What the hell am I going to do with all this black eyeliner and Zima?

My sister called me earlier today to let me know that Lollapalooza had been cancelled, so no Morrissey, PJ Harvey, Sonic Youth, or Modest Mouse in a festival setting with $8 bottles of water for us. Dammit. Well, if pale, slightly androgynous thirtysomethings start roving the streets in packs society only has itself to blame.

Up yours, J. Lo!

Thanks to my brother for the subject title and the article.

"Senator, have you ever looked at this website?

I just got an e-mail inviting me to send a question to John Kerry. The best questions will apparently be answered at a house party conference call. Well, if you're going to copy off another Democratic candidate, copy from the best *achHowarddeanchoo*...

Sorry, allergies...

Anyway, what would YOU ask John Kerry?

Don't harass me, can't you tell, I'm going home, I'm tired as hell, I'm not the cat I used to be, I got a kid, I'm thirty-three baby...

Well okay, I got a corgi, but it is my 33rd birthday today (along with my twin brother)...surprise!

Mike: Why do you keep jumping out with a cake yelling "surprise"?
Neil: It's my birthday.
Mike: Now you already knew that and we don't care, so where's the surprise?

I'm not going to go all Kelly Osbourne on ya, but if you're feeling generous and want to spread birthday cheer, give Al Weed a buck.

TOP FIFTY, BABY!

That's right, the Mighty Duo of Wonderfulness, our Urban Challenge team, smashed last year's performance with a 50th-place finish and an official time of 3 hours, 57 minutes. I'm so full of...what's the opposite of self-loathing?

Kudos all around to my sis for running and my brother and CmdrSue for research...

It's time to play NAME THAT HACK!

OK, who the fuck wrote this? Under a rather innocuous headline we have buried a couple of opinions dressed up as fact. First:

Kerry's proposal is a shift to fiscal policies as the economy is rebounding under Bush.

Um, presidents don't control the economy, remember? I know that thanks to Gringrich whining for years under Clinton. And, of course, Kerry is a flip-flopper:

Kerry was criticized during the last 18 months for failing to articulate a clear position on Iraq. He voted to give the president authority to go to war, but then criticized him for doing so without more diplomacy.

Yep, Kerry certainly should have known Bush was going to mess up anything he touched, and voted accordingly.

I repeat, who wrote this crap?

The smoker you link, the player you get...

So much great material, so little time; I've added Poker Blog Dude, don't mess with the unstable folk, and Whopundit to my link list. They all rock, and I suck.

Still have the monopoly on corgi commentary, though...

Let's play Carnac the Magnificient...

I hold the hermetically-sealed envelope to my forehead..."Pick the beaver."

"Pick the beaver."

[rip envelope open, blow inside, pull out the paper]

"You're being held hostage and you're given a choice; you will either be forced to watch President Bush insisting to reporters that a relationship exists between Hussein and Al-Qaeda despite a lack of evidence, or you will be left handcuffed in a cell with a testicle-nibbling beaver. What should you do?"

Shouldn't have had that extra cup of coffee before bed...

You...BASTARDS!!

I know I'm behind the times on this (no cable, you see, so I rely on my siblings' taping skills and DVD for the hot shows) but I just watched you-know-who get whacked on The Sopranos and I'm all upset...

And since I'm still harboring anger over Tara's death, I don't expect this to dissipate soon.

An open letter to Yahoo Mail...

Dear Sir or Madam,

I'd like to thank you for the extra storage space, awfully kind of you. I'll never use it, but it's appreciated. I understand the whole gmail thing's been a hassle for you. But upgrading my account really doesn't matter so much if I can't get on the mail server. If you don't mind, would you please unfuck yourself at the earliest convenience?

Warmest regards, N42

Give 'em hell, Howard...

This Kos diary has a link to Vermont Public Radio, where Howard Dean is talking on a call-in show. I've been pumping my fist and jumping with joy listening to the doctor rip Dubya a new one, tell a caller that we can't afford Nader, and get a lot of love from the callers... heh, Kos just got a shout-out.

Damn, I miss this man.

THAT'S IT??

