____
O'REILLY
IT'S LIBERALS LIKE YOU THAT WANT TO TAKE AWAY MY SPIDERMAN APPLESAUCE!
ME
WELL, IF YOU DIDN'T STEAL MY BOUNCY BANANAS I COULD EAT MY OATMEAL!
O'REILLY
Hmmm. OK, but how do you explain the fact THAT CANTALOUPES CAN'T ELOPE?!?
ME
I WANNA PLAY MONOPOLY!
O'REILLY
Sanitary napkins?
ME
SANITARY NAPKINS!
O'REILLY
Well, I'm afraid we're out of time. My guests have been liberal blogger Nevsky and Oklahoma Senator Dr. Tom Coburn. Always good to hear from you, Senator.
SENATOR COBURN (R)
WHERE'S MY SPIDERMAN APPLESAUCE?!? OOH, I FOUND CHOCOLATE PUDDING IN MY PANTS!
O'REILLY
Perhaps our panelists would enjoy singing the closing theme with yours truly and legendary pop-jazz vocal combo Manhattan Transfer. Let's do this!
ALL
SHIT MY PANTS AND DO A DANCE, WE'RE GOING TO TAKE THAT NIGHT TRAIN TO CUCAMONGA!
A-BOINGA-BOINGA-BOINGA-BOINGA-BOINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!
_____
And if you'd like any transcripts of my recent appearances, catch five bouncy bananas, stick them in a jar of Spiderman applesauce and send it to Nevsky, c/o Oscar the Grouch's Trashcan, Cucamonga.
31 January 2006
Did anyone watch the idiot?
I (thankfully) don't have TV, but I didn't listen to it on the internets either, because my stomach couldn't handle, and my liver certainly couldn't handle any drinking game (unless you throw back a shot for a coherent statement). So what empty promises did he deliver and which fears did he play on?
I (thankfully) don't have TV, but I didn't listen to it on the internets either, because my stomach couldn't handle, and my liver certainly couldn't handle any drinking game (unless you throw back a shot for a coherent statement). So what empty promises did he deliver and which fears did he play on?
Since the Freepers call it "freeping", could you please "nevsky" this poll?
I'll leave it to you to decide what to choose, but the fact that two of the choices are "ban it" and "it's already banned, leave the Constitution alone" illustrates what groups like Equality Virginia are dealing with...
I'll leave it to you to decide what to choose, but the fact that two of the choices are "ban it" and "it's already banned, leave the Constitution alone" illustrates what groups like Equality Virginia are dealing with...
OK, Timmy ol' boy, go get 'im...
Since ol' Dumbass is going to present the most excruciating hour of TV tonight since the American Idol tryouts, my guv (I voted for you, buddy!) is going to be in the spotlight as the official spokesman for the Democratic response.
As an opening salvo, might I suggest paraphrasing Mary McCarthy and reminding the country that every word out of Bush's mouth is a lie, including "and" and "the"?
But I'd settle for asking George why he loves terrorism so much...
Since ol' Dumbass is going to present the most excruciating hour of TV tonight since the American Idol tryouts, my guv (I voted for you, buddy!) is going to be in the spotlight as the official spokesman for the Democratic response.
As an opening salvo, might I suggest paraphrasing Mary McCarthy and reminding the country that every word out of Bush's mouth is a lie, including "and" and "the"?
But I'd settle for asking George why he loves terrorism so much...
29 January 2006
Is this radio you should be listening to? OF COURRRRRRRSE!
I've got the computer on the The Young Turks now, as they've been on the air since Friday and will continue to be on until there is or isn't a filibuster against Alito. Cenk sounds a little tired but it's still compelling radio.
And if you'd like to hear them under "normal" circumstances, you can listen to Radiopower for free from 6-9 each evening, with a replay the following morning from 10-12...
I've got the computer on the The Young Turks now, as they've been on the air since Friday and will continue to be on until there is or isn't a filibuster against Alito. Cenk sounds a little tired but it's still compelling radio.
And if you'd like to hear them under "normal" circumstances, you can listen to Radiopower for free from 6-9 each evening, with a replay the following morning from 10-12...
25 January 2006
Tag! I'm it...
CmdrSue has about three outstanding tags on me, and one day I'm going to get my shit together long enough to answer them.
But not today. *sigh*...
CmdrSue has about three outstanding tags on me, and one day I'm going to get my shit together long enough to answer them.
But not today. *sigh*...
15 January 2006
Brokeback Republicans are at it again...
The State House of Delegates is at it again, passing a bill that would change the state constitution ostensibly to ban gay marriage. You know, in case the other laws we already have in VA banning gay marriage suddenly disappeared.
Equality Virginia has a good position paper about why this is bullshit, but given the atmosphere down here the civil rights argument is tough. I'd hope that libertarians (which many Virginians profess to be) would support Kaine's veto of this bill as a waste of taxpayer money when this state is already pretty well protected against homos, indeed, when there are laws in place against the terrors of oral and anal sex between consenting adults.
(I was surprised, however, that there the law on the books also makes it illegal to screw livestock down here. I'm guessing the enforcement on that one is lax...)
I guess in order to get your kicks down in VA you have to enjoy another kind of cockfighting...
I've got the perfect remedy for this, though. A brave delegate just has to attach an amendment calling this the "If You Vote For This, You're Gay Bill".
Then just sit back and watch their heads explode...
The State House of Delegates is at it again, passing a bill that would change the state constitution ostensibly to ban gay marriage. You know, in case the other laws we already have in VA banning gay marriage suddenly disappeared.
Equality Virginia has a good position paper about why this is bullshit, but given the atmosphere down here the civil rights argument is tough. I'd hope that libertarians (which many Virginians profess to be) would support Kaine's veto of this bill as a waste of taxpayer money when this state is already pretty well protected against homos, indeed, when there are laws in place against the terrors of oral and anal sex between consenting adults.
(I was surprised, however, that there the law on the books also makes it illegal to screw livestock down here. I'm guessing the enforcement on that one is lax...)
I guess in order to get your kicks down in VA you have to enjoy another kind of cockfighting...
I've got the perfect remedy for this, though. A brave delegate just has to attach an amendment calling this the "If You Vote For This, You're Gay Bill".
Then just sit back and watch their heads explode...
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