CmdrSue forwarded to me an article about a man trying to set a record by playing poker for 72 hours straight. My first reaction is that the only way this record makes sense is if they don't allow you to put more money on the table after you lose it all.

But if it's an endurance record, then this is just the first guy who thought to call the Guinness people before he sat down to play.

Paul Begala is a schmuck...

The DNC is hosting a make-your-own-ad contest.

I have nothing to say about that, but when I got the e-mail there was a picture of Paul Begala (the judge) in it, and it reminded me of his anti-Dean hysteria. I always found his Crossfire persona to be a bit douchebaggy (what does it say if Tucker Carlson's more appealing?) but his Democratic primary commentary crossed him over into full schmuckitude.

So eat me, Begala, ya schmuck ya.

The sheer balls of the Virginia GOP...

As insane as it may sound, the Virginia GOP is now ranting at Mark Warner for creating a financial plan that will leave the state with a surplus.

The nutballs complain that Warner fudged the numbers to make sure the bill, which included some tax raises, got passed. The Dems deny it, Warner wasn't available for comment, and the article didn't mention that former Republican governor Jim Gilmore actually did fudge the numbers the other way in order to pass more car tax cuts (where's Nedra Pickler when you need her?)

Anyway, this editorial exposes Gilmore much better than I could, and doesn't resort to using the word "idiot"...

Unofficial Urban Challenge results...

We destroyed our old time, coming in at 4 hours 1 minute (50 minutes faster) and 60th place (may move up after DQed teams are removed).

Oodles of thanks to CmdrSue and sixthdoctor, we couldn't have done it without your help.

And now I'm going to pop another couple of Tylenol with Extra Codeine...

Cash for weed!

VA-5 Democratic candidate Al Weed, that is!

He's already stomped the 100K goal the blog (check the link on the right) had set up for June 30, and now they're shooting for $225K. That would cut the lead Virgil Goode has in fundraising by half, so throw a buck their way if you're inclined.

And even if you don't live in VA-5, read his blog. This guy is gooooooooood.

Think on the run, baby...

Sensible shoes and shorts? Check.

Television Without Pity Amazing Race "You Have Just Been Philiminated!" T-shirt? Check.

Anti-chafing ointment? Check.

Anti-chafing ointment applicator? Check.

Anti-chafing ointment applicator instructions? Check.

Anti-chafing ointment applicator instructions carrying case? Check.

Yep, I'm all packed and ready to head up to DC to take part in this year's Urban Challenge. The Urban Challenge is a scavenger hunt where two-person teams solve clues that point to various locations around the area, and then either run or take public transportation to those locations as quickly as possible. My sister and I, The Mighty Duo of Wonderfulness, are looking to improve upon last year's 81st-place finish. With my brother and CmdrSue providing technical support, I'm extremely confident that we'll break the top 75 this year!

Still a tad worried about the chafing, maybe I should stop by CVS for an unguent or two...

Happy Birthday, Mr. Monty...

Our corgi turned three today. I wanted to post a picture of the dog wearing a goofy birthday hat, but he didn't take too kindly to it.

I also spent so much time trying to get the picture that I think it's time to bring up to my wife the possibility of getting cable TV again, I see what happens when my brain isn't properly numbed...

*snif* A corgi's tale...

Get it? GET IT? Corgis don't have...sorry.

I look at the Corgi Aid rescue stories from time to time but this one, about Thomas, who is morbidly obese, made me want to run home and hug my Monty. Corgis are notorious chow hounds, of course, and because of their elongated backs you have to be especially careful about weight gain. And although corgis can have a round roly-poly look that's adorable, the pictures of Thomas just break my heart.

There also is a link to a home page for Thomas, where you can keep up on his progress. Let's all wish him well...

*sigh* Thanks a freakin' lot, Morrissey.

Yep, apparently Drudge (and I ain't linkin' to that schmuck) found out about the Mozzer's snarkiness and put it up on his website. Better to check out this Kos diary or the Moz-solo site if you want to weigh in.

As for me, meh. Morrissey's probably loving it right now, but pissing off wingnuts is kinda like smacking the obnoxious child running around and yelling in the food court. Sure, you want to do it, it'll feel good, and others may applaud you, but is it really necessary?